Head Rambles

Grandad March 25th, 2007

I wrote a long time ago about how there was always a little pile of poo outside my gate.

A theory was put forward that it was the postman, as postmen have to go somewhere.

So I asked him.

He said no, it wasn’t him. He said he always kept his poo for a neighbour who was always getting heavy parcels delivered, and they were never in.

So that remains a mystery.

Offspring and I did a bit of gardening yesterday. We had to cut back a hedge because it was blocking the view. Actually, it wasn’t so much a hedge as a mass of brambles, and I don’t have much skin left on my hands as a result.

One thing we found was a massive hoard of empty beer cans and beer bottles. One corner of the woodland, nearest the road is full of ‘em. They were all different brands, and would have made an interesting collection, only the cans were rusting and the labels were coming off the bottles.

Where did they come from?

I could understand it if there were a pub nearby, but the nearest pub is well over a mile away. I could understand it if it were the only dumping spot around, but there are loads of hedges they could lob their junk over, and ditches they could fill. So why mine?

So does someone have a grudge? Is Róisín Ingle coming all the way out here to deposit her empties and empty her deposit? Is it the American Ambassador perhaps? Or George W himself? I know it’s not Bertie, because the beer is the wrong brand.

Are they trying to tell me I’m a little shit and an alcoholic?

Or maybe it’s a token of affection? Could Twenty Major be camping outside the home of his idol and leaving little presents for me?

Twenty dropping a poo in my woods

In the meantime, it is a bit annoying, as I have to collect all these thing and dump them over a neighbour’s wall.

• Around the garden
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Grandad March 24th, 2007

I love the tolerant attitude of some Americans.

The Land of Freedom.

We presumably have all heard of Wikipedia? The on-line encyclopaedia?

Some Americans have taken great exception to this. So much so that they have started their own.

Now Wikipedia contains millions of articles, so they have a lot of work ahead of them. What on earth could upset them so much that they have to take on such a task?

Well, for a start, apparently Wikipedia refers to dates in the format B.C.E. instead of B.C. and C.E. instead of A.D. There is no difference between these. This is 2007 A.D. and it is 2007 C.E. It’s a bit like Celsius and Centigrade. So why are they complaining? Well, apparently C.E. means ‘Common Era’ and was introduced to remove the religious connotations in B.C. and A.D. so as not to offend non-Christians. But instead it has offended the Christians. So they are re-writing the encyclopaedia!

I suppose next they’ll be changing the days of the week because they are named after Pagan Gods?

There is another thing that galls them.

Wikipedia insists on using ‘foreign’ spelling. Now what is ‘foreign’ spelling? Apparently it is the usage of English spelling in the English language. So the English are speaking a ‘foreign’ language? I love it!!

They say that all of Wikipedia is biassed. In other words, it says things they don’t like. It presents both sides of the story and they don’t like that. It is not Christian enough. It is not American enough.

They give a list of reasons why Wikipedia is biassed. Read it for the laugh.

I came across another classic in John Mortell’s blog. I hope he doesn’t mind me borrowing it?

I love this letter. It shows a logic that is mind-numbing.

So freedom of religion means you have to believe!

And the last sentence – “I don’t care if they have never committed a crime, atheists are the reason crime is rampant”. Wow! That is an argument I’d love to hear debated.

Presumably Alice Shannon is equally intolerant of Islamic Fundamentalists? You’re heading down the same path, Alice.

I’m sorry for constantly harping on about the Americans. But you see, there is a harp on the Irish coinage so I have to.

• America
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Grandad March 23rd, 2007

I was watching the News last night

Bertie was asked why he preferred Thursday voting to Friday.

I have played the clip a few times and I still can’t understand what the stuttering idiot is trying to say.

I have transcribed what he said as far as I can make it out -

“I listened to the arguments the last time. Ehhhhh Eh Eh And it didn’t work eh quite frankly. It might have worked ssuuumdd… Friday did not work. I mean I I saw it was all over Dublin. What people do now is to get out of the city. Of course you might say that they that that would help in the country but the the the polls eh eh eh in in the city were very very low after six o’clock. Now I know it was a very bad day.”

Can someone please help?

I think the poor f*cker is cracking up altogether.

• Politics
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Grandad March 23rd, 2007

The World’s Number One Terrorist has now been causing mayhem for four years.

It is worth noting that more Americans have been killed in Iraq than died in the World Trade Centre attack.

So George W is doing Al Qaeda’s work for them and more successfully.

That of course doesn’t include other nationalities. And it doesn’t include civilians – men, women and children.

Actual figures are given here.

And what was this for?

Is Iraq a safer place without Saddam? Emphatically no.

Were there Weapons of Mass Destruction? No.

Is America a safer place? No. Iraq was never a threat anyway.

What has this unilateral war achieved apart from murder and mayhem? Nothing.

I saw two people interviewed during the week. One was an Iraqi who was emphatically anti-Saddam four years ago. He now wishes Saddam was back. “He was tyrant but, but this is far far worse”. The other was a poor deluded American soldier. He has lost both legs and has a severely disfigured arm. But he says “he is glad he went because America is now a safer place”.

What kind of madness is this?

• America
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Grandad March 22nd, 2007

So Playstation 3 is going on sale.

But how many of you remember the most addictive game ever?

Pong was introduced in the 70′s and was revolutionary. It was revolutionary for one simple reason – it was the first video game you could play on your own television.

A friend of mine got one in the mid 70′s and we literally used to spend hours playing this. You plugged it into the back of the telly and into the mains, and each of us had a small yoke with a little knob on [sounds like Bertie Ahern!].

We would then sit on the floor, transfixed at the little ball bouncing around the screen as we waggled the paddles to try and hit it.

With hindsight of course, it could not have been simpler. Compared to modern video games it was the pea-shooter to the nuclear missile. But it was the first time anyone could interact with their own television. Nobody nowadays could possibly understand the wonder of that. You are so used to computers, and machines that think, and graphics that are almost lifelike, that you could not imagine a time when these things didn’t exist. But it isn’t that long ago.

Of course any modern games enthusiast would sneer at it now. After all, you can’t kill anyone in the game. And that seems to be the pre-requisite of most modern games. The more violence, the better. And it was in black and white.

But we relaxed with the game because it was slow. It was simple. You didn’t need twelve fingers on each hand to control it. We weren’t sitting waiting frantically for Pong V 2.0 to come out. We had no idea of the future crazy world where people would go into a frenzy to spend €600 on a games machine.

Ah! The good old days!

• Rambles , Television
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