Neat and tidy
Grandad July 30th, 2007
I mentioned the other day that I bought Herself a Dyson.
While I was out, I thought I’d buy myself a little gift too.
We have this crazy setup where we are encouraged to install wood burning stoves [eco-friendly], but are outlawed from burning wood in the garden [eco-unfriendly]. And my humble little estate is on an age where, instead of planting things, it’s a constant battle to keep plants in check. So I spend a lot of time hacking at things and cutting branches. And, of course the weather does a good job too. So I have ended up with a massive pile of old branches. And I’m not allowed to burn them.
I went into the hardware shop and toddled over to the gardening section.
I found an assistant [that took half an hour].
“Do you sell munchers?” says I.
“Munchers?” says he. “Oh! You mean shredders?”
He brought me down to one of those hidden areas that always seem to contain whatever I’m looking for.
There were a couple of munchers there and they looked impressive.
The salesman started prattling on about how efficient they were and how powerful. It occurred to me that between manufacture, transportation and running costs, these beasts probably had a massive eco-footprint compared to a piddly bonfire, but I let that pass. He also raved about the safety features. He pointed out that there was a special yoke at the top to stop you accidentally putting your hand in.
“Suppose I left that yoke off?” says I.
“That would be very dangerous.” He looked at me like I were a fool.
“Would it grind up my arm?”
He just looked at me. But I’m patient.
“A simple question.” says I “Would I be able to put, say, a severed leg through it?”
He turned very green and fainted. Young people these days have no backbone.
I bought it anyway and towed it home.
I’ve been playing with it for a few days now. It’s brilliant. It chews up everything.
The mountain of branches is gone. And I discovered in the manual that it is great for shredding paper too. Better and better.
I have quite a few invoices from arms dealers old bank statements that I didn’t want to put in the bin so in they went.
So happy days are here again. Herself spends the day vacuuming the house, and I spend the day destroying evidence making compost.
- Around the garden
- Comments(15)
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Grandad,
I do hope the red liquid in the foreground is not from former business contacts.
I know that it cannot be from tourists, your favoured material for shredding, they have already been bled dry by the Irish hospitality industry
It could be raspberry juice? I’m not sure. There are a few old colleagues in there [mainly bosses so they won't be missed].
I’ll plead innocence and say that the pile is pure timber. Well, mostly timber. Well, half of it anyway.
A most excelent tourist disposal system
There is a leg sticking out. You missed it!
It is neat. Isn’t it, Sean?!
Damn! You’re right Grannymar. I’ll tend to it this afternoon.
Though I was thinking if you aquired a mechanical deboner and a mincer you would have lots of frww dog food for Sandy as well as lots of skeletons for Halloween decorations
Sean - I think Sandy may be in there somewhere. I haven’t seen her in a while.
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Herself in a while either.
LOl started in the pile and got carried away huh?
I hope so. Maybe she’ll eat the lot, and all I’ll end up with is a ginormous pile of dog poo. [I hope you're referring to Sandy..]
Ahh . . it’s not a muncher or a shredder it’s a chipper chopper. My second favourite appliance after the leaf blower. I’ll bet mines bigger than yours! It’ll munch dead rabbits if they’re dessicated enough otherwise the blades get clogged *mwuaaaahhhh*
Leaf blowers only blow the leaves around. why do you need something for that? Doesn’t the wind do it?
Mine is definitely bigger than yours. I managed
an Assistant Director of Human Resourcesa large animal yesterday.I have to make do with an ipod and a mac for amusement. It’s not fair, at what age am I allowed to get me one of those jobbies? I assume it’s the preserve of the retired…
or is that rhubarb jam…. (the preserve of the retired)
Want to be careful there, Grandad. Meat and bone meal is banned too. That whole BSE thing.
Manuel - Be happy with your ipod [whatever that is] and your mac. The latter is very handy with the weather we’ve been having.
Getting old is not all it’s cracked up to be, because we have to spend our days giving out about young people. It’s compulsory, but they don’t tell you that until you get there.
Sneezy - If the ‘authorities’ don’t like it, they can call around. I’ll show them how it works…..