False accusations
Grandad May 29th, 2008
I love birds.
We lived for a while in Suburbia, and we considered ourselves lucky if a blackbird sang in our tree. We used to get magpies, but they aren’t any fun.
Here, we have birds by the bucketload, and the blackbirds and thrushes try to outdo each other in their songs and it is beautiful. We have an amazing variety of birds from the wrens who are nesting outside the kitchen window up to Bertie, the heron.
One thing they have a habit of doing is flying into our windows. There will be a loud bang, and another thrush or dove or something will end up somewhat dazed on the ground.
I often wonder at the outcome of these encounters with our glass.
Picture the scene - Female Thrush is sitting on the eggs in the nest. She is somewhat hungry and has sent Himself out to get some grub. He arrives back.
Her: Jayzus! Would you look at the state of you. Where have you been?
Him: I don’t know. I was flying along and suddenly I was on the flat of my back.
Her: You’ve been down the pub again. Haven’t you?
Him: No way! Stop nagging, woman. I have a slitting headache.
Her: It’s the same every time. I sit here minding your eggs, and all I ask is that you nip down to the compost heap for a half pound of grubs and a packet of worms, and you end up in the pub again.
Him: Aw, shut up woman. I wasn’t in the pub.
Her: Well? Where’s the groceries then?
Him: I didn’t get them. I forgot.
Her: *sigh. Men!*
Him: *sigh. Women!*
- Around the garden
- Comments(12)
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hahaha. Brilliant.
Very clever, very funny.
Fool that I am, there was one time when I was asked to go to the shops and forgot to go to the pub instead. That was a big mistake. Trust me on this - there is far less hassle in coming back with nothing then coming back with something.
- That’s the really expensive brand of detergent, you clown!
- Of course, all apples don’t tast the same, you halfwit!
- When I asked for a sugar-free, caffeine-free, calorie-free bottle of coke, I did NOT mean come back with a bottle of water.
- Did you really think that it would be funny to buy bleach when I asked for #?!@#’n mouthwash?
And so on…
Bertie the heron?
What did the heron do to deserve that? A magpie, I could have understood!
Maybe if you took the pub sign down from above the window the bird would stop flying into it?
I keep several birdfeeders om my back deck. Quite relaxing, even therapeutic to watch them. My favourite is the pileated woodpecker.
Men. They really ARE all the same!!!
Longman - I have suffered the same experience. I must admit though, I haven’t been inventive enough in the past. Bleach instead of mouthwash is a great one. I must try it….
Ian - Bertie has been visiting us for years. I have a photo or two of him earlier on this site. There again, he could be a descendant of the original.
Jim C - I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe if I just put up a ‘closed’ sign?
TT - I have bird feeders, a bird table and a lot of trees and shrubs that I leave undisturbed for the birds. It annoys the hell out of the neighbours though!
Olga - So are women.
The first time I saw a bottle of sugar-free, caffeine-free, calorie-free diet coke I stopped dead in my tracks, picked it up, read the label and said to her, ‘If they remove the water you would have a can of air’.
Hi Grandad!
Poor birdies - perhaps you could stick a great big cut out of a cat in the middle of the window, as a deterrent? Might turn Sandy off tennis for a while too. She can spring up and down all day trying to get the ‘cat’ and give yourself some rest and the birds a laugh! Waddya think?
Nice one Grandad! You obviously have clean windows!
I think of these bird crash things as:
Her: Jayzus! Would you look at the state of you. Where have you been?
Him: Me.. who are you ???.. My name is Sophie….WHERE DID I LEAVE MY BABIES ??!!!!
When we lived in Minnesota the worst birds for braining themselves unto deadness on the windows were cedar-waxwings. Gorgeous birds but dumb as wormless dirt. We reclassified them as tits.