Head Rambles

Grandad October 28th, 2006

The subject of combining alcohol and driving is a complex one.

We are very quick to scream that all drivers over the limit should be hung by the gonads from the top of the Dublin Spike [that conjures up an interesting mental picture?], and that will solve all the problems. It’s not that simple.

For generations, Ireland has had a drinking culture. If you are meeting friends, where do you meet them? The pub. You call around to a friends house – what is the first thing that is offered? A drink. The very word “celebration” means drink here. Alcohol is part of the culture.

I’m not against alcohol. I used to be a heavy drinker myself. I used to get hammered and drive home after. Now don’t start ranting at me now. I was foolish. I shouldn’t have done it. I was lucky and never hurt anyone. This was long before most of you were born and it’s in the past. I still have the odd jar, but not very often. And I don’t ever drive after even one drink. I’m too old for that game now.

I have seen some pretty horrific things in the past. I have seen people so drunk that their “friends” had to go through their pockets to find their car keys. I have seen people so drunk that their “friends” had to walk them out to their cars because they couldn’t make it on their own. Nowadays, people are more sensible but I’m sure the above still goes on.

I know a bloke who is an alcoholic. He is a very nice bloke. He has a wife and children. He held down a responsible job, and to look at him you would think he was an accountant or something. Always impeccably groomed and dressed. His only problem is that he always has drink on him. You wouldn’t know it [apart from the smell], but he hasn’t been sober in years. He lost his job in the end, because of the drink. Now he drives a taxi………

But what is the problem? The problem is that alcohol lowers inhibitions, and gives a sense of confidence and well being. That is why we drink it. And this is where the trouble starts.

A bloke goes out to meet his mates. He is sensible. He knows the dangers of drink driving. He has seen the ads, and has read the statistics. He is only going to have one. After all, the blood-alcohol limit allows for that.

But then he has his one. And and his inhibitions are lowered and the feeling of confidence kicks in. The mates are in good form and the craic is mighty. Sure one more won’t do any damage, so he has another. And so on. At that stage, it is not really his fault. Blame the alcohol, not him. Where he went wrong was in having that first one.

And the mates don’t help. Try walking into a pub with a gang, and ordering a soft drink. you get a torrent of “Ah Jayzus, are you a man or wha?” and the like. They buy him drink whether he wants it or not because “he has to enjoy himself”.

The bar staff don’t help either. Many’s the time I have seen people sitting at the bar, with their car keys [and of course the mobile phone] on the counter in front of them. And the bar staff continue to ply them with their tipple. The staff know damn well that the customer is driving and incapable, but that won’t stop them. I know times have changed and this is not so common but it still goes on.

The problem is that we are sending out mixed messages. It is OK to drive to the pub and have a drink. For a while we had catchy slogans like “Just two will do” and the like. If it weren’t OK, then there wouldn’t be a drink limit. There would be zero tolerance. But they ignore the effect of alcohol.

I would advocate zero tolerance, but we all tend to think of this as an urban problem. Just get a taxi or a bus….. etc. But there is another aspect that most people don’t think of. What about old bachelor Padjo who lives in the wilds of Kerry and spends his days in the fields, or out in his lobster boat? His only means of social contact is dropping down for a quiet pint in the local of an evening. Are we to deny him his only social outlet and confine him to his lonely life? There are hundreds, even thousands of Padjos still around. They don’t have buses or taxis and invariably live some distance from the pub.

It is tricky. and I don’t know what the answer is.

A couple of things do occur to me though.

The first thing that amazes me is the attitude to drunk drivers who kill someone. To me that is unintentional [they don't deliberately go out to kill someone] but it is still manslaughter by negligence. If I fire a gun at random in O’Connell Street and accidentally kill someone, I expect to receive a lengthy prison sentence. Yet the drunk driver receives maybe a year or two. Mixed messages again.

Another thing is the random breath testing. That is a good thing. But why don’t they do their random testing outside pubs at closing time? Drive past any pub in Ireland at eleven at night, and you will see car parks filled to capacity. Are they all driven by designated drivers? Hah!

The only answer to the problem is to change the culture of the people of Ireland. And that is just not going to happen.

