Granny Whiplash
Grandad May 20th, 2008
When one is on a pension, the opportunities for making an extra few bob are few and far between.
Herself got all excited on Sunday when she was reading the papers.
Apparently one of the great booming industries in Ireland at the moment is the sex trade.
“We could do with some extra money for the holidays,” she said, as she got out her knitting bag.
“Aren’t you a bit ahhhhh… mature?” I asked.
“Old?” says she. “Not at all. It’s easy. It’s so easy I could do it with my eyes closed, on the flat of my back and with both hands tied behind me.”
“If you think so,” I said. “But what about the dangers?”
“What dangers?”
“Diseases?” I suggested.
“Caveat emptor,” she replied with a snigger, as she cast on a new row of stitches.
“What about physical harm?”
“I’ll try to curb my temper,” she said as she laced into the plain and the purl.
“You’ll need protection,” I said.
“I’ll bring the frying pan.”
She certainly seemed to have all the answers.
I like Herself to get out and about. Between that and the macramé classes and the gardening club, she’ll have a busier life than me.
And the extra €5 a night will be handy.
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Ehh……
Hmm. Knitting needles. Eeeek.
Caveat emptor! That was priceless.
Darren - Is that an offer?
Thrifty - I take it that isn’t?
Popeye -
Grandad,
Best way to make money with whiplash is to get a friend to run into the back of your car and then drive off. You report an unknown driver hit the back of your car and that you have severe pains. Compo will pay for a holiday in France and a few cases of wine.
(I hear you say that such things could not happen in this country)
Ian - That would be fraud! Granny’s way involves no injury, except maybe to the client. It also keeps her out of mischief.
Not that I would know anything about it, but there’s always knitted willie warmers
The weather would be right over there for something useful like that, and it wouldn’t put the general population at risk. There’s always that itchy wool factor…but ehhhh it’s a feature 
5 pounds a night reminds me of the old joke where she says I made $100 and 10 cents last night. Who gave you 10 cents ? All of them.
Another time I was sat by the Dam one afternoon chatting to two Cloggie ladies when one said to the other; and I paraphrase; “I’ve had 40 cocks in my mouth today.” Kind of put me off doing any business.
Haha . . or she could just do phone sex whilst finishing the ironing! “ooh baby . . ooh yeah!”
Granny could make a fortune knitting anatomically correct life-sized dolls for lonely men! Available in Fair Isle or Aran. And lonely ladies deserve a woolly companion too for when the nights start drawing in. 100 euro uncut, 99.50 circumcised.
She could knit herself into history! Course, they’d need to be fully machine washable.
€5 ….. the downturn in the economy is having an impact!
Stepford Mum - Willie warmers? I don’t know much about them. You wouldn’t have a pattern or two you could spare?
TT - You do keep very strange company. Have you thought of moving?
Baino - She tried that but the customers complained that she was too explicit.
Sam - You could be on to something with that? It’s amazing the effects that can be achieved with a drop of cable stitching…. The only problem is that they would probably shrink in the wash?
Paddy - Inflation is a terrible thing. But you can take it from me - deflation is worse.
Go girl, go !!!
Willy warmers - we call them brass monkey warmers in this neck of the world
Talk about a girl’s ability to multi-task ; iron & phone chats
Great skills there !!!
I’m taking notes; gonna have to talk to the hubs as I want to make some “pin” money and you’ve inspired me:
Can knit
Can iron
Can handle a phone
Can handle other things as well
roflmao
I’d buy that for a dollar
So does that mean, technically, you are going to start dressing down and acting more like a pimp?
http://www.completelybonkers.co.uk/images/smi2%20pimp%20purple.jpg
Medstudentwife - Go for it. It’s all in the handling.
Peter K - Buy what for a dollar? A willy warmer? Herself? She’s a lot more expensive than that [plus V.A.T.]
I like the photo, but I’d have to shave the beard. That’s a no no.