Head Rambles

Grandad September 24th, 2007

I was browsing through my statistics last night.

Yes. I can be a nerd at times.

I found a visitor to this site who had come from the Net Visionary Awards site. So, purely out of curiosity, I followed the link back.

The short-list is posted for the awards. Top of the list is the Blog Category. There are six nominees and bugger me, but there I am!

I haven’t the faintest idea how I got there. Honestly. I didn’t enter myself, and I don’t know who did. You see, my competitors all seem to be business blogs, or blogs with a technical bent [and God knows, my bent isn't very technical!].

Here is the list:

• Dave Northey ~ Microsoft
• denise cox ~ Newsweaver.ie
• Grandad ~ Head Rambles
• Keith Bohanna ~ Keith Bohanna Consulting
• Krishna De ~ One Ocean Group
• Robert Burke ~ RobBurke.net

See what I mean? I stick out like a sore thumb! And I’m up against Microsoft!

So here is your chance to vote for the small man [I'm not small, but you know what I mean]. Here is a chance to vote for justice, truth, honesty, anarchy and the voice of the man in the street.

Here is a chance to vote against Bush Tourists Harney Pat Kenny other people.

So get your ass over to the Net Visionary Awards and cast your vote. NOW!

I’m not telling you who to vote for [*cough*], but pass the word on. Get everyone voting.

I think I’ll chuck in a couple of votes for Michele Neylon too. He’s there under Internet Entrepeneur and Online Trader [greedy bastard]. And of course, Damien Mulley has to get a tick, for the Technology Journalist award.

I haven’t decided about the others yet, though my mind could be decided in the usual Fianna Fáil method [used notes only, please].

I wonder why S.H.I.T. isn’t there for Web Designer Excellence?

• Internet
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Grandad September 24th, 2007

It was a lovely day on Saturday.

I decided to wander down to the village for a coffee and to get some petrol for the mower.

It was beautiful outside the coffee shop. Sandy lay at my feet and went to sleep in the sun. I got chatting to a couple of local blokes who are dog lovers. There were another couple of Tourists at the other table. They were both men and were holding hands. I decided to leave them alone because it was a nice day, and I don’t want to be accused of homophobia.

Now one of the Tourists stood up and tripped over Sandy. She didn’t mind. But he then turned around and kicked her in the ribs. Sandy minded that. Quick as lightning, she jumped to her feed and took his leg off, clean below the knee. She has very powerful jaws.

Tourist fell to the ground [he hadn't much option] and my two pals started lacing into him as we hate cruelty to animals. Tourist’s Boyfriend started having hysterics, and he started throwing things at me.

He threw a plate. It missed. It bounced off the windscreen of an SUV that was driving past. The driver was a Yummy Mummy who was yacking on her mobile phone at the time so whatever concentration she had left was gone, and she drove into the back of a tourist bus, and exploded in a ball of flame. Well, I’m not sure if it was herself or the SUV that exploded, but it was quite spectacular.

People started running around throwing jugs of water and milk on the SUV. I had my ten litres of petrol that I’d bought for the lawnmower, and someone grabbed it and threw that on the conflagration. That didn’t help.

In the meantime, Tourist’s Boyfriend was really beginning to annoy me, screeching at me and throwing bread rolls at me, so I kicked him in the nuts. That shut him up. The other bloke was pumping blood on the ground and managed to mutter something about suing me. I couldn’t resist it. I told him he hadn’t a leg to stand on.

We went home then. There was no point in staying because the peace and tranquillity of the moment was gone.

I let Sandy keep the leg as a souvenir.

Bloody tourists.

• Around the village , Tourists
• Comments(24)

Grandad September 23rd, 2007

Today is officially Grandad’s Day

They’ve called it National Grandparents Day, but I know they mean me.

It took a bit of persuading to get Bertie to call it. It involved a few Yen, Roubles and Dollars, a briefcase and Celia Larkin, but he got the €20 in the end. That bloke will do anything for money.

I’ve been told that if I go into St Stephen’s Green and run around like a tool, I’ll get a certificate signed by the Lord Mayor of Dublin. Be still, my beating heart! He can f*ck off. I have enough certificates, signed by better psychiatrists people than the Lord Mayor. I’ll send Puppychild in on the bus and she can run around for me.

The great thing about today is that the daughter has to pay homage yet again. We can screw her between birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and now Grandparent’s Day. There is no such thing as Daughter’s Day, so it’s all one way traffic. About bloody time. We suffered enough when she was growing up.

And that goes for the rest of you too. You have to pay homage to me and Herself. We will accept the usual financial donations in lieu of gifts.

Please don’t insult us with anything less than €100.

You have to do it.

It’s the law.

• The Family
• Comments(15)

Grandad September 22nd, 2007

Do you ever wonder who reads your blog?

I know the blogs I read, of course. I have a list on my Blogroll, and a much bigger list in my reader. I’d list the latter now, but it would be too long [and would be a nightmare to type out].

Probably the vast number of these blogs don’t even know I’m reading them as I am notorious for not commenting. It’s usually just because I can’t think of anything appropriate to say. So I read them on a daily basis, yet they don’t know it.

Every now and then, I come across a new blog through following a comment or a link on another site, and there I see it – Head Rambles in the Blogroll!! It’s a very strange feeling. It’s discovering a friend you never knew you had. It’s better than any award.

I’d love to know who is reading my blog. I know the regulars, of course because you comment a lot. And if you’re a regular [that I know of], then your either in my Blogroll, or you are in my reader. I have around eighty blogs in my reader at the moment, and that is growing, to the extent that it takes me quite a while to read through them all. But yet FeedBurner tells me I have well over a hundred feeds going out, and that doesn’t count the ones who take a direct feed.

All I can say about my readers is what Google Analytics tells me. I know that Irish and Americans make up the majority and they are in equal numbers over the last month [well - a 1% difference]. The UK comes third. I seem to have a few readers in China and France, but they are outnumbered by readers in India!

So there are a lot of friends out there, and I don’t even know I have them. I feel bad about that. I feel disloyal to them, even though I don’t know who they are.

So if you read this, and you have never commented before, then welcome Stranger. If you have me on your Blogroll and I don’t know it then I am humbled.

Drop in a comment sometime and say hello.

• Internet , Rambles
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Grandad September 21st, 2007

Many years ago, a young couple met in Pennsylvania.

They were hiking along the road to DuBois.

About ten miles from the town they decided to take a side road.

After about three miles they realised that they fancied each other. A lot.

A couple of miles further on they could take it no more and abandoned themselves to a frenzy of rampant sex at the side of the road.

A couple of miles beyond that their mobiles started ringing like mad.

They had picked a spot under a webcam that had broadcast their animal passions to millions. And he had accidentally pressed the speed-dial button to his wife in the heat of the moment. And they had taken no precautions. And her jealous 25 stone husband was due out of prison in a few weeks after serving five years for assault and battery.

You don’t believe me?

Thanks Brianf

• America
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