The future is a blank screen
Grandad August 5th, 2008
So Digital Television is finally coming to Ireland?
When we first got a television here in the mountains, the only signal we could get was HTV from Wales. It was crystal clear, and all you needed for an aerial was a small lump of wire in the socket. Of course, that was the old 405 line service, and they soon switched that off.
The only option to us then was to try to pick up the 625 line transmissions, but they are iffy at the best of times. They are very dependent on the weather. Sometimes we get nothing at all, and sometimes we can pick up signals from the far side of the U.K. RTE is a dead loss, and we can’t pick that up properly at all, because there are too many hills around.
We finally succumbed to satellite. This was a pain in the arse at the beginning, because it only gave us a couple of hundred stations that were all crap. After a while, they copped on and put BBC, ITV, RTE and Channel 4 on it. That was better, but we can only watch one programme at a time, which means we can’t record anything if we are watching something else. So we kept the old system, just in case.
Now, with the introduction of digital television, they are going to switch off all the old transmitters, which means we will have satellite only.
So what does this mean?
For a start, I can remove the pile of scrap metal from the chimney that was supposed to pick up the signals, but didn’t.
Apart from that, nothing.
Except, of course that RTE are to introduce new channels.
Wow! Now this is really exciting stuff. This is the bit I just cannot wait for. Let’s see what’s on offer….
Fist off the starting blocks, is Dáil TV. When I saw this was coming, I had an instant orgasm of delight. This is going to be riveting stuff. I am going to be able to sit up all night and watch an empty Dáil chamber! If there is a Dáil debate, I can watch it in full swing - three TDs debating with all the other TDs that couldn’t bother their arses to turn up. This is going to be edge of the seat television, and I can’t wait for that one.
Then there is the Irish film channel. I’m not sure what they mean by this? Is it films that are made in Ireland? There are hundreds of those, but I have seen them all. Is it films that are made by the Irish? There are fewer of those, but I have seen most of them too. Or could it be [be still, my beating heart] films in the Irish language? That would be a killer. We are going to have wall-to-wall 24 hour transmission of ‘Mise Éire’. That is great!
Next we have the RTE3 which is to show archive material. Jayzus! Quicksilver and The Riordans? No. Forget that one.
Finally we have RTE1+1. Another ground breaking idea. When we have watched two hours of Pat The Plank masturbating his ego on the Late Late, we can switch over at the end and watch another hour of it. Or we can watch the Nine O’Clock News at ten. That’s novel!
I think it’s time for me to take up knitting.
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