How versatile is the Irish Times Online?

Grandad June 30th, 2008

What’s all this fanfare about the Irish Times being available on-line?

Big fucking deal.

Irishtimes.com me arse.

Newspapers on the Interweb are utterly useless.  They are functionless.

Can you wrap chips in a monitor?

Can you put a computer screen on the floor to mop up dog piss?

Can you hold a computer across a fireplace to get a sluggish fire going?

Laptops are of little use if you are trying to light a bonfire.

Have you ever tried making a kite out of a server?

Try swatting a wasp with a rolled up Dell.

So…

I’m going to continue buying the good old fashioned newspaper.

I might even read it occasionally.

23 Responses to “How versatile is the Irish Times Online?”

  1. flirty IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:05 am

    Plus bringing your laptop into the bathroom is generally a bad idea.

  2. Xbox4NappyRash NETHERLANDSon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:17 am

    Laptops make lousy party hats and useless toy boats for racing too.

    @Flirty - that depends on your ’suspect’ mag collection I’d imagine…

  3. Kate UNITED KINGDOMon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:22 am

    And your laptop will not blow away when reading the news outside!
    Plus, think of the trees you would be saving not to mention the money you would save reading online….and where can you find chips wrapped in newspaper these days????

  4. Jim UNITED STATESon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:47 am

    I still read my local newspaper. The opinion page is full of letters from old cranky men who are barely able to write letters. Very few have the technological savy to put thier views on the internet.

  5. Green Ink IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 11:49 am

    Dammit I just tried wrapping chips with my monitor. Chips are now very crunchy. There’s blood coming out of my mouth and i think I’m going to fain….

  6. prin UNITED STATESon 30 Jun 2008 at 12:03 pm

    my first thought was, hey, i pay $14 bucks a month for our crappy-assed newspaper and that sure would buy alot of paper towels but then I thought about how much wood costs and you’re right the newspaper is the way to go :)

  7. emordino IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 12:10 pm

    In fairness, if you whack a fly with a laptop it’s going to get the job done.

  8. Longman Oz IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Sir,

    I too am fond of chips wrapped in newspaper (Head Rambles, 30 June 2008). Last night, I made them from an Irish-grown potato.

    Is this a Record?

    Yours, etc.

    Longman Oz

  9. Geri Atric NETHERLANDSon 30 Jun 2008 at 1:16 pm

    Didn’t used to make any difference to my cat. If I tried to read the newspaper, she’d sit on it. If I tried to read news online, she’d sit on the keyboard…
    But emordino is right, you’ll never see a flatter fly than one with a computer dropped on it!!

  10. Grandad IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Flirty - And it’s not much use if you suddenly discover that you are out of jax paper!!

    Xbox - Please don’t invite me to any of your parties……

    Kate - “your laptop will not blow away when reading the news outside” - No. But the shine on the screen will. And have you tried connecting to the Interweb on a bus?

    Jim - So it’syou who reads my letters? :)
    Green Ink - ….. Never mind. You can’t read this anyway..

    Prin - Spot on. Who cares if its crappy-assed if you are going to use it for something else anyway.

    Emordino - Very true. But heave a mainframe at a wasp, and it leaves a bit of a mess.

    Longman - No. Are you going cuckoo??

    Geri - Have you tried slamming the lid on the cat? Also works with flies…

  11. Longman Oz IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 1:54 pm

    Are you going cuckoo??

    When Irish people do not seem to know their spuds, it is hardly a golden wonder that I am.

  12. Kate UNITED KINGDOMon 30 Jun 2008 at 1:56 pm

    “have you tried connecting to the Interweb on a bus?”
    No Grandad, I never have - but tomorrow I have a 5 hour bus journey to visit my son so this could be my first try….. the battery is charged - and I will let you know!!! ;-)

  13. Grandad IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 2:12 pm

    Longman - Are you implying I didn’t get the ‘record’ bit? What kind of ignorant old rooster do you take me for?

    Kate - 5 hours? You are going to need one hell of a long network cable?

  14. Jefferson Davis UNITED STATESon 30 Jun 2008 at 2:22 pm

    Maybe the government doesn’t think that it’s warm enough in Ireland, so they are having everyone fire up their laptops every morn to warm their laps? I wonder what Mr. Gorebal Warming would have to say about that? :)

    You really can’t beat a good ol’ fashioned newspaper. It’s good for beating off the critters, mutts, and people!

    It also acts as an excellent weed inhibitor in gardens, and it’s Biodegradable too! :)

  15. Longman Oz IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 2:34 pm

    I said it marfona laugh than anything else.

  16. TheChrisD IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 2:35 pm

    Hmmm, it’s not very much different to what they had before…

    I was at least hoping they’d put up a PDF version of the paper so that you can properly read it.

  17. Charmed IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 4:22 pm

    I’m for the old style too, you can shake it in annoyance when you read the horror stories therein, and have the crossword, the soduko, and the features all open at the same time. Complete paid though it you come across something you like and want to save it.
    Geri - how did the, er, cat-slaming-lid go? or lid-slaming-cat? Hope the little feline is playing piano on your keyboard?

  18. Maxi Cane IRELANDon 30 Jun 2008 at 9:28 pm

    I’ll bet that’s the last time you get one of their press releases!!

  19. Bock the Robber IRELANDon 01 Jul 2008 at 12:19 am

    Did you ever try killing flies with a rolled-up computer?

  20. Sam, Problemchildbride UNITED STATESon 01 Jul 2008 at 12:51 am

    You can not make a papier mache volcano for your children’s school out of a computer. Not one that fizzes lava anyway.

  21. Grandad IRELANDon 01 Jul 2008 at 12:52 am

    Maxi - Why? I’m advocating that people buy the paper instead of getting it for nothing?!

    Bock - No. But I once rammed a Commodore64 down a rabbit’s hole…..

    Sam - You haven’t seen my computer after a hard day’s work!

  22. AnFearBui IRELANDon 01 Jul 2008 at 9:19 am

    I still cant get the rest of the biro off my screen since I last did the crossword.

  23. Grandad IRELANDon 01 Jul 2008 at 11:04 am

    AnFearBui - You think that’s bad? I still have a hole in mine from where I cut out an article.

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