If it weren't for me I wouldn't be here
Grandad June 4th, 2008
There was a comment on this site yesterday from Andrew.
Andrew is new to the blogging world. Poor sod. But he has made a good start over at Chancing My Arm.
Andrew poses the question about ‘literary self-consciousness’. You’d know he was a teacher!
For a start, Andrew, you must realise that there are two of us doing the writing on this site.
There is me. I’m the genius behind the site. I’m the one with the humour and the adventurous spirit. I don’t give a shit what I say about myself, or anything else, for that matter.
Then there is The Other Fella. TOF is a sad bastard. He is the one who actually does the typing. He plays around with the software and puts the ideas on the screen. But they are my ideas, not his. TOF is a boring bloke and would be too scared to write anything about himself. There’s nothing to write anyway. Yes. He is that boring!
I let TOF go to any place where bloggers meet. He went to the Awards thingies. I tagged along too but he didn’t realise it. It was he who got on stage at the Irish Blog Awards and looked all embarrassed and stuttered out that pathetic little speech. People met him and thought he was me. They soon found out how boring his is.
TOF’s problem is that he is too self conscious. If it weren’t for me, he’d get nothing written because he wouldn’t dare.
There is a lot you don’t know about TOF. But take it from me – you don’t want to know it. He wouldn’t dare write about it, and I have too much respect for you to bore you with it.
I, on the other hand, don’t give a flying fuck. Literary self-consciousness? Hah! I’m not worried what you know. You’re going to hear it, warts and all.
Of course, TOF gets blamed for the things that are written. People jump to the wrong conclusion and assume he is me. It’s the price he has to pay for being my public representative. I let him do it though.
The poor sod needs some excitement in his humdrum life.
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Yep, that about sums it up for most bloggers I’d guess. On my blog I talk shite and rail against the machine. Off my blog I, well, talk shite and rail against the machine. But as a different identity dammit!
Reminds me of this piece by Jorge Luis Borges. Or more accurately, it reminds me of a book by Margaret Atwood in which she talked about said piece. I’m being reminded of things, is the point.
Thrifty – You mean you are not as interesting as I thought you were?
Emordino – I hate to think that this site makes people think. And Jorge is just ripping off my ideas as usual.
Only a simple split personality? I would have thought your had multipule voices in head, at least half a dozen or so. Rambling is safer when its done as a group activity.
Ah, The Other Fella, that explains it. I bumped into this hairy old geezer in the street and I said “F***ing hell, it’s Grandad!” He said “No no, I just look like him. Common mistake. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to recycle my old bus tickets. Good day.” Then he shambled off, looking nervously back at me.
Not sure how you came to that conclusion from my comment, but probably. Very likely in fact. [goes off to do dull stuff ]
Nick – That sound like him all right. Looked like he was dressed by Oxfam?
Thrifty – Which one of you said that?
Interesting.
I generally get a good ‘bloggy’ reaction when I’m being myself, silly, childish etc.
As soon as I attempt anything along the lines of seriousness people run a mile.
“There is a lot you don’t know about TOF”.
Ah, g’wan, g’wan, Grandad!
You know you want to tell us more about t’other fella.
Warts and all please!
The one that talks shite
No, not Oxfam. More like the stuff rejected by Oxfam.
Ah, I think most bloggers are probably a little ‘bipolar’ (don’t eat me all you PC people) in that we’re bolder on our blogs than in real life. Hiding behind our computer screens, eh? What wusses! x
Christ, you’ve pretty much summed it up there. My problem is taht i haven’t managed to draw the line between myself and the other fella quite as clearly as you have.
And thanks for linking to my page, I wasn’t expecting that.
Andrew,
There did used to be another bloke called Ron who helped Grandad out, but he went off to Thailand or somewhere.
(I see he has been written out of the script, a piece of revisionism similar to Trotsky disappearing from the photograph)
Xbox – Just be yourself then. Unless you don’t want a ‘bloggy’ reaction, in which case don’t.
Steph – If I told you about him, it would drive you to drink with boredom. Believe me – there is NOTHING interesting there….
Thrifty – That’s the one.
Nick – Yup. That was him.
E Mum – Who’s hiding? I’ll take anyone on. Do you actually write your own blog?
Andrew – Practice. As E Mum says – develop a drop of bi-polarism! As for linking to the blog.. Why not? It’s a new blog and I like it. You’re on my feed reader [not that I promise to read it
]. I keep promising to update my blog-roll but I have too many blogs I like so I may confine it to people who comment here. *heh*
Ian – I stopped writing about him because he stopped replying to my emails. He got tired of me. Or he died of the clap. Or something.
Ah I tried to be two personalities but then I got them confused and became dull on the blog and outgoing at work, the accountants didn’t like it.
Every word of what I write is utterly true.
Baino – If I let the TOF have free reign, you’d all be bored to death.
Sam – Same here. 100%. Unadultrated. Unvarnished. Absolute. Would I tell a lie???
Sam – Me too. Who spreads these appalling rumours that everything’s made up and I’m actually a one-legged nun with 137 cats?
Nick – Bless you, Sister.
That TOF guy I met was a boring bastard now that you mention it. I liked his beard though.
I’m not sure if there any real difference between me online and offline. Maybe the online version is a little smarter. In real life I tend to open my mouth talk a fierce load of shite before my brain has even noticed my gob has opened.