When the wheel stops turning

Grandad June 20th, 2008

It has become a bit of a tradition that whenever I travel the Dublin to Galway road, I stop off at Locke’s Distillery in Kilbeggan.

I also stop there if I’m on the Galway to Dublin road.

Not only is a handy place for a piss, but they serve good food and coffee.

Locke’s Distillery is supposed to be the oldest pot still in the world.  It still uses all the old traditions and methods, and its most striking feature is the huge water wheel at the side.

lockeswater

When we arrived, I was delighted to see the wheel churning away, creaking and groaning as it has for well over a hundred years.

While we were there, a coach driver came in.

“I have a coach load of tourists outside,” says he. “Where do you want me to put them?”

“Bring them through to the back,” says the manager.

I might add that Locke’s is one of Ireland’s finest tourist processing plants.  I almost felt sorry for the coach load.  Luckily there was a fortuitous thunderstorm which drowned out most of the screams from the back. 

Later, I had to nip out to the car to fetch something.  On my way back, I noticed the water wheel had stopped, which was very unusual.

I went up to the girl behind the counter.

“Do you know that the wheel has stopped?”

“Aw fuck!” says she.  “Someone must have thrown another Spaniard in the works.”

34 Responses to “When the wheel stops turning”

  1. emordino IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 9:53 am

    You can’t see me but I’m shaking my head disapprovingly.

  2. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 10:03 am

    Emordino - No. That’s too much coffee.

  3. steph IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 10:04 am

    Good to see you back on form!

    I have great difficulty holding on till Kilbeggan but the hubbie refuses to stop in Kilcock! :lol:

  4. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 10:12 am

    Steph - I don’t blame him. An unfortunate name for a town?

  5. flirty IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 10:24 am

    great pub, bad joke ( still laughed )

    welcome back

  6. Longman Oz IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 11:28 am

    The man responsible must have been russian the job, instead of czeching what he was doing. Perhaps if it was around lunchtime and he was hungary for a greecey lunch.

    The general manager must have been sweden with anger when he saw the damage though.

    Anyway, probably best I finnish with this gag before it becomes total turkey.

  7. Geri Atric NETHERLANDSon 20 Jun 2008 at 1:30 pm

    Too right Longman Oz - always happens with these old wheels, they should greece it more often.

  8. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 2:14 pm

    Flirty - Pub? It’s a distillery! They don’t have drink?!

    Surely no one can be a worse punner than Longman or Geri?

  9. Longman Oz IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Oman! I thought norway was there anyone else as bad as me. If that is the lay of thailand though, I will have to polish my act further.

  10. tt UNITED STATESon 20 Jun 2008 at 3:10 pm

    Good to have you back old timer.

  11. spaghetti hoop IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 3:12 pm

    Syria’s puns! Send Samoa!

  12. Geri Atric NETHERLANDSon 20 Jun 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Alas(ka)n’t think of anymore…

  13. spaghetti hoop IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Uganda have to think of one or Timor…

  14. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 4:06 pm

    Oh God! *groan*

  15. Longman Oz IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 4:10 pm

    Sudanly everyone is at this. Ghana have to step up to denmark and peru’s my memory to myanmar puns. That said, with the weekend fast approaching though, I need togo.

  16. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 4:25 pm

    Ah, Phuket! Goa so.

  17. spaghetti hoop IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Bahrain hurts now. Sorry all - but I’m the big Egypt for not getting me Punjabs…

  18. English Mum IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 5:53 pm

    Ah Gramps, ’tis lovely to see you back on form. Loved the post. A great Finnish. Hee.

  19. Danny McKnight UNITED STATESon 20 Jun 2008 at 5:56 pm

    I just returned from Ireland and I would like to thank you for sparing me! Although- In Cork, someone did hurl a beer can at me. Was that you?

  20. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 6:00 pm

    Danny - Good God, no. I never throw beer cans. Bricks, maybe. Was it full?

  21. Danny McKnight UNITED STATESon 20 Jun 2008 at 6:12 pm

    It was full and unopened! After picking it up and thanking the kind man for tossing me a beer, I passed a homeless man whose face was split open from cheek to brow… It was a perfect circle. Truly a sad sight.

  22. Brianf UNITED STATESon 20 Jun 2008 at 6:16 pm

    Oh you Irish! Always being mean to folks from other countries. Here in the states if you want to mess up the works you just throw a wench into it.
    Where did Maryland? I don’t know but Alaska.

  23. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 6:20 pm

    These puns are getting Boulder by the minute.

  24. Grandad IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Danny - I never throw a full beer can unless it’s Budweiser. It’s the only thing that gnat’s piss is good for.

  25. Spag Hoop IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 7:07 pm

    PUNJABS - get the vaccine now. Iran a support group for Syria’s punners once. I’m Ghana revive it for Utah attend. Bit of a Cuba.

  26. Brianf UNITED STATESon 20 Jun 2008 at 7:37 pm

    Grandad, you know those old water wheel things are pretty dangerous. You should be glad you didn’t get your Dingle Penninsula stuck in there. If you did, you would have been Corked because you know the only way to stop them is to ring the Belfast. Geez after all that you would have had a nasty case of useless Wicklow, not to mention you would look like a Munster.

  27. Andrew IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 9:45 pm

    Dubai me a bottle or two next time you’re in Kilbeggan, won’t you Grandad? I’m china think of more puns but don’t want to go out on a complete turkey.

    shit, keep making typos, I need to use spellczech

  28. Spag Hoop IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 9:55 pm

    Like it Andrew.

    Grandad - I’m a bit shy - but that doesn’t stop me offering my condolences. Bereavement is a tough station. iTunes and hard liquor help but never heal :) Good luck

  29. Jim C FRANCEon 20 Jun 2008 at 10:02 pm

    A pun is a short quip followed by a long groan. ~Author Unknown

  30. Bock the Robber IRELANDon 20 Jun 2008 at 11:08 pm

    Good old John Lennon.

  31. medstudentwife CANADAon 21 Jun 2008 at 12:52 am

    *lol* on the blog & *lol* on the comments… soylent green keeps on coming back to haunt me ..hehehehehe

  32. june in florida UNITED STATESon 21 Jun 2008 at 1:14 am

    Grandad we keep sending Dubya over there but he keeps coming back.With your unending battle against tourism all i can ask is “why”? Are you losing your touch?

  33. RhodesTer UNITED STATESon 21 Jun 2008 at 10:25 am

    I am never, ever visiting you in Ireland. You, however, are welcome in Palm Springs anytime. Bring your money.

  34. Longman Oz IRELANDon 21 Jun 2008 at 10:33 am

    @brianf - Like it! We have a similar one here in north Dublin that a grandparent (no, not that one!) taught me:

    - Why did Malahide?

    - Because he saw Skerries Rush with Swords to Killester.

    @June - that is a hilarious comment. That said, people (probably!) should not take Grandad’s talk of killing tourists too italy.

    I will ukraine from further puns now.

    (Yeah right!)

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