A rose by any other name
Grandad August 21st, 2007
I was exposed to the most horrendous torture last night.
I managed to grab the TV listings and sit on them. But I had to go for a pee.
Herself grabbed the listings while I was out of the room. By the time I got back, she had discovered that The Rose of Tralee was on.
Now you know why I was sitting on the listings.
I pleaded. I begged. I threatened. But she switched over anyway. She had the remote control and the frying pan, so it was out of my hands.
The Rose of Tralee is car-crash television at it’s best [or worst]. You find yourself covering your eyes, and then peeking through your fingers. It’s like the Eurovision, but without Terry Wogan to take the p*ss out of it. And it goes on, and on, and on, and on.
We saw the second half of the first part last night. Herself has booked it for tonight because she says there is nothing else on. I think I’ll stay out in the kitchen and extract my teeth with a pliers.
What gets me is that the girls are all exactly the same. Somewhere in China, there is a factory churning them out [presumably with a lethal lead content]. They try to disguise that they are different by giving them different accents [and the American ones have to say "so, like" every ten seconds] but the formula gives them away…
- They all do Irish dancing
- They all think the best thing that has ever happened to them is getting to the finals.
- They all wanted to be contestants when they watched the programme as children.
- They all wave to a rowdy banner waving bunch in the audience.
- They are all pursuing [or about to pursue] incredibly rewarding careers.
- Their mammies cry and their daddies look embarrassed.
- If they are not Irish, they are there because their great great grandfather was deported for stealing tunips.
- They all designed or made their dresses.
- None of them want to win. Being there is enough.
I’m waiting for the first girl to admit that she was thrown out of school in first year and that she has been a pole dancer since she was sixteen to support the five kids [Jacinta, Brittney, Jason, Brad and Mercedes]. She’ll tell Ray D’Arcy to f*ck off because he’s asking boring questions. For her talent spot she’ll sing a song she composed herself about her court appearances. None of her family will be in the audience, because they couldn’t get temporary release. She will finally flounce off the stage taking all the trophies with her [hidden under the blanket in Jacinta's pram].
Now there’s a girl that represents modern Ireland!
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As always -spot on! Me thinks perhaps a second telly might be the answer to this problem?
Have you no Kerry blood in you?
Why not go in drag and liven the show up for everyone.
Steph - I will carry on, year after year in the hopes that my heroin heroine will turn up.
Grannymar - I was wondering about doing that. I slobber at the thought of the dressing room and all the groping possibilities, but the pipe and the beard might be a givaway.
Nowadays anything goes!
Maybe I’ll nip down tonight and sneak in the back door? I still have my RTE pass somewhere.
Now THAT would be fun! You could quietly ‘do away with’ Ray D’Arcy and present your own version of “a Rose by any other name”.
I hear good things about the Texas Rose, sounds like quite a catch. Are they all called Assumpta or Delores?
…did someone mention groping (nearly) underage, (nearly) nude, (nearly) attractive girls?!?
and the only impediment is soem lightweight talk show host? heck, i’ll go through him like shrub through powder…
okay - just browsed the Rose of Tralee International Festival web site and saw Ray D’arcy: need to revise my estimate - i figure he’ll fold like a cardboard box in the rain…
Manuel - Nah. They’re all Siobhan or Mary or something. To be honest, I couldn’t tell one from another. The Texas Rose may have had some oil concealed somewhere..?
Doc - Mind the heart!! Don’t worry about D’Arcy. I’ll see him off tonight.
Ahhh, but they’re all luvely girls! I hid the TV last night. Told MsB3N that I saw it disappearing down a mouse hole in the sitting room.
Oh dear god. Is it that time of the year already? Wake me up when it’s over.
Grandad,
What? Those girls don’t have very high ambitions, do they?
Our Miss America contestants are only in the contest to make enough money to go to medical school and find a cure for cancer. OR, they plan to start a foundation to stop Date rape, OR they want the wild monkeys of Borneo who are in the Bronx Zoo released back into the
jungle.
They have important stuff on their minds(?) and must win the contest in order to save the World with their beauty.
No wonder you would rather pull your teeth out with pliers than watch it.
you see there is a way of dealing with the tourists without actually shooting them ,put them up with ray d’arcy and they never come back and their families are so mortified they couldn’t show their faces again. mind you i don’t get why the locals do it some form of weird growing up ritual that some young ones feel the need to perform so they can face the weirder world of adulthood.better than mooning people in strange lands one supposes or have any of the roses tried that!
Bet on how many actually get shagged by their bachelor escorts.
Or do what we did one year. Turn down the sound of the TV and dub their voices with with your own.
Points awarded for the most vulgar Rose.
Hmmmm! Roses mooning at the camera! Now I like that idea. I might try that tonight [I'm blogging on the train at the moment].
SID - Knowing the Lads from Kerry - 95% It’s a wonder that nobody had dubbed the video and put it on YouTube. There ya go SID… Something for you to do.
Its all true. There are in fact several factories pumping them out. I have a few of them in the shed, but they are deactivated and only good for scrap. you see the ones i have are second hand. I have been looking for spare parts for them on ebay but they are too expensive
I want to get one running again so i can install netbsd on her and use her as a sort of slave but not a sex slave cause i’m not the filty pervert everybody thinks I am, and maybe she can be my webserver as well. Its a bit like the mail order russian brides from long ago, but Russia has gone up market now, only the elite can afford a russian one these days and peasants like me have to settle for used, second hand, logbook full high mileage ones that don’t work anymore.
maybe someday they will be able to do simple tasks for me. the software that is loaded on them when you get them is useless and the chinese bastards want me to pay them €150 for a freaking serial cable to reprogram them but i’ll make my own
am totally with the alternate rose idea, we could do it via the blog and have contestants like sweary.
Dankoozy - Have you tries Linux? Either that, or give them a reboot up the arse.
Flirty - Not a bad idea. I can enter Herself, and all. [I might even put my own name in the hat?]
I am actually from Tralee. Can you imagine what torture that is?
OMG! You have my deepest heartfelt sympathy. I don’t blame you for moving to Holland.
@grandad - nobody made a port of it to run on brain. and the 2.6 kernel is too big to fit in their pea sized brains anyway even if there was a port
You could always run them for the presidency??
its worth a try..
And you [we?] would have full control