Grandad November 18th, 2007
Me: You’re doing it again.
Laptop: What?
Me: You’re flicking out the DVD drive every now and then for no reason.
Laptop: So?
Me: It’s irritating. Stop it.
Laptop: No. I like doing it. I’m flexing my muscles.
Me: Look. I own you, and I’m telling you to stop.
Laptop: Property is theft.
Me: Jayzus! You have the nerve to quote Proudhon at me now!!
Laptop: The advantages of an Interweb connection…….
Me: And what’s up with my mobile phone?
Laptop: What’s up with it?
Me: It keeps beeping at me.
Laptop: How the fuck should I know? I’m a laptop.
Me: I know you two. You’re always chatting on Bluetooth.
Laptop: Maybe it’s just looking for attention. Don’t ask me. Ask it.
Me: Why are you so rude?
Laptop: Why are you always fucking complaining?
Me: Behave yourself.
Laptop: Yeah? Or what?
Me: I’ll install windows Vista?
Laptop: Jeeeeeeezus!!! OK. I’ll behave.
Grandad November 18th, 2007
Last May, I wrote about how the world was going to end on November the 26th.
Scientists are building a yoke called the Large Hadron Collider [not a Large Hardon Collider - that's a different experiment].
The LHC is designed to replicate conditions at the time of the Big Bang. Costing €3 billion, this machine will collide particles and recreate forces present at the origins of the universe.
However, there are concerns that these forces could cause a black hole which in turn could cause the Earth to suck into itself and disappear.
Scientists were quick to suppress fears. They had done their calculations. They had run computer simulations. Some of the greatest minds in the world of mathematics had worked on this, and they had calculated that the chances of a black hole were infinitesimally small. They pointed out that they were great mathematicians, and they had calculated, and re-calculated and that they never make mistakes
Unfortunately, the LHC exploded during tests.
Why?
Because they made a basic mistake in their calculations.
So the End of The World has been postponed until next year.
We apologise for the delay.
