The Black Knight and the Monster - Part Deux
Grandad October 3rd, 2007
All right, children?
You have had your nap, so I will continue my story……..
The villagers had a merry time that night, and they feasted, and drank and sang their merry song.
The next morning they did feel a little weary and somewhat hungover.
Suddenly a cry went up - “The Monster is coming! The Monster is coming!”.
Immediately Michele, the Black Knight rode forth. He was feeling strong now for the people of the whole world had heard the story, and were behind him.
“What to you want now?” cried the Black Knight.
The Monster [who was now calling himself James Mailley - he does that to confuse people] bowed before the Black Knight.
“Oh Michele!” he cried. “I have done wrong in throwing tins of spam at your people. I realise that now. Anyway, it wasn’t me. It was someone else who said he was me. I am sorry!” He burst into tears.
The Black Knight was a good man at heart, and not at all lower class. He felt sorry for the Monster.
“That is all right” He cried. “But don’t f*cking do it again!”
The Monster promised to be good, and the people cheered. They went back to their drinking and merry making, and had a large feast of baked Spam.
The Monster crawled back to his cave. He was not happy. He cheered himself up with a meal of roast John Burns and followed it up with a Pedro Luciani flambée
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Except John Burns.
And Pedro Luciani.
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The Monster says Sorry…
And after all of that, they apologised.It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, and Monster shouldn’t have let it grow to the point that it got to.But they’ve apologised, and all is forgiven. I don’t think anyone will be……
That story sucked. Mine are far better, and I earn much more than you.
Hi
DazDan. At least mine are based on fact. They’re going to make a better film of it too.But there’s no blood and gore!
My children are very disappointed. Not a single head chopped off
Sorry Disgusting. I can only tell the story as it is.
Anyway, this story is for grown-ups. If I’d known there were children reading it, the hills would have run with blood, guts and gore…..
Well I get more fan mail from random strangers than you do … commenters? Pah! I’m the Tom Jones of the book world.
And to top it all off, I have better hair …
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8b/Dan_Brown_bookjacket_cropped.jpg/428px
Hi again Dan.
You seem to be suffering from a “404 Hair not found” error?
Anyway, you’re old news now.
And I always hated Tom Jones…
No, wait! I have plenty more bull … factually accurate books to come!
I think I found my nomination for best blog post for the next blog awards
This is too funny! Why can’t ever an uppidy toppidy boss of a wrong-doer just come clean and say something along the lines of “Ookay, this is what we do/did and I hear you didn’t like it, well, so get over it”, or ” this is what we do/did and I hear you didn’t like it, my sincere apologies. Although we will not change our spam-strategy we will make sure to take you off our mailing list.” Just own up to it instead of making excuses… Geezus.
Grandad,
Pondering the monstrous fable with my first mug of tea at 6.30 this morning, I wondered if the tins of spam are a sign of a serious turn in the economy. If employees of big firms are driven to venturing out and terrifying the villagers, is there a chill wind blowing through our corporate corridors? Are we all facing a McWilliamsite economic landscape where even monsters won’t venture?
I suppose it all depends on the attitude of the monster. If he throws the tins around he is going to get a bad reaction. If he quietly places the tins in a pile and says ‘help yourself’ then things might be better.
Dammit! Why do people always look for hidden meanings in a simple story!
.. and to top it up you got the end of the story right.
Keep up the good work “my old friend.”
I always like to finish. It’s the gentleman in me.
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