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Grandad October 27th, 2006

This is on the theme of road safety, but it is purely a rant. There are times when I have to let off steam and this is one of them.

What am I on about?

4 Wheel Drives, SUVs, call ‘em what you like. They are a menace and a waste of space and resources.

Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the vehicles per se. They are only machines. When they are sitting in the showroom they look very nice [well, most of them]. Please, please please just leave them in the showroom. It’s when they get out on the roads that the problem starts.

It’s the prats who drive them that get me going. Almost without exception, the drivers are all the same. They are impressed with themselves. They are total egotists. They are arrogant mindless morons who think that because they can splash out ridiculous sums of money that they have “made it” and that the rest of us will be impressed.

Do you drive one and are you offended? Good. I haven’t even started yet….

4WDs were invented to allow for the driving across rough terrain. You know – getting the feed up to the sheep on the side of a mountain type of thing. They are great for that.

But then they became the Status Symbol.

Now you are no one unless you can drive little Samantha down to the playschool in the latest, biggest, most expensive vehicle.

4WDs are a disaster on the roads. They hog space. They burn fuel like it is a limitless resource. They are dangerous because they are so heavy. They serve no function except to feed the ego of the driver.

It is said that the size of a car is inversely proportional to the size of the drivers private parts. This must make all male 4WD drivers complete eunuchs. [What is the female equivalent to this? Are they commenting on the size of their partner's equipment???]

Ireland has an incredibly high rate of 4WD ownership. I have driven in other countries, including the North, and they are a rarity there. Here, every second vehicle is a 4WD.

As I said yesterday, I was parked in our local village. When Herself goes shopping [yesterday, it was just for a cigarette lighter] I know I am in for a long wait, so I sit and watch the world go by.

In the space of half an hour [yes, Herself is a slow shopper] I saw some incredible things. 4WDs were the cause of 90% of traffic disruption. They parked on double yellow lines. They parked at bus stops. They double parked. They brought the village to a complete standstill at one stage [because, of course a 4WD will never reverse out of a situation that they themselves have caused]. And to cap it all, one reversed into me.

Aha, I hear you say. I am jealous of the big cars and I’m annoyed at being bumped?

Yes, I am annoyed at being bumped. But that was a trivial issue compared to the mayhem.

And no. I am not jealous. I had the opportunity to buy one recently. But I am happy with myself. I am confident enough in myself that I don’t have to bolster my ego. And I’m happy with the size of my manhood [can't speak for Herself, but she's never said anything derogatory]. I didn’t see the point in buying myself something that is going to cost a fortune in petrol, tax and insurance just to prove a point that doesn’t need proving. I got myself a Focus and I’m very happy with the choice.

I have two friends who drive 4WDs. They are excluded from the above. Why? Because they both drive 4WD trucks. One owns a shop and has to carry heavy produce around. The other is a landscape gardener and has to carry around gravel and the like [at 3 tons a go]. They are the people that 4WDs are designed for. They are ordinary nice people who have nothing to prove except that they have a business to run.

As for the rest of you – you are a waste of space.

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Grandad October 26th, 2006

I’m a bit late in posting today. For reasons, see my previous entry
Following on from my rant yesterday, I’ve been thinking a bit further on the subject.

Reading back, you’d think that I put all accidents down to inexperience. I don’t. There are many reasons for the carnage on our roads.

The first is the roads themselves and signposting. The roads have improved a lot over the last few years but still leave a lot to be desired.
Signposting is a laugh. Again, I mention my experiences in France. There you don’t really need maps. Everywhere is clearly signposted with advance warnings of all junctions. They warn you when speed limits are about to happen, so you don’t whack around a bend at 90 and suddenly find you are in a 50 limit. Here everything is confusing, and a confused driver is a dangerous driver.

There are also several classes of driver in this country.

The first is the Ego driver.
These are the ponces and gobshites who drive around usually in 4 wheel drives, but occasionally in company provided executive cars. They think because they have a few bob that they own the place. They think that being behind an “ordinary” car makes them somehow inferior. If they want to double park outside the newsagents, then that is their right. Speed restrictions don’t really apply to them, only to the common people [i.e. the rest of us]. They are a very dangerous crowd as their vehicles tend to be big and strong. Therefore they are unlikely to come out of an accident badly. I can’t say the same for their victims.
They tend to drive in the fast lane all the time because, of course they do own the road.

