Archive for August 30th, 2007

The fans have hit the S.H.I.T.

Grandad August 30th, 2007

Once more, with feeling, I have a problem.

For those of you who are new to this place, I have [had] a friend Ron, who with our pal Dick runs a web design business. I shot Ron [accidentally, I might add] a few weeks ago but couldn’t tell Dick. So I had to lash off and buy “HTML for Dummies”, “MySQL for Dummies”, “PHP for Dummies” and “CSS for Dummies” and then pretend to be Ron. They are incredibly boring books, by the way. Don’t get them if you want a laugh.

My problem is that I seem to be a better businessman than Ron.

My first site was a great success, and the phone hasn’t stopped ringing since.

I now have lost count of the number of jobs I’m working on. I think it’s six or seven. And they all want me to finish yesterday. I had two phone calls yesterday – two more jobs…..!

I am now slowly sinking in a morass of dollar signs and curly brackets. I have nightmares about pixels and database updates. I have resurrected S.H.I.T.

I want to sit here and smoke my pipe and drink my tea. I want to write rude posts on my blog. I want to visit other peoples blogs and leave rude comments there. I want to relax and enjoy my retirement. But I don’t have the time any more.

Mind you, the money is f*cking good!

Put out your Recycle bin for collection on Fridays

Grandad August 30th, 2007

There are times when computers p*ss me off.

When I say ‘times’, I really mean ‘all the time’.

In the evening, I usually bung my computer into Hibernate. That way, I don’t have to go through the painful process of opening each program in the morning.

I fired up my ‘puter this morning, and it did its usual thing of trying to update everything at once. That takes an age because the anti-virus is fighting with Windows, and Windows is fighting with some other program, because they all reckon they have first dibs on my internet connection.

Anyway, the anti-virus won and updated itself. Then it farted at me and told me I needed to reboot.

B*ll*x! I had to frantically check everything to make sure it was saved, before the reboot. And of course that never goes smoothly. Half my programmes insist that they want to complain to Microsoft because they are stuck.

Anyway I rebooted.

As soon as I did, Windows got into the queue and it has started updating itself. Now I know that any second it’s going to demand another reboot. It can f*ck off. I’ve had enough of that for one day.

-oOo-

On another note – I emptied my Recycle bin today. I remember to do this about once every six months. It’s not like my usual bin which is emptied on Tuesdays.

Now, what worries me is that I am throwing away millions upon millions upon millions of bits of information here. Where do they go? Is it into landfill? Is there a huge hole somewhere that is gradually filling up with the contents of peoples recycle bins?

Or is the information actually recycled as its name implies? Am I re-using all those letters and numbers at this very moment? Am I writing with recycled text? What guarantee have I that a rude picture mightn’t decide to recycle itself into the next letter I write to my solicitor?

Now I’m worried again…….