Help Desk
Grandad June 23rd, 2008
Once again, I have been trawling my search requests.
As usual, I am getting tons of requests for porn, which I refuse to give. I mean to say - ‘old ladies giving blowjobs’? What kind of sick fucks are there out there?
There are a lot of requests about getting rid of wasps nests. There seems to be an international problem there. My advice is fire or dynamite.
There are some requests that are a little strange and I will endeavour to answer some of them. They are reproduced here exactly as I received them. As ever, my public service commitment is outstanding.
cant make out the voices in my head: Have you tried listening? Or turning up the radio a tad?
i am the chosen one: I am so happy for you. What were you chosen for?
drinking old stale wine: Not to be recommended, but if you must, you must. I think you may have a small problem. Have you noticed any pink elephants lately?
without subscription of sky, can we see the paid channels: Think about it, you twat… How can you see the paid channels if you don’t pay? Moron.
killing someone and the use of crushed glass: Interesting. Have you tried putting it in their food?
god, i have a few more questions: Good. Let’s have them….
come back tomorrow: Why? Are you going to ask something interesting?
why do we call right hand as our right hand: Because it’s at the end of your right arm, you fucking eejit. What do you want to call it? Fred?
crook bertie ahern: That’s not a question. That’s a statement of fact.
do i need a big cock: That depends. Do you have a big hen?
what are u have to be to drive in ireland: Insane. By your spelling, I’d say you qualify.
what side of the road do you drive in ireland: I’m asked this one quite a lot. It depends on how many pints I have had.
what does a blackbird look like: Like a bird. Only it’s black.
a turd on legs: We have already mentioned Bertie.
how to put sunglass on top of your head: If you need the Internet to tell you that, then I suggest you search for “brain transplant”.
how to fit head tits on to a toy truck with nothing to hold it !: What the fuck? I need more information….
i hate sport: Me too.
how to make a sex toy out of things round the house: I suggest you start with the vacuum cleaner?
i enjoy kick my son balls: People have weird pastimes. Does your son mind?
i don`t know what knid of dog my dog is can you help me: Easy. Under your dog’s tail, you’ll find an opening. Stick your head in there as far as you can, and you’ll find a metal plate showing the Manufacturer, Make, Model and Serial Number.
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