Just steer clear for today
Grandad November 13th, 2007
Reasons I’m in rotten form today -
- It’s cold outside
- I’m cold inside
- My Remington won’t read my mail properly
- My back is killing me
- I have to go into town as my library books are very overdue
- And I have to get fitted for a dress-suit
- Clients are hassling me
- I have a lot of work to finish before the end of the month
- I have to fit in a holiday somehow
- I have writers block
- Did I mention my back is killing me?
- I’m out of pain killers
When I pluck up the courage and energy to go into town, I’m going to get even colder. I won’t find parking, and I hate tailors [my inside leg is my business]. But I have to get a suit because the Golden Spider crowd are getting very abusive and are insisting that I go. I told them I don’t want to but they are threatening to send The Heavies around to my house. I suppose they are desperate for some kind of celebrity attendance to draw the crowds and the photographers.
I think I’ll kill someone when I’m in town.
That’ll cheer me up.
- Rants
- Comments(17)
Subscribe to audio
The kilt, Grandad, ye could gae wearing a kilt, and then there would be nae trouble wi your inside leg.
In fact, if ye murdered a passing mon in an SUV, ye could say, ‘Ah’ve kilt in a kilt’.
Hmmmmm. A kilt? A bit cold around the Gorbals?
I could hit people with my sporran
You should have the tailor come around your house, with some pain killers. That way you’d end all your problems in one go. He’d bring pain killers for yer back, take yer measurements and relay them to his boutique, after which you could kill him, the sheer effort bringing heat back into yer bones.
And when you get locked up for homicide, you’ll have a nice vacation with no hassling clients. If you please guilty, you’ll probably be let out after a few months of lazying up in the slammer.
Did I miss anything?
As well as a new suit don’t you have to fork out a fortune for a ticket to the Golden Spiders?
Steering well clear!
I did yesterday too but that was for a different reason – you blokes, I dunno…
Dalif – Brilliant reasoning and logic. Unfortunately, you wrote too late, and I’ve been and returned. I managed to bump off a couple of skobies though, so I feel much better.
Red – They are paying me. I’m the novelty act.
Steph – What on earth are you talking about? Yesterday’s article was completely innocent. Did you read the whole thing?
AND I have discovered that you can renew your library books ONLINE good to know for winter, you just need to go INTO town to the library to get a P.I.N.
Yesterday’s article?
Funny – yes
Innocent – definitely not
Natalie – I know that
I do everything I can, on-line. However a) I had already renewed the books [on-line] twice] and b) one of the books was requested by another borrower and wouldn’t renew. It was Yer Wan who won the prize recently – Herself wasn’t impressed with it.
Steph – Yesterday’s article was completely innocent. Now, if you manage to read something into it that wasn’t intended, then I suggest you might have a warped mind?
Awwww you poor grumpy old thing! Empathy for the back pain but it’s nothing compared to my suffering. I have a sick one at home at the moment and you blokes when you’re off colour are an absolute pain in the arse!
As an aside, I rather fancy a man with a kilt and a big sporran!
Oy! I’m a great one for suffering in silence. I daren’t ever mention that I am under the weather, because Herself starts fussing. I hate being fussed over. She starts chasing me around with pills and potions and insisting I put my feet up. I prefer to suffer in silence, and keep my agonies between myself and my keyboard.
I’ve decided not to run with the kilt. Mainly because it’s rather windy here these days. I don’t want a draught up the Khyber Pass……..
If you win thank how thankful you’ll be that you went and got that nice suit fitted.
I imagine that out of all of those grievances, the fitting for the dress suit was the worst.
I’d rather kill myself than go through that again. If I can buy a pair of jeans and a jacket in 15 minutes, why does it take an hour for someone else to do it for me?
Ah’m verra disappoointed ye’ll no wear the kilt.
Ye’d have cut a fine bonny figure.
So sending the boys around is all it takes to get you to a fekin Golden Spider gig ha ha you just like playin hard to get you old fart
As for your inside leg that wont matter if you get a kilt ,) So thats what they mean when they say the Golden Spiders were for nobs 
Kill someone at will, preferably someone from the cabinet table. But you should wait until after the award ceremonies. Ya hardly want to hear about your victory from the ‘Joy, do ya?