New policy for tourists

Grandad July 22nd, 2007

I went to the village this afternoon.

I was sitting outside the coffee shop, enjoying my coffee and a puff on the pipe when I saw a couple of tourists.

They were prime targets. Not only did they look lost, but one of them was a SOTH [Sunglasses On The Head - for future reference]. I was just lining up the shot, when they caught me by surprise. They called me over!!

I crossed the road to see what they wanted. Luckily they didn’t notice the rifle. Apparently they wanted someone to photograph them. So I did. I shot them with their own cameras, so to speak. They were delighted and were very grateful. They then asked for directions………….

Now I felt a bit sorry for them. I was tempted to send them up to the bogs, but it’s getting quite crowded up there. And anyway, they were a nice couple. So I told them I was a stranger to the area, and they would be better off asking directions in the local supermarket.

None of the staff in the local supermarket speak English! They can’t find where the pipe tobacco is, let alone where the local tourist attractions are.

I went back to my coffee and waited to see which direction my friends ended up taking. They came out of the supermarket and headed off on the wrong road, of course.

So. No more bog. From now on, I’m going to send everyone into the supermarket.

I can take bets with myself as to which road out of the village they’ll take. It’s like a lottery.

It’s much more fun.

Around the village
Comments(20)

20 Responses to “New policy for tourists”

# irishflirtysomething on 22 Jul 2007 at 5:38 pm

Had a charming encounter with 2 irish shop staff today, who couldn’t have acted dumber if they tried. at least the foreigners have an excuse. what’s ours?
# Grandad on 22 Jul 2007 at 5:59 pm

Irish staff don’t bother any more because they know they are going to be replaced by foreigners anyway!!
# baffled on 22 Jul 2007 at 8:41 pm

Tesco in Ballybrack today.
Me: Do you have those sets of covers for jam jars
Assistant (I use the term loosely): No we stopped doing them this May
Me to next check-out girl: Do you have those sets of covers for jam jars
Assistant 2 (without looking up from picking nails): No we just sold the last set
Me: Can I speak to a manager
Assitant 2: (Tannoy voice) Floor staff to problem customer
Manager: They’re just over. Do you make jam. I thought only auld ones did.
All the participants were Irish
# Grandad on 22 Jul 2007 at 10:11 pm

Now that is just plain badness. It’s hard enough dealing with indifferent staff, but when the management get in on the act……

But then Tescos are famous for their “customer care”.

Roll on the day when the newcomers learn English!
# baino on 22 Jul 2007 at 10:27 pm

I think they play games. I was sent to aisle 7 in bunnings to buy chlorine yesterday. It wasn’t there so a very nice young man with a red shirt pointed me to aisle 3 . . nup wasn’t there either. Turned out it was on a pallet outside in the garden centre but I managed to get in a bit of exercise finding it and lugging it back to the checkout half a kilometre away.

PS: you’ve gone soft on tourists, I feel so much safer now!
# Brianf on 22 Jul 2007 at 10:54 pm

The US State Department has issued a travel warning for the Republic of Ireland. It has come to our attention that quite a few citizens have gone missing south of Dublin. 163 people including 73 US citizens have been rescued from the bogs in this area and all have reported being given incorrect directions by a person described and a pensioner with a Grizzly Adams beard and a pipe sticking out of his pie hole.
43 others are missing and have yet to be found. This emergency alert is not limited to just US citizens. Some of the 43 missing are German, Canadian, french, Swiss and 2 are from Cote D’Ivoire.
# Nancy on 23 Jul 2007 at 3:54 am

Grandad,

You couldn’t be more wrong about the Shop keepers who give directions to us SOTHS.
They are so nice,but sometimes they make mistakes as we all do.

I asked for directions to a place called Dun Leery and they sent me to a town on the water with this strange name that I didn’t understand. It was Dun Loaghaire. I know they meant to be nice but I really got lost until this nice man with a beard and a rifle under his coat helped me to find a place that was more interesting anyway. It was called the bogs.

I hope that man comes to America someday and asks directions to Massapiqua,NY. I will send him into the nearest 7-11 store for information. The clerk there will direct him to the nearest landfill.
# b3n on 23 Jul 2007 at 8:58 am

Last week I caught an Irish supermarket staff member pretending to be foreign just so that she wouldn’t have to deal with an irate customer. She pretended not to understand him, it worked!!
# Grandad on 23 Jul 2007 at 9:55 am

Baino – They’re the same the world over.

Brianf – As usual, the US authorities have their figures all wrong. They’ll be claiming there are WMD in the mountains next. Oh shit!!

Nancy – Whenever I travel, I bring maps [and I know how to read them]. To get to Massapiqua, I head east on the Long Island Expressway and turn right at intersection 495?

B3n – I love it! The Irish are the best in the world at dodging work.
# Nancy on 23 Jul 2007 at 11:02 am

Grandad,

The Long Island Expressway to a right at 495? Yeah, that’s right.That’s the ticket,Grandad.Right into the landfill!
# Grandad on 23 Jul 2007 at 11:07 am

Oh! So Massapiqua has been removed and replaced with a hole? Makes sense…

I’m an expert on landfill sites too.
# Brianf on 23 Jul 2007 at 11:16 am

The Long Island Expressway to 495!!!!
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Too too funny!!!!
I’m not even from there but I know where that’ll take ya’
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!
I hope you enjoy your tour of Jersey.
# Grandad on 23 Jul 2007 at 11:27 am

Amityville???
# Nancy on 23 Jul 2007 at 12:42 pm

OH! HORRORS!!!!!!!!
# Grandad on 23 Jul 2007 at 12:44 pm

Am I in the right area, Nancy?
# Brianf on 23 Jul 2007 at 1:04 pm

495 will take you directly to Washington DC! You can then pop in on your favorite best bud, Georgie B.
# Grandad on 23 Jul 2007 at 1:08 pm

Maybe I misread all those weird map symbols. But I know if I take the Long Island Expressway, I’ll find a signpost to Massapiqua.

And Washington DC is a hole.

Talking of which, I see they’ve removed George W from a polyp?
# Evelyn on 20 Aug 2007 at 4:25 pm

You are so bad! I had to laugh. But, you’re so bad! I’m still laughing. Anyway, maybe they get to learn more that way. Maybe you did them a favor! I’ve found that our tourists end up knowing more about us than we do. They’re hungry for historic knowledge and we’re… comfortable. How much are the lottery tickets?
# Grandad on 20 Aug 2007 at 4:42 pm

Hi Evelyn, and welcome.

So you’re the one who started Doc on his latest??

I wouldn’t say I was bad as such. I just have reached that stage in life where I feel it’s my time to have some fun.

And of course I’m doing them a favour. Tourists who ask me for directions end up seeing all sorts of unexpected things. Some of them even see interesting things. Those that I haven’t shot, of course….

I haven’t a clue how much lottery tickets are, to be honest. I haven’t bought one since I retired. Too much sense!
# around the world in… : @ will not be televised on 16 Nov 2007 at 6:28 pm

[...] I recently adopted a murdering old Irish bugger who happens to have his own blog. He’s a hoot and – as long as he stays in Ireland – he’s not a financial drain on me (I, indeed, get to write off an extra $1,500 each April since I adopted him…shhhh!). I simply call him Grandad and he lives at Head Rambles. [...]