Archive for July 16th, 2007

I am The Chosen One

July 16th, 2007

Someone is trying to tell me something.

I am used to spam. Usually they are trying to turn my anatomy into an elephant’s trunk, or get me high on Viagara [combine the two and I'd end up looking like the Stiffy by the Liffey]. Or else its Mrs Nksdftfvb from Nigeria who has billions she wants to give me.

These ones are different though.

They aren’t trying to sell me anything. They aren’t blokes who say they are girls and want me to write to them. There are no links or e-mail addresses. Just words.

here’s one I just received. It was entitled “coincidental cruise countersunk“:

congo bryophyte, corral brandon apathetic, arachne bunk. beard acquisition cargoes desegregate clergyman copolymer breadwinner. coccidiosis attica amort cancel caw creedal arabic augur acs caruso corrupt bracket. batt claire clerk ammeter burbank ado blur

And another called “cock biennial cairn”

comprehensible amperage correspondent claus. crime authoritarian arbitrage cesium cathodic clifford. contravention crossbow basepoint bamboo boca bug alpheratz brahms balfour. ape cloudburst canberra bladderwort adelaide anemone deneb.

I like puzzles. I used to be a cracker at the Irish Times Crossaire crossword until I got bored with it. I was the master in school at coding rude messages about teachers. I solved all the codes at the back of the Dan Brown books.

But these have me stumped.

I tried taking every second word and every third word [still no sense]. I tried spelling the words backwards. I counted the letters in each word and then did the Lottery with the result [I didn't win].

I notice that all the words start with a, b, c or d. Maybe they are sending music? So I tried playing them [c,a,c,c,c,a etc.]. But whoever is sending them isn’t Mozart or Beethoven.

Maybe someone is giving me words to learn from the dictionary? In which case I have a lot more to come. But Clifford is a proper noun, not a common noun. So that’s out.

Then it occurred to me. These must be from extra-terrestrials. They are sending me DNA code to establish contact. Once I crack the code and receive another million or so of these mails, I’ll be able to construct the DNA of an alien species, and I can grow myself my own alien. He/she/it will then appoint me ambassador to their planet. Wherever it is.

They examined every person on the planet and decided I was the most intelligent. Or maybe they like reading my blog?

Either way, it’s quite flattering.