Archive for April 24th, 2008

Six little words

Grandad April 24th, 2008

That sod Rick O’Shea has memed me.

He knows I hate memes.

He wants me to describe myself in six words.   Hahahaha!

I could go

  • brilliant
  • insightful
  • articulate
  • funny
  • hilarious
  • modest

but I won’t because one or two of those aren’t true [take your pick].

Thinking about it, I could describe just about anyone else, but me.  I could have a field day with Dubya, Harney or Bertie.

Aw shit!

QUIET.  Yes.  Honestly.  I’m a quiet sort of a bloke.  I’m not the gregarious party-going type.  I keep myself to myself.

CONTENTED.  In my own world.  I hate the world they are trying to impose on us though, with their fucking nanny state, their CCTVs, their intrusion into my affairs and the petty laws to protect us from ourselves.

HAPPY.  With a pipe in one hand and a pint in the other, and a good woman at home in the kitchen where she belongs.  What more could I ask for?

WEALTHY.  The above mentioned good woman, a funny dog, a lovely daughter, two fantastic grandchildren and a roof over my head where I love to live.  What more do I need?  Money?  Nah!

HAIRY.  The only places I don’t have hair are my eye-balls and about four inches on the outside of my legs above my ankles.

GRUMPY.  Obviously.  If I’m old, I have to be grumpy.  I have a lot to be grumpy about, with the appalling state of the modern world. It’s mandatory at my age.  But that’s why I started to blog.

That’s six.  I’m not doing any more.  Maybe I’m wrong on them?  Maybe there are other more appropriate words?

And now it’s my turn…..

G’wan Darragh

K8 loves these.

McAWilliams gets one, simply because I was chatting to him earlier.  [The wrong place at the wrong time!]

and

Jefferson, who memed me last week and I haven’t gotten around to it yet…

-oOo-

I have just read over this again.  Jayzus, what a load of bollix!

Six real words -

  • Narky
  • Grumpy
  • Irrascible
  • Thirsty
  • Intolerant
  • Accurate [I can take out an Oriental at 500 yards every time]

There.  That’s better.

New licensing laws will solve all

Grandad April 24th, 2008

I went down to the pub for a pint last night.

Pullit served me my pint, and I lit up the pipe.

"Were you listening to that shower saying their goodbyes to Bertie?" he asked.

"That shower of hypocritical sycophants? No chance!"

That confused him a bit, as I keep forgetting he doesn’t do the Irish Times crossword, but he got the gist.

"What do you think about the latest thing to cut down drinking?" I asked.

He sighed.  "Another fucking law.  They can stuff it up their arses."

"So you’re not going to install CCTV then?"

"I am in my hole!"

"A good place," I replied.  "Now’s your chance to install one in the ladies jax."

"Hah! I hadn’t thought of that one.  Good thinking, Grandad."

"And what about their sting operation?  Sending kids in to order drinks so they can trap you?"

"Jayzus! Where are they going to find sixteen year old Gardai?  Anyway if some kid came in here dressed in a Garda uniform, I think I’d spot him."

Just then, nine year old Jimmy came in for his granny’s nightly takeaway of a pint of Guinness, so Pullit stabbed out his cigarette and went to serve him.

I feel sorry for the people in the cities, having to put up with all these crazy laws.

gunness_child