The meaning of life
Grandad July 9th, 2008
I was down in the village yesterday.
There was a little Snot Gobbler there, who couldn’t have been more than twelve. He must have strayed in from town or somewhere.
I hate Snot Gobblers. They are a form of low life that is frankly, a waste of oxygen. I can’t see how even their mothers could like them. They are always scruffy and aggressive, and the dribble of green eponymous snot is not a pleasant sight.
“Whaddyatinkyouzearefuckinlookinah?” he said to me.
“Pardon?” I replied.
“Whaddyatinkyouzearefuckinlookinah?”
“Are you asking me what I think I’m looking at?”
“Yeah. Whaddyatinkyouzearefuckinlookinah?”
I sighed. “I’m looking at a grubby little urchin who obviously doesn’t recognise his elders and betters.”
“Wha? Fuck youze., I’ll bleeedin kill ya!”
“Go ahead.”
…
I left him to contemplate the meaning of life.
Not that there is much else to think about at the bottom of a rubbish skip.
- Around the village
- Comments(32)
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For just a moment there I thought Snot Gobbler spoke Russian!
Gobblers always have a very thick local accent. A rough translation of his little speech would be “I say, old chap, would you perchance be looking in my direction?”
I’m amazed how polite grandad can be to a child. And I don’t understand irony (never mind memes - still can’t get my head around that). In my pub such little shites as your friend are called slackjaws. you know the type - mouth permanently half open. You can meet an older such slackjaw in Woodies or other diy emporia. ‘You want wha?, a wha?’
getting old is so sweet
The bottom of the rubbish skip is offended by your comparasion.
Kerryview - I am always polite to animals and lower life-forms. They eventually grow up into Skobies, where they can be seen inhabiting the local betting shop and/or pub. You’re right about Woodies, but they tend to employ a slightly more intelligent version that can actually string two words together. The two words usually don’t make much sense, but you have to make a start somewhere….
BB - Why should the skip be offended? I never said anything derogatory about it? It should be pleased that it’s getting extra rubbish?
ah now grandad, I often refer to my office (the pub). We may be old farts drinking pints and black bush and talking pure unadulterated shite, but skobies? us? and we dont go to the bookies, we have paddypower to thank (and the runner in the pub) and that effin flag is driving me cracked. I know I know.
Snot gobbler? Slackjaw? Ohhh, I see… round our way such a mouth-breathing pond-dweller would be referred to as an ‘Emel Chav’. As in those lovely individuals that hang round the shopping centre in Hemel Hempstead throwing empty Red Bull cans at each other…their mating call a tender ‘fack off’. Ah, homesick…I’m brimming up…
Kerryview - I never called us Skobies? Or is the amount of time you spend doing overtime in the office getting on your conscience??
E Mum - I believe the UK is overrun with them too. They are all much the same. The plumage and habitats don’t vary, but the mating calls are locality dependent [and completely incomprehensible]. The HH mating call of “fack off” is very similar to the Eastern Irish “fook off” and is believed to have derived from the same origins [i.e. unknown].
of course you are right. not skobies - not us! btw I don’t count my time at the office as overtime, it is my group therapy (or so my counsellor sez). It is lucky for me that my office is out the country. thnx to the toerag skobies my town (and it’s offices) is off limits after 9 at night. just as well, my last pint is usually 7 of the clock. unless we have tourists looking for gene pool relatives.
“Snot Gobblers”
Ah that is hillarious.
I have just listened to this on Odiogo.
Heh! The Yank copes quite well?
I thought I had clicked on Grannymar’s feed in my reader. I started reading this and was shocked - I thought Grannymar had fallen off her rocker. I was appalled and worried about her mental state.
Then I realised I was actually reading your blog and I thought it was quite mild.
Ah well - someday she’ll flip the lid and start spouting obscenities. Until then, we have you to keep us going.
Ha! He nose snot to do it again then!
You don’t hear f*** off much in the Neths. it’s more ‘Sodemieter op klootzak!’ (The last bit referring to the lower male anatomy).
Darren - Let me check this again… You thought this was Grannymar’s blog?? I think I would worry about your mental state!
Geri - Sodemieter op klootzak I love it! I have to go and practice that now. It sounds much better than the other.
Ref. Odiogo - good grief…! Is that a real person’s voice or Stephen Hawking?!
Well done for showing such restraint! I would probably have smacked his snotty little head.
Geri - I tried removing it altogether and got shouted at, so I had to leave it there. Some people like it?
Lottie - I have become very restrained in my old age. In times past I would have mashed the little bugger, but I’m more mature now.
I like it too, though I nearly swallowed me tongue trying to copy the way he (the Yank?) said it!
Geri - You have a weird masochistic streak!
I just listened to the odiogo. Heh ! Funny as shit. West coast accent I would say.
my partner refers to such people as ‘f***ing low life’ or ‘early grave locators’ - he’s very impressed by them too!!!!!
I would have cut off his toes and fed them to a swan.
Snot gobblers are everywhere these days, it’s no longer just an urban blight.
There’s a new term for this sort of worthless lifeform? I would have just stuck with skangers, or the “English” word: teenager.
Not to say every teenager is as low-life as this, but 95% of them are…
Grandad,
I am all about responsibility, what about the little bastards “parents”? They send him out so that do not have to deal with him. Maybe they should be digging the garbage out of the dumpster and then putting it back again. Do this a few times when the little prick decides that he is better the everyone else. I need my Prozac
As if the land fills aren’t full enough of little bags of shite!!
hey, just thought i’d let you know i finally got some woopra! not all of them but 3. got the code loaded on the sites and am scratching my head…now what was I supposed to do with this
Prin - I see it’s running all right! [There is a little givaway, if you visit a site running Woopra.] Let’s know how you get on.
the stats are working great but how can *you* see it’s running alright? and what little giveaway? did you know that if you are running firefox that those adsense ads you have at the top spread over halfway over the page? might want to check on that. move em to the side bar or tweak them somehow. they go all the way over halfway into the quote on tourists. The one’s at the bottom go across the entire page… mwp’s would have a tizzy
I remember I had to do some tweaking when I first put them on my site….they are just a bother anyway and I keep swearing I’m going to remove them altogether 
If you visit a site with Woopra running, you’ll see the status bar flash every five seconds or so as it connects to Woopra.
I would dearly love to get rid of those ads, but they owe me money, and if I take the ads down, they won’t pay! And you are seeing errors because you are using a small screen.
do i have to click on your site from mine to see the thingy? because i don’t see it on yours when i click to get here from the email notice. and yeah, i figured it was me and mine
Why are we discussing this here and not on my post about Woopra?
I have just entered your site, and it connects to engine28.woopra.com every now and then. If you view mine, you should see the same thing. This is a new variation on “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine”?
oh, hell i don’t know…it was late when i posted the first one last night and this one was the first one i came to. was just excited i finally got it. i think i need a blogger plug in that is not out yet. all i get when i click that link the engine 28 thingy is a blank gray screen that says “happy new year” wtf? we can move this conversation if you want but i think i’m done with it for now…it’s payday so i’ve got to go slap some outstretched hands with our meager little funds and tell em to shut up for a minute
have a good one!