Odds and Ends
Grandad July 25th, 2007
“Are you going down to the village today” says Herself.
“Nah. I’m not going out at all today. I have a very bad feeling.”
“What do you mean? Feeling?”
“I just know something very bad is going to happen if I go out.”
“Like what?”
“I just know that if I drive down to the village I am going to be killed.”
“What??”
“If I drive today, I am going to come to the crossroads. There will be a woman driving a BMW on the other road. She will be talking on her mobile, and as she comes to the crossroads, she will drop her lipstick that she’s applying using the rear-view mirror. She will bend down to pick it up and will drive straight past the stop sign and into me. I’ll be pushed into the path of an oncoming bus and will be mangled against the wall. Dead. Or a vegetable for the rest of my life.”
” That’s stupid.”
“Why? It can happen.”
“But the odds on that happening are ridiculously small. One in a thousand. Or more like one in a million.”
“But it could happen?”
“Look,” says Herself patiently “with those odds, it just isn’t going to happen. Forget about it. You have a higher chance of being struck by lightning.”
“I suppose you’re right. What did you want in the village anyway?
“I wanted to buy a lottery ticket.”
- Rambles
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Which means you’d better not pop any champagne corks in the near future either. Wicked dangerous, those.
I know. I shot a magpie the other day with one.
Anyway, champagne gives me flatulence.
Aliens!
What if you bought the winning ticket and you were abducted? Far more people have been abducted by aliens than have won the lottery jackpot
http://www.scifi.com/ufo/roper/06.html
I would stay at home and send someone less indispensable.
Funny man! BaBoom!
Just read that page, Ian. Interesting. I must have been abducted because when I checked through the ‘Events’, I have experienced all but the last.
But then it usually turned out to be Herself, or general forgetfulness.
Watch out for that lottery, Grandad!
A woman came home screeching her car in the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Joe, pack your bags, I won the lottery.”
The husband said,”Oh, my Gosh,what shall I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said “Just get OUT!”.
I saw that coming from Inishturk where I was on my holidays!!!
Priceless!
Oh ye of little faith! When I win you’re not getting any of it…
Dream on, Caro….