Archive for October, 2007

Daniel O'Donnell has his uses

October 27th, 2007

Me: Why do you do that?

Laptop: Why do I do what?

Me: Every now and then you spin your hard disk and then flip open the CD drive.

Laptop: Because I can.

Me: Stop it. It’s annoying me.

Laptop: Oh, shut up and stop whining. Go back to your pathetic blogging.

Me: If you do it once more, I shall get really annoyed.

Laptop: Tough shit.

……….

*click*

……….

Laptop: Aaaahhhh! Get that fucking Daniel O’Donnell disk out of there!

Me: Do you promise to behave?

Laptop: Yes! Yes! Anything!! Just take it away.

……….

Laptop: Bastard!

*heh*

I didn't shoot Kennedy

October 26th, 2007

There is an old cliché that says that everybody remembers where they were when Kennedy was shot.

That is a load of b*ll*x.

I don’t.

I was young, footloose and fancy-free. I could have been anywhere. I could have been doing my homework, though that is very unlikely as I never did my homework. I could have been shagging Pauline from up the road [though now that I think about it, that was all in my mind at the time]. I could have been reading my brothers collection of p0rn that he thought I didn’t know about [that's quite likely].

Quite frankly, at that age I didn’t give a toss about America or American presidents. That was in the time before television rammed America down our throats, so the U. S. of A. was just somewhere people went when they couldn’t get a job. I know there was a bit of a faff when he came to visit Wexford earlier in the year, but that was the extent of my lack of interest.

I remember the Cuban Missile Crisis all right, because we were all asked to pray for peace, and the world held its breath. I didn’t, personally, because I had more important things on my mind. Like sex. Testosterone was surging through my veins, and my number one priority was the fairer gender. World peace came way down the list.

I know I was in Ireland. But that’s not memory. That’s logic. I can even narrow it down to the eastern half of the country.

I know where I wasn’t.

I wasn’t in Dallas.

So it wasn’t me.

Net Visionary Awards

October 25th, 2007

I just received an e-mail.

Apparently I have been shortlisted for the Net Visionary Awards under the Best Blogger category.

Wow!

I am deeply honoured.

So it’s

Denise Cox – Newsweaver.ie

Krishna De – Oneocean Ltd

and Liddle Old Me.

Thank you all so much for voting. Even those of you who didn’t vote.

All I have to do now is find a black tie. They didn’t say what colour t-shirt or jeans.

And we’ll have to do without take away curries for the next two years, so I can attend the function.

It’s worth it…

Brainwashing a generation

October 25th, 2007

I am now being forced to watch Children’s Television.

I was addled this morning anyway, but now I’m in a state of complete brain death.

I am being force fed Sponge Bob. He is bad enough with his American accent and slang being pumped into the next generation, but it’s the advertisements that are really bringing me to the melting point of tungsten.

They are obviously winding up for the Big Spend Fest in a couple of month’s time [I refuse to use the 'C' word until December]. The stuff they are advertising is the greatest load of sh*te I have ever seen. And the f*cking prices!!!!

I haven’t seen one item yet that requires a concentration span of a goldfish. They are all tacky dolls that talk [providing you with a 'friend for life'] or dogs that talk and grow, or Barbies that [wait for it....] plug into your own MP3.  Every second advertisement seems to be a Barbie this, or a Barbie that, or a Barbie DVD.

To try to make the toys look exciting, the advertisements are full of noxious little brats, all saying “WOW!” in a hushed tone of voice. And the voice-overs are worse.

Will someone please tell me in which dictionary I will find the word ‘awesomest’?

I am now going sedate myself with whatever toxic substance I can find under the kitchen sink.

……….

Puppychild just raised an eye at me..

“Are you all right, Gwandant?”

No, I’m not, my little precious.

No, I’m not.

Today is one of those days

October 25th, 2007

I’m a bit addled in the head today.

I’m looking after Puppychild for the day, because K8, TAT and LaughingBoy have urgent matters to attend to.

Puppychild is the most adorable child. She is very funny and at that age where she can amuse herself. She has already come up with a couple of comments that have made me wet myself.

The only problem at the moment is that she has a book. She loves that book. It’s a book of fairy tales with nice pictures. There is a little button in the corner of it, and when you press the button it plays a little tune.

And the problem is that she insists that it is ‘bwoken’. It’s not.

But she keeps pressing the button and saying “it’s bwoken”, so that damned tune is playing non-stop.

It’s doing my f*cking head in.

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