Falling between two stools

Grandad July 13th, 2007

Conversation between K W Heaton and S J Lewis of Bristol University in 1997.

K: Hey Lewis! You got anything going at the moment?

S: No

K: How about doing some new research that will get our names in the books?

S: Sounds cool.

K: I was thinking that no one has ever categorised poo before into different types?

S: Shit!

K: Well, shit if you like. Or turds.

S: No. I meant ‘shit, that’s a good idea’.

K: So what we need to do is go and find loads of poos and photograph them.

S: That sounds like fun. But how will we do that? Most people flush them away.

K: Ah! I hadn’t thought of that.

S: Why don’t we find someone who will provide all the samples?

K: Brilliant idea! That chap Bingley in the labs is always complaining of constipation. We can start with him.

S: Then we can start feeding him pints of stout to loosen him up a bit?

K: Now we are getting somewhere. But how do we get to the real runny stage? I don’t think he could take enough pints for that.

S: Maybe we could shoot him up with a dose of Botulism or Cholora or something? That should do the trick.

K: Brilliant! Might prove fatal though?

S: I’m sure he’ll be all right. and it is in the cause of scientific research.

K: True. Let’s make a start……

# robert on 13 Jul 2007 at 2:26 pm

I’m lost for words! Really. I just cannot come up with anything at this moment.
# Grandad on 13 Jul 2007 at 2:32 pm

That makes a change?!
# robert on 13 Jul 2007 at 2:40 pm

Well actually… Hmm… Nope still nothing!
# Niall on 13 Jul 2007 at 3:06 pm

Could probably think of a few more types, but…. no
# Baino on 13 Jul 2007 at 3:40 pm

Notice a trend here? No women commenting on poo. It’s a boy thing. Add jokes about guinness, farting and volcanos and you’ve got a bucks party.
# Grandad on 13 Jul 2007 at 3:52 pm

No trend. You’re only the ~~turd~~ third person to comment.

I’m only reporting the facts anyway…..
# b3n on 13 Jul 2007 at 4:17 pm

Hmmmm I wonder if you apply the above chart to the following website:

http://www.ratemypoo.com

Just to be totally tasteless!
# Grandad on 13 Jul 2007 at 4:45 pm

I didn’t think taste came into it.
I sincerely hope not!
# Jefferson Davis on 13 Jul 2007 at 5:40 pm

Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
# Brianf on 13 Jul 2007 at 9:39 pm

I’m trying to figure out who’s weirder, you or K8?
So the scientist who was in charge of this project, was he the Poopy Head?
# irishflirtysomething on 13 Jul 2007 at 10:41 pm

so glad i didn’t read this at breakfast as is my regular trend – so to speak.
# Grandad on 14 Jul 2007 at 10:59 am

You have very late breakfasts, Flirty? But I’m glad you keep regular.

Everyone seems to think I’m making this up, but the chart speaks for itself.