Waiting

July 20th, 2007

Dear God,

I am writing to you in desperation.

I have led a good life. I have never done anyone any harm [apart from a couple of tourists but they don't count] and treat all your creation with great respect [apart from wasps]. What have I done to annoy you?

Are you having a laugh? Is all this crap weather a wee joke? If so, then I think your humour is a little warped. You must realise that a joke can wear thin. And this joke has frankly gone totally anorexic.

I completely understand if this is the start of a Biblical Flood. The world has gone to the dogs, and maybe a Flood is a good idea. It worked before. But last time you at least had the courtesy to tell Noah in advance. If it is a Biblical Flood, then at least warn me so that I can start rounding up a few animals. Just in case, I have started construction on the ark and it’s coming on quite well. I have made provision for all the animals [except wasps, tourists and politicians].

ark.jpg

Could you please stop faffing about. Could you please tell me if this is the flood, or is this just your warped humour? Even better – could you please give us a bit of summer?

Yours in dampness,

Grandad

P.S. That lightning bolt that just hit my favourite tree wasn’t funny either.

G

25 Responses to “Waiting”

  1. robert IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 10:46 am

    Summer has been temporarily delayed. It shall be resumed in early September, just in time for the kids that will be going returning to school.

  2. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:10 am

    Temporarily?????

    Can I have that in writing please?

  3. K8 the Gr8 UNITED KINGDOMon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:18 am

    The prophecy of the Cully and Scully bowls is soon to be fulfilled. *cue epic music*

  4. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:24 am

    I didn’t know there was a prophecy. You must teach me some of this occult thingy.

    Incidentally, there is no ‘c’ in Sully. They get annoyed about that.

  5. robert IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:28 am

    Funny you mention the Cully and Sully bowls. We still have relations with us that were over for a wedding recently. They are heading away today back to the UK complete with a set of 8 matching Cully and Sully bowls!

  6. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:32 am

    You should have sent them here. Then they could have gone with 800.

  7. b3n IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:48 am

    ‘Grey Skies are gonna clear UP, put on a happy f..’ click..click.. BANG!!!!!

    Cully and Sully??? Wah de fuh? Have I missed out on some defining moment of our times?

    Just did a search in Google for ‘Cully and Sully bowls’ and the first two results are Headrambles.com.

  8. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:55 am

    Just did a search in Google for ‘Cully and Sully bowls’ and the first two results are Headrambles.com.

    It’s all part of a hostile take-over bid. I’m going to be a millionaire, selling fish-pies!!

  9. Grannymar UNITED KINGDOMon 20 Jul 2007 at 12:38 pm

    How many bowls have you sold on eBay?

  10. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 12:44 pm

    About 50,000

  11. GoingLikeSixty UNITED STATESon 20 Jul 2007 at 1:35 pm

    I thought at first Grannymar asked about bowels.

    Get God on the phone and podcast it.

  12. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 1:48 pm

    I’d like to, but He won’t let me. He said it was something to do with copyright or confidentiality.

    And Grannymar doesn’t have ceramic bowels [as far as I know].

  13. Ian IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 3:55 pm

    Ah Grandad,

    Not speaking for God (Pope Benedict says he does, so none of the rest of us can), I would say, personally speaking, that there might be blessing in rain – it keeps people who have barbecues and ghetto blasters inside their homes. The air is not filled with the scent of burnt chicken and the strains of Celine Dion.

    It’s a pain this evening, though. It’s Herself’s birthday and I have a boat charter from Dun Laoghaire as a surprise for her. We were going to do a run down to Bray Head, it looks more like a run up to the Liffey and back at the moment.

  14. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 4:06 pm

    PB only thinks he does!!

    You have a point about the ghetto blasters, but there is always the Queen Solution :)

    I’ll see if I can arrange for the rain to ease a bit for this evening……… [and wish her a Happy Birthday from me!]

  15. flirty IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 4:38 pm

    Brillant !

    Can’t wait for the galway races / swim.

  16. Sean CANADAon 20 Jul 2007 at 6:00 pm

    Well Grandad since you disrespect my beloved Canada so much i though I should tell you it will be a balmy 33 degrees tomorrow with a humidex of 42 and nary a cloud in the sky.

    Put that in your pipe and smoke it along with some quality BC bud

    LMAO

  17. Primal Sneeze IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 7:31 pm

    It’s not raining is it? Bugger that. I’m staying in.

  18. Daz IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 7:39 pm

    I saw those pies in SuperValu in Cavan lately.

    You bastard, you’re infecting everyone! How much are they paying you?

  19. Nancy UNITED STATESon 20 Jul 2007 at 7:41 pm

    I’m with Sean, Grandad.

    The weather here today is brilliant sunshine, low humidity and the birds are singing their tunes to the Irish tourists who are gracing our shores at the moment. We love them, and welcome them to our country.

    Remember, tourism is a two way street so be nice!

  20. Brianf UNITED STATESon 20 Jul 2007 at 8:22 pm

    A lovely 80 degrees here. Not a cloud to be seen for miles around. There is a gentle breeze from out of the south. I think I’ll spend this evening on the front porch watching the animals scurry about while listening to the birds sing their delightful song of summer joy. While there I’ll have a cuppa tea and read a book. Maybe after the sun goes down I’ll enjoy a nice glass of Jamesons while relaxing in the yard, under a tree. The far off sounds of the children playing a game of baseball will fill the evening air with the laughter and delight of youth and summer.
    Oh, I’m sorry! What were you saying about the weather?

  21. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jul 2007 at 11:10 pm

    Sean – Will you stop whinging about how I’m supposed to hate Canada. Canada is the only decent place on the North American Continent. Followed by Mexico.

    I’m glad you are enjoying our weather. [and that goes to Brianf and Nancy too]. Can we have it back when you are finished with it please?

    Daz – See my comment of 11:55am.

    Flirty – You’re not going to give Bertie a loan are you? Or are you a builder? Or to people go to the Galway Races for something else?

    Sneezy – Are you relying on me for the weather forecast now?

  22. Sean CANADAon 21 Jul 2007 at 2:14 am

    lol granda

    I humbly apologize for my oversight

    and as a fat man I would very gladly trade you for the nice weather that 40 shit is way to over the top

    I would love to take up fishing from the patio and lazy days drinking beer

  23. Grandad IRELANDon 21 Jul 2007 at 6:48 am

    That sounds very nice and relaxing, Sean. I might take you up on that, even though I havent fished in fifty years.

  24. Sean CANADAon 21 Jul 2007 at 2:39 pm

    well Grandad I figured it would be a good way to while away the 40 days and 40 nights on the ark

  25. Grandad IRELANDon 21 Jul 2007 at 7:40 pm

    I suppose you are right, there. We’ll all have to take up fishing soon, as all the farming land is under water. And it will be practice for when the Big Flood arrives..

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