Archive for December, 2007

What my friends think of me

Grandad December 27th, 2007

I was given a nasty little tag by Brianf yesterday.

I am supposed to e-mail my friends and they are to write back and tell me what they think of me.

That could be very dangerous, even supposing they bothered to write back.

I decided to try it though. So I wrote out a quick mail ..

Dear [fill in as appropriate]

I have been asked to ask you what you think of me.

Please be honest.

Yours faithfully

Grandad

The replies I got back

-oOo-

Dear Grandad,

A fine upstanding specimen of your species. One of my better efforts.

Eternally yours

God

-oOo-

Dear Grandad,

I don’t know how yourself and Osama do it, but we’ll find you yet.

George W Bush
President of the Free World

-oOo-

Dear Grandad

Fuck you.

Mary Harney

-oOo-

Dear Grandad,

Are you one of dem peeple who gave me a dig out? If yiz are, de check is in de post. Say nuttin at de tribyounal.

Your friend [and don't deny it]

Bertie Ahern

-oOo-

Dear Grandad

You’re a cunt

Twenty Major

-oOo-

Dear Grandad

You were fantastic. I have never seen such a big one.

Glenda Gilson
XXXXX

-oOo-

So there you have it. Some people didn’t reply, like Idi Amin and Sharon Ní Bheoláin, but they are probably busy.

I won’t be so nasty as to pass it on. I’m nice like that.

Normality?

Grandad December 26th, 2007

So the fuss is over and things begin to return to normality.

I’m not quite sure why I’m blogging today because no one is going to be on the Interweb anyway.  Today is the day that Irishmen traditionally go and stand on concrete terraces and watch something sporty, like horse racing or rugby.  I don’t know why they do this because it is bloody cold out and there is a cutting wind.  It must be a religious thing that nobody has told me about.

I see out Sandy has cracked my password again.  *sigh*  It always baffles me that she can’t type properly yet always manages to type in my password.  Anyway - sorry about that. 

I also see I have been tagged yet again by Brianf.  May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, Brianf.  It’s a strange tag so I will have to give it some thought.  If I’m really stuck, I might even do it.

It was a very nice Christmas.  There was very little blood spilled.  Herself and I are still together.  The house is still standing.

The only strange thing to happen was that one of TAT’s biker friends turned up for the day.  I don’t know where he came from, but in the middle of the day, I realised there was someone extra in the room.  He was hard to miss actually, because his mobile phone never stopped ringing.

Normally when TAT’a phone or his friends phones start ringing, it’s a probation officer checking up on them, or a solicitor wanting to know why the f*ck they aren’t in court.  But the friend’s phone never shut up.  Apparently a friend of his had put an advertisement in the Buy and Sell magazine saying he had a plasma wide screen television he wanted to give away for nothing. 

Now, why anyone would want to give away a plasma wide screen television, I don’t know, and it was obviously a hoax.  But there were dozens of people out there who fell for it.

He got his revenge though.

He put an ad in the same paper - "Gay man wanted, to share flat with two others.  Must be broad minded, and ready for fun.  €100 per month" and gave his friend’s mobile number.

Charitmss Gregetins

Grandad December 25th, 2007

Happy Chrsmtais Eryveone.

Snady here. Gadrand is in no fit satte to psot anyhitng, so he aeskd me to do it.

He says he hpoes you are all hinavg a nice pafeecul day.

He had a bit too much to dinrk lsat night and is felieng vrey srory for hmselif this mnirnog.

It sveres him rgiht.

I hpoe you all got ncie bones from Satna, and can I be your frnied, Moo Dog?

Snady

snady
Me and my friend Bruno

Checklist for the Big Day

Grandad December 24th, 2007

Tobacco - Plenty

Drink - Yup

Decorations - Nearly done

Anti-Santa Missile Batteries - Armed and ready

Anti-Carol Singers Landmines - Laid and primed

Medical Supplies - Plenty

Food - …..  Bugger

I always forget something.

Christmas has come early

Grandad December 23rd, 2007

I know some of you have been celebrating Christmas since last July.

It has apparently been the sole topic of conversation in some quarters.

Here at Head Rambles Manor, we try to do things traditionally, but through force of circumstance, we have to start Christmas early this year.

Tomorrow, we are expecting K8 and TAT, along with Laughing Boy and Puppychild to come and stay.  They’ll probably change their minds and not turn up, but that’s life.

So I am starting Christmas today.

Later, once I have plucked up the courage, I will venture forth into the estate, and will proceed to freeze my nuts off while cutting copious amounts of holly and ivy.

If I survive that, I have to fight with the strings of lights, and find which of the many sets actually work, and try to find where the hell I put the spare bulbs from last year.

If I survive that, I’ll decorate the place.

We have a strange house that doesn’t lend itself to large Christmas trees, so we have a very small one, just for the sake of tradition. I decorate the room with lights instead.

If I survive that, I might have a drop or five of the hard stuff.  I’ll need it.

Most of you are sensible, and confine your blog reading to office hours.  Let the company pay, I say.  I can tell that from the visitors to the site.  You usually start surfing around ten in the morning.  It’s good of you to put in an hours legitimate work.

The really sensible ones will be reporting for work tomorrow.  There is no point in wasting a days leave when you know the day is going to consist of drinks in various offices before everyone f*cks off early.

So I don’t expect many readers after that.

So, I wish you all a Peaceful and Happy Christmas, and to my American friends, lest you be insulted, I wish you a Peaceful and Happy Holiday.

Saturdays

Grandad December 22nd, 2007

What the hell is it about Saturdays?

When you are retired, days have less meaning because the week isn’t defined by work days and rest days.  I like that.  I don’t dread Mondays any more.

I like to have a routine, so I set my alarm for nine on a weekday, just so that the weekend can be different.  But I usually wake before the alarm goes off anyway.

But still Saturdays are different.

I seem to be brain-dead on that day. I have nothing to say.  All the fizz is gone out of the brain.  I just want to sleep.

And it is always the day that they want me to record the Kilos of Craic Podcast.  And Baino, Brianf, Dr. Don and JD don’t seem to suffer the same shut-down of the gray cells, so once again, I’ll just let them waffle away. 

And after the podcast is done, then I’ll probably just doze off.

I can’t even think of anything to write now.

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