Reasons
Grandad June 15th, 2008
I went down for a pint or four last night.
“It’s quiet tonight?” I said to Pullit as I sat at my favourite stool and lit up the pipe.
“It’s the football,” said Pullit as he placed a nice pint in front of me. “They’re all over in the Inn shouting at the widescreens and getting themselves into a frenzy.”
“Jayzus, but I hate football,” I said after knocking a couple of inches off my pint. “A shower of nancies chasing a ball around a fucking field isn’t my idea of entertainment.”
“I could never see the attraction,” Pullit agreed as he started pouring a couple of pints for some Americans who were huddled in the corner writing postcards. I noticed he was using the slops from the previous night, which should give give them a nice dose of the gawks.
“How’s that web thing that you write coming on?” he asked as he engraved a couple of shamrocks in the heads of the pints.
“Terrible,” I said. “I wrote about that treaty thing and now they are all blaming me for the No vote.”
Pullit laughed. “Why were you so strong on the No thing anyway? I didn’t think you were that much into politics?”
“It was Herself. She dragged me up North to do some shopping and we ended up in the Sprucefield Shopping Centre.” I shuddered. “It was a terrible place.”
“What was so bad about it?” asked Pullit after shouting at the Americans to collect their pints, which were already going flat.
“There were only two fucking shops,” I replied. “A Boots and a Marks and Spencers. I had to spend a couple of hours drinking coffee in a fucking McDonalds while she trawled the shops. It was a nightmare.”
“What has that got to do with the treaty?”
“It has everything to do with the treaty. I have had nightmares about Sprucefield ever since.
So I certainly never want to see Lisburn again.”
- Around the village
- Comments(14)
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The husband thinks along the same lines Grandad. He is just happy all the lesbians are staying in Europe – he says there’s no place for them here!
What has he got against the residents of Lesbos?
The thing that scares me most about the economic downturn is how the whole midlands may lose the few shops that it only managed to accumulate recently.
Used to be nothing but a Dunnes and a Quinnsworths.
The Sundays that we went out shopping in the early-mid 90s still stand in my mind as some of the most terrible moments I ever had to experience… the only fun things there were the video advertisements of the latest jml piece of sh!t.
How far is this Lisborn from Portodown?
McDonalds coffee! Grandad surely you could not have sunk that low.
Well of course you’re to blame for the no vote, Grandad. It was your claim that every document in the country would now have to be available in all 27 EU languages that sent the no vote rocketing. Nice one!
Good grief, how did I get to be a top commentator? I blame that Thriftcriminal, he’s impersonating me again.
About 20 minutes away from here you may find yourself at the corner of Lisburn rd. and Lisburn rd. They thought that might be confusing so rather than change one of the road names they just took down the signs.
Gub’mint at it’s finest!
God help us all if no matter where we go we have to commiserate over a cup of McDonald’s coffee!!!!!
Brianf – They would never take down the signs on Lisburn Road, Belfast. Apparently it’s now one of the most fashionable streets in Ireland, would you believe. Can’t think why, it’s just loads of trendy boutiques and coffee shops.
“I sat at my favourite stool and lit up the pipe.”
So you’re still smoking in Irish bars too!
Lisburn, the City for everyone.
Except anyone who wants to stay overnight since it doesn’t have a hotel.
City my arse.
And don’t get me started on Newry, urrrggghhhh.
Ha! I’ve got one better. We have a “Lisburn Free Presbyterian Church” here that resides on Lisburn road. Explain that one.
Hahaha Jesus man, this is the best blog I’ve ever read. Thanks so much for cutting through the bullshit and making me laugh. I’m from Belfast and Lisburn is my #1 hated place in the universe, I feel your pain.
Now how to get that bastard Union Jack off my name…
Hi Seán and welcome! Thanks for the compliment? I was miserable that day. It pissed rain, and I had to sink to the lowest of the low and have coffee in McDonalds!! I hate McDonalds.
If you want to get rid of the Union Jack, you’ll either have to move South, or change your service provider!