Archive for August 1st, 2007

Pros and Cons

Grandad August 1st, 2007

I find as I get older, things are changing.

Some changes are for the better and some for the worse.

But each change in its own way has its pros and cons……

Sleep

My sleep has become very erratic. I usually go to sleep at the same time each night, but wake up at different times. I set the alarm for nine [old habits die hard] but it rarely goes off. Usually I wake anywhere between five o’ clock and one minute to nine [I have a very accurate body clock!].

Pros:

  • I get to see the sun rise and hear the dawn chorus
  • I get nice long days

Cons:

  • I end up sleeping most of the day, wasting all that hard won time

Memory

I’ve mentioned this often. Short term is getting terrible. Long term is improving.

Pros:

  • We can watch the same film time and time again
  • Great excuse for getting out of things

Cons:

  • Can never find things

Flatulence

I don’t know if this is old age or diet, but it’s on the increase

Pros:

  • Great for entertaining small boys
  • Great for annoying Herself

Cons:

  • Can be embarrassing at funerals
  • Terrible when Herself retaliates

Pension

A wage for work you don’t have to do any more

Pros:

  • Regular
  • Can’t get docked if you take time off

Cons:

  • Can’t earn overtime
  • If money runs short, you have to rob the Post Office again

Mood

Old age and irritation seem to go together. Grumpy Old Men/Women is not just a television programme.

Pros:

  • You get better service as it’s expected that you’ll complain
  • Great satisfaction at tearing strips off people

Cons:

  • Everything is f*cking irritating

Flirting

At my age, I can flirt outrageously. Women know I’m not a threat, as I’m only an Old Fart.

Pros:

  • Makes me feel younger
  • Sometimes find women who like Old Farts

Cons:

  • None

Grandparenthood

Pros:

  • All the joys of children without the pain or expense
  • Watching your offspring repeating all the things they used to complain about
  • Instant eviction of children if you get tired or bored

Cons:

  • Automatically adds twenty years to your age overnight
  • Perceived as a built in babysitter

There are many others, but the memory has kicked in [out] again. See above.