The news will soon be full of S.H.I.T.
Grandad February 1st, 2007
My web design company [Silver Hair Internet Technology] is going from strength to strength.
I haven’t actually received any money yet, and I’m still waiting for my first order to arrive, but I know they are both coming.
I’m playing amongst the big boys now. I have tendered for a new contract, and it is big.
I can’t say too much about it because there is a secrecy clause in there, but if I say you’ll soon find it a lot easier to file your tax returns on line, you might get an idea.
They are looking for all sorts of fancy stuff on the site, but that should be no problem, because I just bought “HTML for Dummies” which Ron says is just my level.
They also want databases, so I have to dust off my copy of Works 2.0 which Ron gave me years ago. I think that does databases, so I’ll be all right there too.
They went on a lot about security and secure servers. That is easy, because I always lock up my laptop at night, and our dog is a very good watchdog. So I told them about this in my tender, so that they can sleep at night.
They also mention encryption, which baffled me a bit. Then I remembered a code we used to use in school where you replace each letter with the next one up. So “Silver Hair” becomes “Tjmwfs Ibjs”. Isn’t that clever? No one will be able to read that.
So, I think I’m ready to take on the task.
I’m a bit concerned about the amount I should charge. I know I said I’d keep my prices down a bit to start with, but this is the government after all. A few years ago they spent about sixty million Euro on an electronic voting system that didn’t even work, so I think they will be quite happy to spend big money on a site that will. So I quoted fifty million Euro. I won’t be greedy. Anyway, that should impress them and show them I’m serious.
This is really going to put my company on the map. All the papers will be full of it. I might even be interviewed. And I know the work will pour in.
I can’t wait to get the job. I’m all excited. I’ve told Herself that she won’t be able to disturb me for at least three weeks.
But most of all, I’ll be so proud to think of all those people using MY site, with my proud slogan at the bottom -
“This is a S.H.I.T. site”
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Can we buy stock in S.H.I.T.?
Can you hold off a bit? I intend shortly to float S.H.I.T. on the Dublin and London Stock Exchanges.
Me and JC are thinking of setting up an internet company too, selling football shirts to sports-crazed people for a lower prices than the shops.
For a start, how do you buy a website? No one had the common decency to tell me this!
Well, Dario, I’d sell you one, but I have a thing about sport. I don’t like it, so I’d probably do a bad design for it.
However, if you want to take the risk, just send me €10,000 and I’ll see what I can do.
/me eagerly awaits the floatation
€10,000? No guarantees? How can I lose? I’m in your debt. You’ll get a hundred free jerseys to burn or rip or deface or whatever you’re into.
I reckon that once it is listed, S.H.I.T. will float right to the top.
.
Dario - I await your cheque. Actually, could you make that cash please? I just realised I might have to pay tax on it.
Grandad,
I’m concerned that you have not recieved our cheque yet. €25,000 was posted to you last Tuesday.
I would like to thank you again for a wonderful site, and extend sincere admiration for your imaginative work.
Please let us know when you receive this payment.
http://www.manboobs.org
Offspring - Our accounts department have no record of this cheque. Did you put a stamp on it? Did you post it? Did you write it?
Glad you like the site. Pass the word around.
I’d like to put on the record that I am not at all going into business with anybody called Dario.
I mean, ffs, he’s a fucking student at UCD!
I am, however, setting up an internet arms portal to sell high end, slightly used weaponry to impoverished freedom fighters the world over, in conjunction with some old pals who have some stock they no longer need.
And if Dario ever sets foot outside of Belfield, who knows? I might have a couple of arms for sale too.
One careless owner.
TTFN, JC.