Grandad October 23rd, 2006
I bought a car last year. It’s a second hand Focus that was two years old but in pristine condition. I got a Focus because Herself wanted one. It wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I’m glad I got it.
Earlier this year, I was pootling along the motorway when I checked my speed. I like to try to keep within the speed limits. To my amazement I was doing 0. And my rev-counter said 0 too. And I was apparently out of petrol [having filled up the previous day]. Something wrong here thinks I. Then I realised all the instruments had failed [I can be slow on the uptake sometimes].
It is tricky driving when you don’t know what speed you are doing. Too slow, and you run the risk of road rage from the trucker behind you. Too fast, and it’s a few more points on the old licence. I found the best answer was to tuck in behind the slowest driver I could find. Then I could explain to the trucker that it was them that was holding us up.
I got it fixed a few days later. It cost a fortune as the whole unit had to be replaced. Funny how they can never “fix” things these days – they always “have to replace the unit”. It cost me an arm and a leg despite my protests that it was only just out of warrenty. However I was glad to get the car back and paid up. They pointed out that I now had a metric speedometer, as if this was some kind of consolation.
Actually it was. I can now legally overtake a lot of cars. Because people are driving with speedometers showing in m.p.h. and they have to mentally convert from the old money to new, they tend to err on the side of caution.
The other side effect of the repair is that the garage forgot to reset my milage counter. When I collected it, it was at zero. As the Americans would say – Yeeehawww! [I don't know why that they say that, but in this case it seems appropriate].
Anyone like to buy a three year old car with a genuine 3000 on the clock?
Grandad October 22nd, 2006
I don’t believe it. I really don’t believe it.
This country is in a mess. At least it is as far as the health service, education and welfare go. We have hospitals that remain closed because they can’t afford to run ‘em. We have people lying in trollies in emergency departments. We have people dying because their nearest hospital doesn’t have the facilities. We have an almost non-existant support for people with special needs. We have the elderly being abused in homes. We have schools falling down around the kids’ ears. And all because we don’t have the money to spend.
Then I pick up the paper today, and what do I see?
“Dublin to spend €1bn in North”
And a lot of that is going to healthcare and provision of facilities in a Derry hospital.
Now, I’m all for good relations with the North. I have the greatest respect for the people there. I like holidaying there. I would ultimately like to see a [peaceful] complete integration. I’m a supporter of the latest initiatives. But the fact remains; they are still technically a foreign country. They still are a monarchy, use Sterling and have their own laws. And we are paying for their health and the upgrading of their roads?
Or is the government just trying to look good, and they are hoping the cheque will be refused because it’s in Euro?
What is going on here? I must be misunderstanding something. Will someone please explain?
Is the whole world going mad or is it just me?
Grandad October 22nd, 2006
Why do advertisers assume we all love America? There seems to be a theory that if they use American accents or American associations that we will all be so impressed that we will rush out to buy their products.
The cosmetic ads are the worst. But quite a few others are getting on the bandwaggon too. There is an ad for fruit juice that shows people in New York doing New Yorky things and slurping the juice. What is the message? If I drink this juice I will become a New Yorker? Wow!
Another trick is to use “American style”. So we have American style this and American style that. What is American style? Is the pizza going to suddenly jump up and shout “hey there buddy.. ya wanna beer?” and then run out the door to watch a baseball game?
I don’t hate America. I’ve never been there but it looks like a beautiful country. In fact it probably has some of the finest scenery in the world. It’s the people that live there that get on my nerves. Their attitude [and that of our advertisers] is that if it’s American, it has to be good. Why?
Thank God for the mute button on the remote control.
Grandad October 21st, 2006
I get lots of e-mails. Hundreds of them. Often I think they are a little confused because they keep wanting my banking details for banks I’ve never heard of, but we all make mistakes.
I also get mails for very nice people who want to meet me. They usually start off with something like “Hi, I am a very good looking girl and would like to meet you”. That’s nice. But a lot of them come from people called George or John. I think someone should tell them what a good looking girl looks like. I wouldn’t say girls with beards and hairy chests would be very good looking.
I got one today. The title [as the risk of offending some people] is “MyPENIS HAS GROWN FROM 3 INCHES TO JUST OVER 6″, AND IS STILL GROWING!”. Fair play says I. But it is sent by “Fumiko Lady”. Now there is a girl with a problem. And apparently it’s growing! I don’t know why she is telling me about it though.
The really good news though is that I keep winning lotteries. I estimate that at the time of writing, I am worth somewhere in the region of €300 million. One of these days when I’m running a little short of cash, I’ll write back to these nice people and ask for my money.
If I’d known there were such lovely people around, I never would have bothered with a pension plan.
Grandad October 19th, 2006
It is time my Sandy had a mention on the internet.
She is one of the most intelligent and faithful dogs I have ever come across, and I’ve known a few.
She’s learning to drive at the moment. She sits in the passenger seat and watches everything I do. She is also very critical of other drivers and gives me a knowing look if she sees a bad example of driving. If I leave her in the car for a while, she sits in the driver’s seat and practices the controls.
The only thing in life she hates is loud noises. She hates thunder or fireworks. They reduce her to a quivering jelly and she has to go and hide under the sideboard. I hate this time of year [Halloween is around the corner...] as there is the occasional firework most evenings. It only takes one, and she’s gone. It could be worse though. We could be living in the suburbs where the fireworks in the leadup to Halloween would make Iraq seem like the Garden of Eden.
In the meantime, there is nothing she likes better than to curl up in bed with a good book.
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