Pros and Cons
Grandad August 1st, 2007
I find as I get older, things are changing.
Some changes are for the better and some for the worse.
But each change in its own way has its pros and cons……
Sleep
My sleep has become very erratic. I usually go to sleep at the same time each night, but wake up at different times. I set the alarm for nine [old habits die hard] but it rarely goes off. Usually I wake anywhere between five o’ clock and one minute to nine [I have a very accurate body clock!].
Pros:
- I get to see the sun rise and hear the dawn chorus
- I get nice long days
Cons:
- I end up sleeping most of the day, wasting all that hard won time
Memory
I’ve mentioned this often. Short term is getting terrible. Long term is improving.
Pros:
- We can watch the same film time and time again
- Great excuse for getting out of things
Cons:
- Can never find things
Flatulence
I don’t know if this is old age or diet, but it’s on the increase
Pros:
- Great for entertaining small boys
- Great for annoying Herself
Cons:
- Can be embarrassing at funerals
- Terrible when Herself retaliates
Pension
A wage for work you don’t have to do any more
Pros:
- Regular
- Can’t get docked if you take time off
Cons:
- Can’t earn overtime
- If money runs short, you have to rob the Post Office again
Mood
Old age and irritation seem to go together. Grumpy Old Men/Women is not just a television programme.
Pros:
- You get better service as it’s expected that you’ll complain
- Great satisfaction at tearing strips off people
Cons:
- Everything is f*cking irritating
Flirting
At my age, I can flirt outrageously. Women know I’m not a threat, as I’m only an Old Fart.
Pros:
- Makes me feel younger
- Sometimes find women who like Old Farts
Cons:
- None
Grandparenthood
Pros:
- All the joys of children without the pain or expense
- Watching your offspring repeating all the things they used to complain about
- Instant eviction of children if you get tired or bored
Cons:
- Automatically adds twenty years to your age overnight
- Perceived as a built in babysitter
There are many others, but the memory has kicked in [out] again. See above.
- Getting old
- Comments(27)
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So there’s more farting with old age, is there? Hmm, I’m off to buy a hot air balloon right now. Best to be prepared, don’t you think?
Hi AV,
Apparently. And what’s worse, it seems to build to a crescendo just as I go to bed. It irritates the hell out of Herself. She keeps threatening to spray me with perfume.
Hi Grandad
Just happened upon your rambles and I haven’t laughed so much in ages. You’re such a tonic in this mad, mad world.
However I can’t help but wonder if your Cully & Sully diet might not have something to do with the flatulence problem!
Keep on rambling…I’m lovin’ it
Hi Steph, and welcome. I should have said welcome to AV too. Two new visitors before any of the regulars!!
I doubt it’s the Cully & Sully. They’re too nice. Herself keeps insisting I eat my greens though which could have a bearing.
Come to think of it, last night was quite calm, and we had Cully & Sully for dinner [pies, not the lads themselves]. So they’re out. I must write to them - something else they can advertise ["Our pies contain no additives and do not cause farts"].
Thanks for the welcome. Don’t worry - just like with Cully & Sully - I’ll be back for more!
Are you masochistic Steph, or just plain weird?
I was going to leave a comment but now I can’t remember what I was going to say. I wish I could find my glasses.
You know what’ll happen if you find them on the top of your head……….
Yea, I’ll become a GOTH.
It was dry at 5a.m!
Now give me a man who will sing in the morning! No Old Farts need apply.
Sorry! Fell asleep. Up since the wee hours again.
I don’t sing in the morning so I won’t bother applying.
No, but I know a good thing when I see it!
If you’re in need of a little distraction from the pros and cons of old age, have a read of my blog at
http://biopsy.wordpress.com/
I hope it doesn’t put you back to sleep!
Already been there, Steph!!
I take it then that you will not be too offended by my comments on our illustrious Minister for Health? [If you do a site search for 'Harney' you'll find one or two mentions]
You know, (of course you don’t you’re not a mind reader.)
I really was looking forward to being able to flirt a lot and not have my herself get in a tizzy.
I’m not there yet.
Whenever I’m nice to a pretty young thing, she gives me the look.
I’m still such a stud, she still gets jealous!
I am a mind reader actually [ask Herself!] but I was asleep.
I’m still a bit of a stud myself, but Herself thinks I’m not. So I get away with it.
Like I said, it’s my life ambition, to be old…
Sweet post…
Grandad,
The best part about getting old is that you can have more fun. This guy did.
An old guy in Louisiana owned a large farm with a big pond on it, and some nice fruit trees. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a bucket with him to carry back some fruit.
When he got to the pond some young ladies were in there skinny dipping.
He made the women aware of his presence and they screamed” We’re not coming out till you leave.”
The old man answered.”I didn’t come down here to see you naked or make you get out the pond naked,.” Holding up his bucket he said,
“I’m here to feed the ALLIGATOR”
Steph, Grandad, get a room … or some sort of communication device, a la Skype …
This poor attempt at humour brought to you by Pepsi Max, Coke Zero, and any number of carbonated water-containing beverages that I miss …
Manuel - I hope it’s one ambition you achieve.
Nancy - That’s another thing about age… We’ve learned all the tricks!
Daz - For f*ck’s sake, have a coffee! You’re becoming incoherent.
Note to Steph… Daz is on a bet for €100 that he can go for two weeks [I think] without coffee. He obviously badly needs caffeine. He has become a right pain in the *rse since the bet started.
Two weeks? Apparently it’s a month.
He has become a right pain in the arse since the bet started.
Thanks, it’s always good to get feedback on my work.
you make being older sounds like a lot of fun! great blog!
Daz - A month? When is the month up? We want to know when the old cheery Daz is back. [I'd damn near pay the €100 myself just to stop you complaining]
Paul - Thanks! Being older is a lot of fun. Maybe I’ll write on that very topic?
Thanks for the explanation, Grandad.
Detoxing from caffeine can be hell. Been there, got the tee-shirt but I rapidly came to my senses and the conclusion that I’d rather die happy - as a coffee addict! The secret is ‘in moderation’.
Shss! Don’t tell Daz.
Excellent stuff, I’m now looking forward to getting older.
And why wouldn’t you, Betty? It’s great craic.
Hello Granddad,
Happened across your site while looking for reasons why I hate getting old. Now, I’m an American so I guess I hate getting old because I’m running out of time to spend all my money funding my hedonistic lifestyle.
Oh well, all good things…
I am of Irish decent, my dad grew up in a shack in Bridgeport Ct selling fish door to door and died from alcoholic cirrhosis. Such is the life of a good Catholic Irishman. Ryan, Webb, Welch, Gray.. I think there may be some English in there. I’m not sure if I should hate myself, kill myself, or just control myself.
Love your site.
Rob
Hi Rob,
For a start, you should have been searching for reasons to like getting old!
I used to worry about it. I’m at an age now, where as a teenager, I would have described as ancient and decrepit. I had visions then of shuffling around with a walking stick and being a waste of space.
Now that I have got here, I am delighted. I have never been happier. I have a new confidence. I have fewer worries. I don’t have to worry about the mortgage, because it’s paid off. I don’t have to worry about my daughter, because she has grown up. I don’t have to worry about job prospects or bad tempered bosses, because I am retired. I can do what I like, when I like.
I don’t have much money, but I have learned that money is a millstone. Give up the things you don’t need, and live the simpler life.
So, Rob. Don’t hate yourself or kill yourself. That would be a waste. What is there to hate? Look on the positive side. There must be something?