The next is the “it-doesn’t-apply-to-me” brigade.
We see them all the time. Mostly motor cyclists and pedal cyclists. They think that rules of the road apply only to cars.
Pedal cyclists are particularly bad and they are the most vulnerable. Traffic lights mean nothing, especially pedestrian lights. Lights are for wimps [both traffic lights and the kind that shows you exist in the dark]. One way streets? What are they? Cycle lanes? Fancy bits of paintwork on the roads, but they aren’t for real cyclists.
Motor cyclists are in it for the speed. A real motor cyclist has to travel at maximum throttle at all times. If there are cars ahead in several lanes, then just weave through them without slowing. It’s clever, and you make the motorists jealous. And the louder your bike, then the better.
They tend to drive in any old lane that suits them, and that will change from second to second.

Then there’s the Doddery Driver.
They used to drive Morris Minors in the good old days. That was good because you could spot them a mile off. Now they tend to drive any car of the small variety. This is confusing because there are a lot of good drivers driving small cars too.
The Doddery Driver does not know what other people are doing. They don’t know what they are doing. They pootle along in the hope that they will get there in the end. They are not sure what Stop signs mean, and are likely to stop suddenly in the middle of the road, because they have just seen Grace from the hairdressers.
They tend to drive in the fast lane all the time because they don’t know the difference. They will stay in the fast lane until the very last second before cutting across the other lanes to their exit.

The Boy Racer.
We all know them. They drive souped up VW Golfs and the like, with “go faster” stripes, wind spoilers, purple lights underneath [are they for catching insects?] and of course the mandatory loud thumping music. Tinted windows are preferred.
They think that because they have these cars, that that makes them brilliant fast drivers. Wrong. That makes them stupid drivers in stupid looking [and sounding] cars. They are probably the most likely to end up wrapped around a tree trunk. [And who says Darwin is wrong?].
They always drive in the fast lane because they think they are faster than everyone else. Wrong again. Everyone else is just driving at a sensible speed.

There are a few other categories [such as the dreaded Tractor Driver, the Trucker and the Taxi Driver] but I don’t want to bore you.

I’m not offering any solutions to the above. However, if you read the above and recognise yourself, then please do yourself a favour. Please think hard. Is your life that worthless?

Footnote to the above…..

I was a refugee for the day [thanks, E.S.B.!!] and did a fair bit of driving. I met ALL the above, and all were true to form.
I was parked at one stage and a bitch in a 4WD reversed into me. Bang. I went and knocked on her window.
“Oh, don’t tell me I hit your car?” says she.
“Yes you did hit my car you moronic bitch. Have you a clue how to drive? Are you so unaware of what you are doing that you can hit someone and not know it?”
Well, actually I didn’t say that. What I said was “Yes, you did hit my car, as if you didn’t know. Luckily there is no damage. Now can you move forward so I can get out?”.
She didn’t….

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Grandad October 25th, 2006

There is a new push on the Internet here to try to do something about the state of driving on Irish roads.

The cynic in me says it’s a waste of time.

Irish drivers must be among the worst in Europe. I don’t know why. The main causes of it seems to be that drivers think that a) they are more important than anyone else on the road or b) that they can impress people by they way they drive or c) they are totally unaware that there are other cars on the road.

I was in France recently. I was horrified. Not horrified by the bad driving in France, because there wasn’t any, but by the way it showed up just how bad Irish driving is. French drivers drive fast. But they rigidly stick to lanes. They keep to speed limits [but then the speed limits in France are very sensible. They only place a limit if there is an absolute need for it]. They indicate to overtake, and indicate to pull back in again. They keep out of the fast lane unless they are overtaking. In fact, their lane discipline is fantastic.

I drove a total of 2,250 kilometers when I was there. I never had one moment when I cursed another driver. Not one heart stopping moment. It was a real pleasure to drive. I felt safe.

