Side effects
Grandad August 13th, 2007
One of the drags of getting old is that you have to start taking medication.
Every night I have to take a Big Red Pill.
This pill has side effects – it causes disorientation, and makes me walk in circles.
To counteract that I take another pill.
This pill has side effects – it causes hormone imbalance, and makes me grow boobs.
To counteract that I take another pill.
This pill has side effects – it causes erectile function, and gives me a permanent stiffy.
To counteract that I take another pill.
This pill has side effects – it causes visual impairment, and gives me a terrible squint.
To counteract that I take another pill.
This pill has side effects – it causes agression, and makes me want to kill everyone.
To counteract that I take another pill.
This pill has side effects – it makes my skin turn green.
To counteract that I take the Big Red Pill.
-oOo-
And one of my kind readers has supplied the solution.
Thank you Michael
- Getting old
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They say nothing works faster than Anadin, so I’d take nothing if I were you!
Oh Grandad! You are beginning to look like me!
Do you rattle yet?
It looks like Smarties might be the way to go! You could choose a different colour for each symptom.
http://www.independent.ie/health/antibiotics-might-as-well-suck-a-sweet-1057503.html
Thanks for reminding me. I forgot to take mine this morning. Off to do it now.
Steph – I would love to take nothing. But then all the side effects would kick in!
Grannymar – Only when I run. So I don’t run much. It frightens the dog.
Robert – The green ones or the pink ones?
One is small and white.
One is blue and white.
And the last one is yellow!
Be careful of those blue and white ones. They give you an irrational impulse to break windows.
Do you know? I was wondering what those irrational urges I was getting lately were coming from
now I’m off to buy some perspex!
Either that or take the little pink ones with purple spots. They counteract the urge. But they make you hair fall out.
The purple spots are before your eyes and not on the pills!
Dammit!! You’re right. It’s the little puce ones cause that. I keep forgetting [and that's caused by the multicoloured capsules]
Try substituting Smarties – you could choose a different colour for each ailment – much more fun!
Or Skittles! I imagine all the food colourings could lead to a whole lot of fun!
Oh God, no! Think of all those E numbers. They’re bad for you.
“One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small…”
When Jefferson Airplane sang about such things in the ’60s, I don’t think they anticipated the reality of being ___ years old and taking pills for non-recreational reasons.
I wonder how many green-tinged aggressive men with squinty eyes and boobs are walking around in circles with smiles on their faces!
“I wonder how many green-tinged aggressive men with squinty eyes and boobs are walking around in circles with smiles on their faces!”
Only me.
So true. A mate has CF and takes 63 pills a day. Only five pills are for the CF and the other 58 are for the varying degrees of side effects created.
Grandad,
Cheer up. things could be worse.
I got a new pill from the pharmacist the other day and when I read the instructions I immediately called the doctor.
“Doc, is it true that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?
“Yes, I’m afraid so”. he said.
I was stunned for a moment before I could reply.
“I’m wondering then, just how serious my condition is because the bottle is marked “NO REFILLS”
Ah! CF! Don’t talk to me about it……..
Draw your own conclusions..
Nancy – all you have to do is count the pills…..!!
In that case, it’s curtains by next Tuesday.
Nice knowin’ ya, Grandad!
Grandad,
You realize, of course, that there are other meanings for the word “side”. I’m sure that you’re too wise (and terrified of your better half) to “have a piece on the side” lest you get a “whack on the side of the head”.
Surely your medication doesn’t cause you to experience that nasty British variation of “side”: affected superiority; arrogance.
Although, since you are considered by many (some) to be superior, I guess that wouldn’t be side after all.
OMG…lol…That is too-too funny, Grandad. Shouldn’t it be red though? I mean, do you really want to take a bluish pill that will inevitably make you feel blue, before taking the last hit!
Fan-damn-tastic post, Grandad.
P.S.: Sorry for the cursing, but I felt it was necessary.
You could of course desist from taking all pills and just let them measure you for the box.
Did it ever occur to you that some people actually need pills to waken to go to sleep ; to be amorous , and to be less so.
Quit cribbing ; get a life ; or make the most of whats left of the one you have
[...] seems, however, that Grandad forgot to sign up or some such – probably because of all the pills he takes – and so when Grannymar broke a tooth last week, it came out of their own [...]