Archive for January, 2008

Facebook is a pain in the face

January 28th, 2008

facebook I have made some mistakes in my time.

One of the biggest was getting involved in so called Social Networking sites.  And the worst of these is Facebook.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.  I could join, and then see what my virtual friends are up to.  But it didn’t work out that way.

I am being inundated with requests, and some of them are frankly weird.  I have requests for hugs, attacks and sexual personality tests.  I have been attacked by zombies and asked to predict my life.  I swear I even had a ‘make a baby’ request at some stage.

The problem is that each of these requests requires me to install another application.  And when I install it, I am supposed to inflict all my contacts with the same requests.  It’s like pyramid selling on steroids.  And some of the applications want my mobile phone number.  Why?  They’re not getting it.  They can fuck off.

I have reached the stage now where a mail from Facebook arrives in my Inbox telling me that someone wants to whisk me off to the Bahamas for an orgy, and I sigh and delete it.

I still drop in every couple of weeks to see if there is anything interesting going on.  There isn’t. Just the same old crowd partying like mad like they were on cocaine.

I would delete my account, but my personal information is up there to be gathered.  Of course it’s all wrong, so I’m hoping I’ll screw up their system.

So if anyone wants to have my babies, you’ll have to call around to my house, in person. We’ll do things the old fashioned way.

You won’t find me on Facebook.

Asteroid TU24 to impact and cause chaos tomorrow

January 27th, 2008

There is an asteroid heading our way.  NASA have known about it for some time.  It is going to arrive tomorrow.

2007tu24
Asteroid 2007 TU24.

The only question is where is it going to impact?

According to NASA, it is going to fly by close to us at a distance of 334,000 miles.

However, the conspiracy theorists claim that this is a cover-up by NASA, and that it is in fact going to hit South America at 0500 GMT.  NASA don’t want to cause panic amongst the Earth’s population, but world leaders are all heading for the bunkers.

I like conspiracy theories.  In fact, there are a couple of them I subscribe to myself.  So why should I doubt this one?

For a start, anyone who has ever been to the cinema or watched television knows damn well that any asteroid or meteor that hits earth, always hits either New York or California.

And the same source tells us that anything that is heading for earth will have Bruce Willis fired at it.

I can tell you for a fact that the asteroid is going to impact.

It is going to hit South America [or New York or California] in which case we needn’t worry about Global Warming any more.

or….

It is going to smack into the arse of the conspiracy theorists and they are going to have one hell of a headache on Monday afternoon.

So who is right?  NASA or the conspiracy theorists?

I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and find out.

Why do you blog?

January 26th, 2008

There has been a lot of talk on the web lately about bloggers and their standing within the world of publishing.

This has led to some excellent articles about the value of blogging versus the printed media.

One thing the debate did was to make me examine my place in all this.

Am I an anarchist scribbling on a toilet wall for all to see?  Am I shouting my talents at the world in the hope that some paper will spot me and hire me?  Am I taking a massive ego trip?

The answer is no.

Hundreds of years ago, when I was at school, my strong subjects were Mechanical Drawing, Geography and Geometry.  I was also quite good at physics.  [You may add that to the 8 things you didn't know about me.]  You notice that English doesn’t feature. I was always bad at languages, and had to give up on Latin and French, before they gave up on me.  So I never ever entertained the possibility of entering journalism or writing a book.

So why did I start blogging?

I didn’t have radical political views that I hoped would shake the world.  I do have very strong opinions on the Nanny State and over regulation, but I never aspired to changing public opinion.  So that wasn’t the reason.  I’m not a frustrated writer, so I wasn’t touting my talent for all to see, as I didn’t think I had any.  My ego was fine.  As long as the people who matter to me don’t think I’m a twat then I’m happy.

I honestly don’t know why I started.  My first posts were rants, and very few people read them.  I didn’t mind.  I didn’t expect any reaction, because I was only writing to myself.

And that is what I continue to do.  I am sitting here in my armchair.  The house is quiet.  Sandy is asleep on the window ledge opposite me.  I am quietly tapping on my keyboard for my own amusement.  It keeps the grey cells exercised.  It’s like doing a crossword, only not as frustrating.  I am of the generation where the concept of thousands, or even millions of people being able to read what I’m writing is alien.  Even as I type this, I find the concept strange – that hundreds of people I have never heard of are going to read it.  It is bemusing to say the least, so I put it out of my mind, and carry on writing just for myself.

I am utterly baffled as to how I have gotten myself into the situation I’m in.  I cannot understand how I am being listed amongst the Greats.  And I am not writing this because I want people to reply and tell me I’m a literary genius or the greatest wit since Oscar Wilde because I’m not.  Even now, I cannot understand how I have a book deal.

Maybe I found a niche that no one else was in?  I don’t think so.  There are others like me who write on similar topics.  Somehow, I was picked at random and stuck on the crest of a wave and at times, I feel quite uncomfortable here.

I can now hear K8 coming at me in that jeering tone – “Ahhh, you love it.  You’re always checking your stats.  You love the adulation“.  It’s true.  I do check my stats, and secretly I do feel good when a lot of people visit.  But I still don’t understand it.

I really write because I enjoy it.  I enjoy the challenge of coming up with something fresh to say.  I enjoy the mental exercise.

So, to the point of this post.  I am acknowledging that people will read this, and I’m asking you a simple question.

Why do you blog?

Is Grandad a mass murderer?

January 25th, 2008

I’m back.

My sincere apologies for my absence.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave the country.  It was all basically a mistake, involving the CIA, MI5, MI6, The ICA and the GAA.

Someone spread a rumour that I was Osama bin Laden.  I don’t know where they got that idea from.  I told them that I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t a Muslim [AllÄ?hu Akbar].  They accepted that quite happily, but then decided I was Harold Shipman.  It was around that time that I had to go on the run.

harold-shipman
Do I look like this?

It took a team of barristers and a chimpanzee to convince them that I couldn’t be Harold Shipman either, because he was dead.

It was a rough time.  I did manage to connect to the Interweb for a couple of short moments, but all I got was abuse from you lot, so I didn’t bother again.

Some of you might have been under the misapprehension that I had ceased blogging altogether.  I’m sorry about that, but I did have to leave in rather a hurry.  Some of you have suggested that it was all a ploy [I'm not sure what the objective would have been?].  Whatever the case, I’m back and hope to resume normal service, whatever that is.

The great news for me is that by way of apology, the CIA, MI5, MI6, The ICA and the GAA have all given me an unconditional pardon for something that they thought I did, but unconditionally pardoned me for everything that they didn’t know I did, but in fact, had done.  There is apparently no time limit on this pardon.  So I’m a free agent.

It’s good to be back.

Day three

January 25th, 2008

Congratulations.

You have now reached your third day without a post from Head Rambles.

You should be feeling very proud of yourself.

By now, you must have noticed that you are eating better, and enjoying your food more.  You will have more energy.

Some of the more advanced of you will even find you are beginning to do some actual work in the office.  I know you never thought that that day would come!

Tonight, you should celebrate your success.  After your twenty cigarettes, you bottle of whiskey and your heroin fix, you should treat yourself.  Have some crack cocaine and some E’s.

Because you’re worth it.

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