Head Rambles

Archive for February, 2008

America declares war on Ireland

Grandad February 20th, 2008

Earlier today, I initiated a bit of anti-spam policy.

I nuked Chicago.

As usual, the Americans overreacted and declared war.

And, as usual, they missed.

My apologies [on behalf of the American people] to the people of Bristol.

fire

America , spam
Comments(22)

Ground Zero Chicago

Grandad February 20th, 2008

This is a message to the people of Chicago.

I am very sorry, but you have to go.

I know Chicago quite well, because many years ago I used to play around with Flight Simulator. I used to take off from Meigs Field and buzz around your fine city before crashing somewhere. I’m sure you saw me, many times. But now you have closed that fine air-strip. Bastards.

But that isn’t the reason you have to go.

I hate spam. In the normal course of events, I ignore it and let it quietly burn in my various spam traps and spam filters.

Lately however, I have been inundated with crap from someone who calls themselves Sweetpea. My blog is inundated. My e-mail accounts are inundated. And frankly I’m pissed off.

sweetpea

Sweetpea is trying to pretend they are Canadian, but they’re not. I have the address of the Chicago Gangsters who are hosting their mail account -

FastServers, Inc.
175 W. Jackson Blvd
Suite 1770
Chicago
IL
60604
US

So this is the address I have programmed into the ICBM [with 2 Megaton warhead, DVD rewriter, 180Gb HDD with Windows Vista] that I bought on eBay last week. I shall be launching it shortly.

I know the place well. I have crashed into it many times. I shall miss it, and I shall miss Meigs Field.

chicago

We had some good times together.

Slainte

Grandad February 19th, 2008

So John ~~Gormley~~ Gormless, our dear Minister for the Environment and Limp Lettuce Leaf has spoken yet again.

Forget Al Gore. Forget the Kyoto Protocol. Gormless is single handedly saving the world from Global Warming all by himself.

He is taxing high emission vehicles. He is banning patio heaters. He is banning incandescent bulbs.

He is now asking us to stop drinking bottled water.

You see, bottled water comes in plastic bottles, and they are causing havoc. We use too many of them. We must drink tap water instead because it is just as good.

Let’s wind the clock back to last summer, John. Do you remember Galway? Do you remember how Galway city and half of East Galway County had infected water that was undrinkable for months? You must have forgotten about that.

But do you remember back to more recent times, John? In fact it was only three weeks ago that you were worried about a report that said that 36% [yes - over a third] of our water supplies were hazardous with cryptosporidium or E.coli.

However, I suppose poisoning a third of the population is a small price to pay so that Gormless can feel he is pushing the green agenda.

So I ask you all to raise a glass to John.

dirty-water

Sláinte.
[which, in case you have forgotten, John, translates as 'Health']

New soccer rules

Grandad February 18th, 2008

I find soccer incredibly boring.

I have never liked the game, or any aspect of it. The game itself is just a crowd of overpaid nancies running around a field kicking a ball. Then there is the hysteria and [worst of all] the interminable analysis that accompanies each game.

I have a little proposal to make the game a little more interesting.

Soccer is played on a very large pitch. 10,800 square meters roughly. Including the referee, there are 23 players on the pitch at any one time. Correct me if I’m wrong? Each player takes up only one square meter, so, in the course of a match, the players take up one five-hundredth part of the pitch. That leaves a hell of a lot of spare space.

football_pitch

My proposal is simple.

Why not hold two games at the same time?

All you need is two different colour balls, and four different team colours. Each match will be entirely independent of the other. You would only need to introduce a couple of extra rules about players using the wrong ball or tackling a player who isn’t their official opponent.

Semi-finals could be played on the same pitch. Think of the excitement!

Also we could get the damned soccer season over in half the time.

In fact, this principle could be applied to a lot of games. Rugby? Cricket? Tennis? Baseball? The list is a long one.

It might even make the game interesting enough for me to watch a game or two.

There is a Jedi in my Spam Box

Grandad February 18th, 2008

I have a very free and easy policy when it comes to comments on this blog.

Essentially, my policy is that anyone can comment, and if I don’t like what they have written, then that is my problem. I won’t delete or modify their posts because I’m not a censor.

There are exceptions to this though.

If one commenter seriously abuses another and launches a personal attack, I will remove or modify the comment[s]. So far, I have only had to do that once.

Another is when a comment comes in that is irrelevant to the topic and is there purely to push someone’s personal agenda on some other topic. In my book, that is spam.

I had a comment on a post, and it was addressed to me personally. It was from my old friend "SuperShadow" or whatever his name is. He used a false email address so I can’t write to him personally, even if I wanted to. The first line in the comment was..

"Grandad please let this comment thru. Im under pressure from morm-jordil to keep this campaign going. All your other blogging friends hav no problem with it".

Now, I very much doubt that my blogging friends would like to support this kind of campaign, and even if they did, that is their business. Their policies may differ from mine.

Actually, the subject he is writing about would be an interesting one for debate, but I’m not going to mention it now, as that would be playing his game. So here is an open challenge to "SuperShadow" or whatever his name is.

If you want a debate, or to make a point, then write to me directly. Use a valid email address so I can reply. I am not going to engage in debate with someone who hasn’t even the courage to use a real address.

Until then, your comments will continue to end up in my spam box, where they will be deleted.

May the force be with you.