Congrats on the finished flooring, Grandad. Just don’t let the waterfall reach it.

And to put your mind at rest, I had about four hours kip during the evening and a good solid night’s sleep thanks. No need to die just yet.

The sh*t flooring was sold [and charged for] as solid. The other [new] is solid and was laid by professionals. They know all about expansion.

A neighbour had the problem you mentioned – his walls collapsed!!

I have insurance on the car. That any good?

Hope you had that flooring installed by a professional. Looks like solid wood replacing laminate.

The problem with solid wood flooring you see is that it expands, in fact I’ve seen cases where it has expanded so much that adjacent walls have collapsed.

Needs to be properly spaced to account for this. The problem can occur particularly in the summer months in a damp environment.

Have you got insurance?

OK. As soon as I pressed the last post [hah! - Last Post indeed] up onto the website, the phone rang, and as our K8 said – a mission of mercy….!

So here I am, 100 miles and four hours later, still waiting for sleep.

Steph must be psychic?

Swiss Job – That sounds like a brilliant idea – except for one tiny snag… The f*cking anti-smoking crowd. They have ruined that cosy scene forever [or at least until scientists discover that smoking is good for you].

Grannymar – I am cleaned out. Not a cent left. It’s other peoples dustbins until the next pension cheque arrives. I warned Herself that this day would come.

Nancy – will you stop mentioning old television programmes please? Now I have that damned theme tune running through my head!!!

And for the rest of you – I wouldzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

…so he didn’t get to kick it back after all. Give him an hour or two to put himself back in the pickle jar and recuperate!

I know. I’m a bitch.