In the relatively short trip from Rosslare to home, I had several near accidents. They ranged from people overtaking as they came towards me, forcing me onto the hard shoulder, to people suddenly braking [without indicating] to turn off the main road.

The Irish government has got it into its collective thick head that speed kills. They stick signs up everywhere telling us this. They introduce draconian and stupid speed limits. They penalise us for any infringement. Here is a bit of news for them – speed does not kill. Very few people have died from speeding. What kills is bad driving. What kills is inexperience. What kills is people driving beyond their own limits.

I have had a full licence for the last 35 years. I could drive safely beyond most speed limits as could the majority of Irish drivers. We know our limits. We slow down if the road is wet or if there is a bend. We don’t overtake if it isn’t safe to. We are patient because we know we will get there.

The answer to all of this is not new laws, penalty points, speed limits or speed ramps. The answer to this is training, and a stiff assessment system.

At the moment, a kid can go out on a sunny summer’s day, and drive around a town with an inspector. If they can do that properly, they are told they are proficient to drive. Hah! What about driving in rain? Or snow? Or on a motorway? Or fog? Or in the city at half five in the afternoon?

And what about that insane rule that says that you can have an unlimited number of provisional licences? If a person can’t pass the test on their second or third attempt then they are not fit to drive. End of story. Some people just aren’t cut out to drive, just as some people aren’t cut out to fly a plane.

So what I would suggest to the government is this.

First of all, introduce a proper driving test. Use simulators as well as practical driving. You wasted enough of our money on a crazy e-voting system that no one wanted, so don’t claim lack of cash.

Next, have a simple rule – if you caught breaking the law twice [everyone deserves a second chance] you lose your licence. Full stop. Not for six months or a year or two. It is gone.

However, you can apply for a new one, but you have to go through the whole testing process again.

Now you can remove all those speed ramps, and stupid speed limits. Keep the sensible ones all right, if you must. You have cut out the minority who shouldn’t be behind the wheel, so the rest of us can drive around without having a coronary every five minutes.

I think you’d be surprised how the accident rate drops, not to mention the hundreds of lives that would be saved.

A couple of links….
Michele Neylon’s Blog
Cllr Damien Blake
RoadsafetyBlog

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Grandad October 24th, 2006

The scene: An interview room in a large state company. There is a bored looking interviewer waiting for the candidate.

The candidate enters. He has a shaved head, and is wearing an Ireland football shirt, tattered jeans and scruffy runners. He has tattoos on both arms that nearly hide the needle marks. He farts loudly, sits down and starts to pick his nose. A distinct smell of alcohol and old socks begins to fill the room.

The interviewer sighs, but protocol says he has to complete the interview.

Interviewer: “This interview is for a top position in a prestigious State company that has a considerable influence on the fiscal situation pertaining at the moment. Could you elaborate on your suitability for this position?”

Candidate: “Wha?”

Interviewer: “Why did you apply for the job?”

Candidate: “Me Mate told me to”

The interviewer sighs again.

Interviewer: “What educational qualifications do you have?”

Candidate: “I have me Junior Cert. I done the Group Cert when I was in the Joy but didn’t get that”

Interviewer: “And why were you in Mountjoy Prison?”

Candidate: “I done three years for the joyridin’ and another eight for sellin’ H down Pearse Street Flats. Dey let me out early cause dey were overcrowded. But me Mate might have had sumpthin to do with that too”.

Interviewer: “And what employment experience do you have?”

Candidate: “Employment? Ah jayzus deres no need to work. I have de dole and the micky money from the ten kids, and I send de mot Jacinta out to do de cleaning. It pays for de chips and de Budweiser”.

Interviewer: “And passtimes?”

Candidate: “Ah, I back a few horses and hang around. I have a load af pints with me Mate over in Drumcondra”

Interviewer: “Who is this ‘Mate’ you keep on about?”

Candidate: “Me Mate Bertie. Great fella. Has The Big Job in de government. I loaned him a few quid a while ago, and he said he owed me one. He told me to go for this job”

Interviewer: “Welcome to the board sir. We are currently redecorating your executive suite so there is no need to start immediately. Is 300 grand a year enough or would you like more?”

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