The Golden S.H.I.T. Awards
Grandad September 4th, 2007
Apparently the Golden Spider Awards are upon us once more.
As a fully fledged member of the web design industry [and founder of Silver Haired Internet Technology] I am now qualified to comment on these matters.
First of all, I have to admire the new Golden Spiders Website. It is perfect for boiling an egg.
To do this, all you have to do is connect to the Internet, using your dial-up connection. Place your egg in the boiling water. By the time the site is loaded, your egg will be nicely cooked. Apparently it takes about 3 minutes and 20 seconds. Perfect!
Now, the Golden Spider Awards have long been criticised for being elitist and nepotistic. You actually have to pay to enter, and you have little chance of winning unless you are one of the Big Boys. Their standards are, at the very best, highly suspect, and their judging criteria are more closely guarded than the rites of the Freemasons.
I propose a more open system.
I propose the Golden S.H.I.T. Awards.
Yes. Silver Haired Internet Technology is prepared [at great personal trouble and expense] to organise the new awards system.
I have yet to work out the exact criteria for these awards, but I think there will be global interest. Judging will be strict and the award winners will be truly outstanding in their field.
And who wouldn’t want to proudly display the award logo on their site? -
- Internet
- Comments(31)
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I think you should nominate yourself for ‘Best Blogging Site’ - that’s free to enter…
Awww! Thank you Lena. I’m too shy and modest.
Anyway what would I put in as the Reason?
“This site is renowned for fostering good relations with our American cousins”
?
Is it Pure Gold or just S.H.I.T. Gold?
I’m choosey!
24 carrots
Far too soft for me!
What percentage of silver hair is required for admission? Do roots count, if they are very obvious?
How about “The best use of American made Custom Arms and Ammunintion” in tourist culling season?
Are those awards just for Ireland, Europe, the world, or what? Anyway, I second the motion: you should nominate Head Rambles as Best Blogging Site. After all, you actually accept comments from an admitted American toiurist, me!
Seniorwriter, of “Never too Late!”
Yes, I really do know how to spell “tourist.”
Cathy [welcome, by the way!] - Silver hair is not a prerequisite for entry. That is merely the name of my company. I haven’t worked out the details yet as to entry requirements, judging criteria, how much I make out of it etc., yet.
Marlys - I think they should be open to everyone? I haven’t worked it out yet. I’ll have my nap first.
Anyway I’m not talking to you. And you are excluded. You went and added Grannymar to your site and left me out!!
Excellent idea Grandad? Can I be in the ‘Best Berties 3rd Nipple Site’ Category?
I promise better commenting in a while Grandad. Most of my office is on holiday/out sick/lost interest/couldn’t be bothered so it’s a bit manic here.
‘Excellent idea Grandad?’ ??? I wasn’t asking a question I was making a statement. Grrrr. I need a break.
Thanks B3n. No. I don’t think you could have your own category. But there again? If everyone had their own category, everyone would be winners!!
Imagine failing to win in your own category though…..
“Most of my office is on holiday/out sick/lost interest/couldn’t be bothered so it’s a bit manic here.”
A normal working day, so?
Yeah, and it’s coming to end of contract so the ship has been rightly deserted.
the egg isn’t hard enough after 3 minutes and 20 seconds
leave it in there for at least 7
[...] would rather display a Golden S.H.I.T.Award [...]
Dankoozy - I take it you like yours hard? I mean, really really hard?
Can I get one as Ron did my site?
Grandad,
This has nothing to do with your posting (or does it?)…but I read this cartoon and thought of you.
http://wondermark.blogspot.com/2007/09/333-in-which-everyone-had-better-shape.html
Call me arty farty but the term Web ‘Design’ is misused. It’s thrown about as if good design is being able to put in a shopping cart - once you get over all the flash - when it should also look and feel good. I clicked on some of the winners and I’ve never seen a more boring collection. They might have functionality (didn’t go that far) but they look like a dog’s breakfast as if they were designed by someone who was colour challenged. Gimme something easy to navigate that looks pretty and I’m a happy camper. Having said that I’d be proud to be the recipient of a S.H.I.T. award! Actually, I’d be proud to be the recipient of any award (I am an underachiever).
Grandad: At first I didn’t understand your charge that I had added Grannymar to my site and not you, since I had not added anybody on “Never too Late!” Then it occurred to me that you were talking about Ronni Bennett’s site, “Time Goes By,” not mine. I don’t mind being confused with Ronni; she’s been at this longer than I have, and has a great blog! Still, I hope you don’t really think all of us female American bloggers are the same person. There are actually quite a lot of us.
Seniorwriter, of “Never too Late!”
My apologies, Marlys. You are right, of course. I was confused. I still am confused and probably always will be, but I did mix up the sites.
And of course I know there is more than one female blogger in America. There are four. Right? I mean, there’s Diane who is doing her best to insult me above [I think? I'm thick skinned either way] for a start.
Anyway, I’m still not talking to you because every time you comment, you put in your web address as http://www.http.com//www.seniorwriter.blogspot.com, and I have to keep editing it
Flirty - Do you really want one of those badges? Of course I can claim credit for your site now that Ron isn’t around
And just to prove it, I’ve just moved your Statcounter button to where it belongs, because it was annoying me [the way it was floating about]……
If you want a badge, you’ll have to compete for it like everyone else. But I still haven’t made out the rules….
Baino - You should be on the judging panel of the GS awards. The last lot of winners were nothing outstanding at all. They all failed to conform to coding rules.
It’s like the short list for the Booker Prize consisting of a load of bland books full of grammatical and spelling errors.
Don’t get me started!!!!
Don’t be slacking, Grandad. On with it then!
Where’s the rules?
Oh, you forgot buttered eggs! They never harden.
Is the address right this time?
Sorry, Marlys - I’m afraid not - http://http//www.seniorwriter.blogspot.com
It should just be
http://www.seniorwriter.blogspot.com
Me, me, me, me, Grandad, I probably do have a shitty site. But I linked you and Grannymar at the same time. Plus K8 too. (It makes it easier for me to get to you.)
Hoof - You’re trying to get to me? Now I’m worried.
You might get an award for “Person Most Keen to get an Award” but we will all have to wait and see……..
P.S. You shite isn’t sitty. Sorry - Your site isn’t shitty.
[...] much as I would like to blame Grandad for giving me the idea I suppose I [...]