Archive for August, 2007

Lament to an old friend

August 28th, 2007

I went for a pint last night for the first time in a while.

I got chatting to Mick who is one of the barmen. He pulls great pints and is an affable sort of bloke.

“I haven’t seen yourself and Ron in here lately.” says he. “I heard you shot him?”

“Yeah. It was an accident. But he doesn’t see it that way”

“Ah! Some people are like that. They take things personally. Have you seen him since?”

“No. He sent me a letter bomb a few weeks ago, which was messy. It blew up a builder.”

“There’s no call for that,” says Mick “it’s hard when people bear a grudge.”

“Then a few days later he took a shot at me outside the coffee shop.”

“So that’s who shot Sargent Murphy? We wondered who that was.”

“Yup, it was Ron. I feel sorry for Murphy, but they say he can still have children if he tries hard.”

“You haven’t seen Ron since then?”

“Not since last week, when he dropped a concrete block onto me from a bridge on the M50″

“Nasty. Did he get you?”

“Nah! I saw him in time and swerved. He got one of those Smart cars that was behind me.”

smart.jpg

“God, but they’re ugly yokes, those Smart cars. Did he do much damage?”

“Let’s just say that the designers thought that they were smart, but they weren’t smart enough to design their car to take a nine inch concrete block dropped from a bridge.”

“Ouch! Messy?”

“Messy is not the word. Give us another pint will ya?”

I’ll miss Ron. He was such a placid bloke.

-aAa-

If you are looking for an old friend, try an online People Search to re-connect. The internet has made it possible to Find People from your past, but searching through Public Records and other databases to find the People we seek.

My loving daughter

August 27th, 2007

I am getting concerned.

Some time ago, K8 and TAT started leaving stuff here ‘for storage’.

First it was a log burner. That was followed by a fridge, a patio heater, a gas cylinder and various other bits and pieces. We have also somehow inherited a trampoline and an inflatable children’s pool.

Now TAT has left their computer here. And that is very dear to his heart. He can’t live without his games.

K8 has somehow acquired a key to the house and is insisting that I park permanently in the lane, in case they call. I’m also starting to get their post. And phone calls. The calls for K8 are OK, but the calls for TAT are rather worrying ["Tell TAT that the job is on for Tuesday night" or "Tell TAT that the shipment is arriving in Dingle Bay". They never leave a name or a number.]

They called again on Sunday. TAT rewired my office in a strange way, so that his equipment works but mine doesn’t. K8 cooked us a beautiful barbecue that was like nothing I have ever tasted before. She wouldn’t say what the meat was [but come to think of it, I haven't seen the neighbour's cat since?]. Then she went off and measured all the windows.

This morning we had a couple of strange phone calls. The first was from a builder who wants to convert our garage into a games room. The second was from a rather cranky woman in the “Shangri La” retirement home in Reykjavik, in Iceland about a lifetime booking [?]. Both callers hung up when they realised that K8 wasn’t here.

I am extremely honoured that K8 and TAT want to give me all their furniture and stuff and even their precious computer. It is very generous of them. They are lovely kids.

But why do they want to book themselves into an old folk’s home in Iceland?

I’ll never understand my daughter.

I’m a bit concerned for her.

Smoking makes you live longer

August 27th, 2007

Fact.

Studies by eminent psychologists show that happiness increases your lifespan.

Apparently, a happy, positive person can expect to live ten years longer.

Now, they claim smoking can knock five years off your life, though they don’t mention the figures for pipe smoking.

So if I quit the pipe, I am going to be miserable, because I enjoy it, and would miss it. That’s ten years gone.

I have decided not to quit, so that makes me happy and content. My ten years are back.

Smoking is possibly going to knock five years off that, but I’m still five years in profit.

Apparently [and I quote] “In terms of living longer and healthier, positive feelings are more important than body mass, smoking and exercise”

So I’m going to light up my pipe now and relax in my armchair.

In doing so, I am adding five years to my lifespan.

Q.E.D.

-aAa-

Learn more about Smoking and how it affects your Health by visiting a Medical Website. While online medical sites can be a great source of Health Information, they are not meant for self-diagnosis and there is still no substitute for a visit to your doctor.

The lights are on but there is nobody in..

August 26th, 2007

I have been accused of making nasty comments about Americans.

I have taken a swipe at the Rose of Tralee contest.

Let’s combine them both…….

Thanks to Robert Sweetnam for finding that one.

Nothing to read here, Folks

August 26th, 2007

I have nothing to write about today.

I was too busy yesterday for anything interesting to happen.

K8, TAT, Puppychild and Sean turned up for the day as they fancied a trip to the wilds.

It was a normal sort of family visit. TAT took to the back room where he spent the day playing with his computer [not his laptop - he brought his whole damn computer, complete with surround sound, joysticks and the works].

K8 drank the entire remainder of our wine stocks and then stole my car. She went off on the rampage and came back very pleased that she had run two other cars off the road.

Herself and myself tried some new tobacco that TAT had brought as a present. He’s a very thoughtful lad.

Puppychild ran around the place stark naked and did a huge dump in the middle of the lawn. This was too great a challenge so I ran out with my 5-iron and managed to splatter it right across the windscreen of a passing SUV.

All in all, it was just a normal day. Nothing much happened.

They are to come back again today. They would have stayed overnight, but if TAT misses his medication they might lock him up again.

So probably, I’ll have nothing to write about tomorrow, either.

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