A little retrospection
Grandad May 26th, 2007
A few nice things happened yesterday.
Jimmy called around, and we discussed some home improvements. Jimmy is the handiest handyman/fixer/builder that I know of and he has some great mates who are top rate electricians and plumbers. We are going to do a little refurbishing of the kitchen, and Jimmy dismissed all my fears of a ‘big job’. So that is a weight off my mind.
We also arranged for a bloke to come around and do some heavy gardening that has been worrying me for a while. Another weight gone.
And the PDs got crapped on. From a great height. Good riddance. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of people.
Now that the dust is beginning to settle on yesterday, things don’t look too bad.
We are in for some ‘interesting’ times. Bertie may end up as Taoiseach, but he is either going to have to rely on a lot of independents and the Greens or he is going to have to sway Labour.
I can’t see the latter happening, but if it did, it’s going to be a mad coalition. But it would be the end of Labour. I doubt anyone would ever trust them again.
Whatever happens, I can’t see us ending up with a stable government.
Another very strange thing happened last night.
I saw Bertie being interviewed, and I actually liked him. Just for a moment.
He came across as humourous and reasonably intelligent. He was coherent. He made sense. He was relaxed. He slagged off journalists [which didn't amuse John Bowman]. He was likeable.
And then I remembered the state of the country, and the moment passed.
So I’m back now to planning the revolution. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I will make an excellent leader. I’m honest. I’m not corrupt. I will keep my word. I will put the people of this country first.
But I need financing.
So if there are people out there who would like to send me some bulging brown envelopes? I have set up the offshore account and the biggest donors will get the best jobs.
Things are going to change.
- Election
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Cheque’s in the post.
Make me Minister for Education - the smart will be educated and the rest put to work in the mushroom houses. We’ll have half a utopia … and a lot of slaves.
Sounds good to me.
Though I have a feeling that UCD would get the immediate chop?
Anyone out there want the Health portfolio?
I’m always up for a challenge so I volunteer for the Health Portfolio!!
Sorry Robert. Ian just commented on my previous post - I have given Health to Ian. He is a Minister and he drinks out of the milk bottle and puts it back in the fridge. I think he is well qualified.
How about Justice?
I think I would have to pass on justice. I would be too tempted to dish out some of it myself
We’ll all be doing that. I’m in contact with some arms dealers at the moment.
Health and Education are gone. Anything else you fancy?
Ok then. I’ll take on defence.
My 15 years in the FCA might stand me some good stead!
You might be a bit over qualified, but OK then. Defence it is. Just don’t point any guns at the press. Unless they’re unfriendly.
Can I be the finance minister I promise not to steal more then 10% and I will even pass some brown envelopes up the chain of command
How about Foreign Affairs?
I always fancied trying a foreign affair!
@Sean - 20% and it’s a deal.
@Grannymar - It’s yours. But no more than two cruises a year. OK?
I was thinking ‘world trip’, got the idea from our Toni!
Behave yourself, or I’ll give you the Ministry for Organising Weddings and Knitting Cardigans.
Did someone mention a Ministry of Foreigh Economic Aid and Ordinance.
All yours in exchange for a few billion and some arms.
Oh nom just Hugh Brady and I would become UCD’s President.
And the SU would all be put to work on the mushroom houses too. About time they did some work.
Make me Minister for Preventive Medicine. Hospitals will then be needed for mechanical repairs and replacements only, as well as midwifery back-up services. Present hospital buildings will convert to state-funded Wellness Institutes where we all must go once a year for 2 weeks for full check-ups plus updated personal annual programme for health maintenance, spa-type relaxation treatments, stress management and meditation classes. (That’s not my full policy document of course - just a taster).
Note: In Ancient China they paid physicians to keep the emperor well. If he became ill, the physicians got the chop (as in Head Chopped Off). A bit extreme…. but heading (ouch, sorry!) in the right direction.
As health minister I wish to propose the Swiss model for dealing with drugs. Those who want “hard” drugs can obtain them through state clinics. This means that there is no money to be made in drugs and there are consequently no drugs barons and no drugs crime.
I suggested this in a blog one time and got not one iota of response!
@Monique - Health is already gone so you can have the new portfolio of Minister for Public Wellbeing and Feeling Good.
@Ian - I like your ideas. The Swiss model is fine, and throw in the Amsterdam model too. And don’t forget - consumption of alcohol is to be banned from all public buildings!
Banning consumption of alcohol in public buildings? a travesty!
I resign already
I will not have dissension in the ranks.
It is a proven fact that passive alcohol is far more dangerous than passive smoking. This new law may be unpopular but it is for the common good.
I’ll give you one hour to reconsider your position.
Ah well. I suppose some sacrifices have to be made. Ok. count me in!
This is going to be a new regime, where we have to make some tough decisions. Some will be unpopular, but in years to come, the People of Ireland will hail us as saviours.
Glad to have you back on board.
Just to give the heads up I plan on declaring Kerry an independent sovereign nation so you may as well exclude it from your plans already. You always comes on state visits of course.
Ooh yes.. Of course. Cork will want its Independence too!
You lot are ministers. You don’t get to make decisions like that.
You’re getting Mercs, fat salaries [that we can raise any time we like] and allowances fit for a Third World Economy. What more do you want?
A shrubbery?
Sorry! I was watching Monty Python last night and it’s fresh in my mind.
Monty Python have a lot to teach us. We may use their writings as the basis for the new constitution.
Well, if we are allowed to use the Pythons as a constitutional reference, I want a pension plan.
I also want the right to buy piston engines at bargain prices and I want a wheelbarrow to push the engine along.
As a minister, you get a pension automatically.
Good idea about pushing the engine around. It’ll save a fortune on fuel imports, and is good for the environment.
I’m just relieved that Sinn Fein failed to make their much-talked-about massive gains, really.
But surely the whole point of Bertie is that he IS reasonably intelligent, humorous and likeable? These things do not necessarily a good leader make.
He’s reasonably intelligent OK, but that is outweighed by my concerns -
Too much in the pocket of big business
Too big a liking of power for power’s sake
Serious questions about his financial ethics
This country would do a lot better without The Galway Tent.
Shite, I seem to have missed out on the coup. That’s what I get for spending the entire Sunday in my pyjamas. Any portfolios left? You could send me somewhere hot and sunny as ambassador, I’m very diplomatic really…
We’ll always fit you in Caro. Loads of work to be done cleaning up the mess.
I’m going to have to do a post on this one giving the new manifesto and the list of ministers!!