Today is MY day
Grandad September 23rd, 2007
Today is officially Grandad’s Day
They’ve called it National Grandparents Day, but I know they mean me.
It took a bit of persuading to get Bertie to call it. It involved a few Yen, Roubles and Dollars, a briefcase and Celia Larkin, but he got the €20 in the end. That bloke will do anything for money.
I’ve been told that if I go into St Stephen’s Green and run around like a tool, I’ll get a certificate signed by the Lord Mayor of Dublin. Be still, my beating heart! He can f*ck off. I have enough certificates, signed by better psychiatrists people than the Lord Mayor. I’ll send Puppychild in on the bus and she can run around for me.
The great thing about today is that the daughter has to pay homage yet again. We can screw her between birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and now Grandparent’s Day. There is no such thing as Daughter’s Day, so it’s all one way traffic. About bloody time. We suffered enough when she was growing up.
And that goes for the rest of you too. You have to pay homage to me and Herself. We will accept the usual financial donations in lieu of gifts.
Please don’t insult us with anything less than €100.
You have to do it.
It’s the law.
- The Family
- Comments(15)
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Typo, Grandad! Should it not have read Be still, my beating pacemaker!.
No, Sneezy. They took that out when the remote control interfered with it. I told the doctors I had a heart attack whenever Herself switched over to Pat “The Plank”. There again, it may not have been the pacemaker……
Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up!
Enjoy your day!
Grandad,
First, your Hundred Bucks is in the mail!
Now, here are the four stages of aging:
You believe in Santa Claus
You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
You are Santa Claus
You LOOK like Santa Claus………
Thanks, Grannymar. K8 is visiting later, with the sprogs. I intend to milk it for all it’s worth.
Nancy - I’ve been through all of those stages. What comes next?
Grandad,
You really want to know what comes next? Well, you asked for it.
At age 4 success is: Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is: Having friends.
At age 17 success is: Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is: Having money.
At age 50 success is: Having money.
At age 70 success is: Having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is: Having friends.
At age 80 success is: Not peeing in your pants.
Got It? Lots of luck!
I’M SUCCESSFUL!!!!!
I’m not as lucky as you are, Grandad, so send my Hundred Bucks back. I’ll need it to pay for my Depends.
Sorry, Nancy but under the law, I have to keep it. Thanks anyway.
Is that a fact, because I was in Stephen’s Green all day and I didn’t see a larger proportion of old people than normal.
Hi Daz, I am getting worried! Did they all look like they were your age? You know what that is a sign of!!!
Ah, so I really do have SuperAIDS.
Ah well, I had a good run.
Daz - If they looked like you, then it’s probably all that loose living in UCD. Did you get a certificate?
Grandad,
You are a mere youth. I knew a lady who got a new greenhouse for her 92nd birthday and commented that she didn’t know how she would cope when she got old.
I am short of Euro but am sending one hundred Zimbabwean dollars and some spare Italian lira.
Ian - Thanks for the Dollars/Lira. Could you sent them to Celia Larkin? She deals with my finances now. I’ll invest them over 30 years for my old age.