Time I was melted down
Grandad August 16th, 2007
I think I’m going to sign myself into the knackers yard.
For the last three days I have had to put up with getting up early in the morning, noise, dust, being confined to the junk room and waterfalls in the bathroom.
The floor is finished now and it is a great job.
New floor on left
Old sh*t floor on right
Yesterday, I had to move all the furniture back [and Herself wanted everything in different places and tables swapped between rooms.....] and start on the tidying process.
Today I have all my work to do that I wasn’t able to do since last week, a mountain of scrap timber to move over to the Cowboy’s shop to set fire to, a table to dismantle, some old radio equipment to dispose of in a ditch somewhere and some work to be done on the tank on the roof. The grass needs cutting and there is packaging from the flooring blowing around the lawn.
And it’s about to rain again.
So what am I going to do?
Nothing.
The table can stay where it is, blocking the doorway. The old flooring can stay where it is in a huge pile on the lawn. The waterfall in the bathroom can remain as a tourist attraction. My work can wait one more day. The grass can grow another couple of inches. The radio equipment can remain cluttering up the place.
I have my old armchair back.
I’m going to sleeeeeeeeeep.
- Around the house
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“I have my old armchair back.
I’m going to sleeeeeeeeeep.”
An old mans work is never done, literally never done….
Gee you have gone all swanky!
New flooring and a Wet Room all at once!
The pension down there must be good.
Any chance of a loan?
Grandad, Be sure to snore nice and loudly. Now that you’ve invoked the knackerman, we don’t want him to come and haul you away!
What you need is a cold stout and chaser, a comfortable warm snug, a few of the lads, two packs of taytos and all day to do nothing. I find that always helps.
That’s it Grandad, put the feet up! You’ve had an exhausting time lately.
You may be knackered Grandad – but I suspect you’re not done yet! Sleep soundly!
Grandad,
Of course we know who the Knackerman is:
Didn’t we spend years watching “All Creatures Great and Small?”
Didn’t we get all caught up in the adventures of James, Siegfried and Tristan (Smoking his Woodbine cigarettes)?
How many episodes over 7 years featured Mr. Biggins and Mrs Pumfrey and the old reliable KNACKERMAN ?
Believe it or not, we are still showing reruns of this show by popular demand.
Sorry people, I robbed Grandad to help me with yet another SNAFU situation this morning…
…so he didn’t get to kick it back after all. Give him an hour or two to put himself back in the pickle jar and recuperate!
I know. I’m a bitch.
*props eyes open with a couple of matchsticks*
OK. As soon as I pressed the last post [hah! - Last Post indeed] up onto the website, the phone rang, and as our K8 said – a mission of mercy….!
So here I am, 100 miles and four hours later, still waiting for sleep.
Steph must be psychic?
Swiss Job – That sounds like a brilliant idea – except for one tiny snag… The f*cking anti-smoking crowd. They have ruined that cosy scene forever [or at least until scientists discover that smoking is good for you].
Grannymar – I am cleaned out. Not a cent left. It’s other peoples dustbins until the next pension cheque arrives. I warned Herself that this day would come.
Nancy – will you stop mentioning old television programmes please? Now I have that damned theme tune running through my head!!!
And for the rest of you – I wouldzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Oh dear.
Hope you had that flooring installed by a professional. Looks like solid wood replacing laminate.
The problem with solid wood flooring you see is that it expands, in fact I’ve seen cases where it has expanded so much that adjacent walls have collapsed.
Needs to be properly spaced to account for this. The problem can occur particularly in the summer months in a damp environment.
Have you got insurance?
Thank you Dave. You have really cheered me up!
The sh*t flooring was sold [and charged for] as solid. The other [new] is solid and was laid by professionals. They know all about expansion.
A neighbour had the problem you mentioned – his walls collapsed!!
I have insurance on the car. That any good?
Well you can kip in it if your house falls down
Frankly, at this stage, I couldn’t give a damn. As long as I can get some kip…..
I thought you needed less sleep as you get older! There’s time to sleep when you die as Brianf would say! Hey the weekend’s coming up, you can catch up with Granpa naps. Floor looks much nicer quality.
Baino – You are all heart. The floor is lovely. Nice and solid. Though strangely enough, the colour is much the same. I don’t know why the photo showed such a contrast.
And to put your mind at rest, I had about four hours kip during the evening and a good solid night’s sleep thanks. No need to die just yet.
Ah, sorry I missed the fun or sleep.
Congrats on the finished flooring, Grandad. Just don’t let the waterfall reach it.
Thanks, JD. I got my sleep in the end. The floor is lovely [and dry], and we are holding a masked ball for 500 people this weekend.