You started it
Grandad August 20th, 2007
A lot of you are still concerned about my references to shooting tourists.
I explained the origins a couple of weeks ago.
But one thing you Americans have to understand about the latest frenzy of tourist shootings -
YOU STARTED IT.
It really started with the World Trade Centre.
For some strange reason Pea-Brain Bush decided it was tourists who caused that and made his famous declaration of “War on Tourism”.
Some flags and a Pea-Brain
” We will direct every resource at our command — every means of diplomacy, every tool of intelligence, every instrument of law enforcement, every financial influence, and every necessary weapon of war — to the destruction and to the defeat of the global tourism network.” he said.
” From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support tourism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime. Our nation has been put on notice, we’re not immune from attack. We will take defensive measures against tourism to protect Americans.” he said.
” It will not end until every tourist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated.” he said.
I was perfectly prepared to let him get on with it. If he wanted to get in on the game, then that was his business. But then he came up with the classic line of the bully “Either you are with us or you are with the tourists.“. So if I don’t agree with him, then I am a tourist? That was enough for me. I armed myself along with my fellow compatriots and set to shooting as many Americans as I could find.
Frankly, I think the whole thing is getting a bit out of hand. Tourists are being blown up and shot all over the world. And a lot of innocent people are being killed in the crossfire. The Americans call that “friendly fire”!! What a tacky expression. Any bullet that kills me is not particularly friendly in my opinion.
In fact, you Americans have been so enthusiastic about the whole business, that you have run out of bullets. You have actually started paint-balling tourists, which quite frankly is not playing the game. At least we still have warehouses full, so you can be guaranteed a warm and genuine lead welcome in Ireland.
It seems the only safe place for tourists now is Cuba. They always wanted to be a big tourist destination, and now they have their wish. But apparently the American Supreme Court is trying to stop that.
There used to be another tourist camp at a place called Abu Ghraib. That was closed too due to an over enthusiastic hostess called Lindy England.
Lindy entertaining a tourist
So if you want the killing to stop, just ask Pea-Brain Bush to give the word. He started it. He can stop it.
Mind you, I will still retain our old rural tradition and pop off the odd one.
Just for sport.
And I won’t be using paint.
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Would the Chinese lead paint not work?
Maybe that’s all part of some conspiracy? I hadn’t thought of that.
I predict a very busy and a very nasty future for you lol
Them muricans don’t believe any one who is not a murican have the right to criticize there cumhander and cheese lol
Excelent grasp of the language if only the wee shrubbery had half your gift
“I predict a very busy and a very nasty future for you”
And who said retirement would be dull?
You have to feel sorry for the Wee Shrubbery though. He is obviously in way over his depth. He hasn’t a clue what is really going on. He has to rely on God to tell him what to do, and maybe the line is bad? Or he’s talking to the wrong God?
The tourist hunting season here is starting to pick up all of a sudden. Plenty of foreign registered cars about and not Polish or Lithuanian for a change.
WHERE???? I’m packing the car as I type. The buggers have deserted this area [unless I've culled them all?]. I’ll be with you as quickly as I can break the speed limits.
Down here at the not so sunny southeast. We are on the border with Waterford so there could be some bonus points to be had by culling some of them.
I’m on my way. I’m bringing 10,000 rounds. Do you reckon that will be enough?
Should be enough. If you run out I can give you some. .22 long or .22 Hornet?
.22? I use .45 or .606 – a nicer effect [especially the hollow point ones].
All started by a man who describes himself and his own countrypeople as pubic wigs.
‘My fellow Merkins…….’
b3n – Don’t forget the “turrists” and the “nuculur” weapons.
Aloominum!
Spanyard season is in full swing. I’ve wracked up 370 points on random kills. I gave myself a bonus 50 points for the playground explosion as that was pure genius on my part.
The shopping centres are the place for the Spanyoyos. Good score K8. Fair play [hah!] for the playground. Which reminds me – I must re-mine the public tennis courts again…..
I popped a few shots off on an English tourist yesterday! How many points do I get?
Remind me not to visit, until you’ve exhausted the bullet supply!
Depends…
Was it a scare, a near miss, a graze, a flesh wound or did you splatter his/her brains across the county?
Ah, it was a near miss! He was squirming too much after the first shot, which took out a street map! At least, he’ll be lost, until I return.
You popped off “a few shots” and yet “it was a near miss”? You badly need some practice. Either talk to Brianf, or I’ll give you some lessons when you are over.
I’d give you 500 points for a Luxemburger, very rare sight.
500 points for a Luxemburger? You can get them for €2.50 in Big Macs.
Seriously though, if you can bag an Andorran, that’s a good one.
THe crazy thing is, people have actually taken you seriously with this …
Were humourectomies 2-for-1 this week or something??
LOL I was thinking about moving “home” to ireland, but after reading this blog, and the fack that I can’t bring my popguns [read GUNS] to ireland, the the fact that some in the land of the green seem to think that a rock crapper is made of gold, I might just stay home…. with our wee shrubb and his cray stuff. Unless, he get us all killed that is.
me
Don’t worry, Daz. Mercans love being shot at. That’s why they have so many guns over there.
Bloodroyal – As you say yourself, you are moving home. You will be welcomed [if you can afford it]. All you have to do is lose the Mercan accent [assuming you have one] and we’ll supply the popguns.
Thanks! I have been surprised with the cost of living in Ireland. I know I can get a job, but will I have the quality of life that the extra cost of living should provide?
We shall see. I plan on making another trip back in about 3 months. I shall start looking for property in the center of the country.
Bloodroyal
And bear in mind we don’t do everything in Instant Obesity portions over hwere …
And to quote WB Yeats (I must be losing it when I’m quoting him):
Romantic Ireland’s dead and gone, it’s with O’Leary in the grave.
And if that was 1913, think how much the country has changed in 96 years …
And I started too many sentences with ‘and’.
Vocabulary no good-good today.