A bridge too far
Grandad September 28th, 2008
There used to be a railway between the village we stayed in in France, and the town about five kilometres away.
I know this because there is the remains of a station in the village, and there is a magnificent five arch stone bridge that spans a valley.
One day, I was driving into town and was following Roger’s instructions on the SatNav to the letter. We were driving down a valley when I first saw the railway bridge. It’s a beautiful structure. I was driving under it, when to my surprise, Roger told me to turn right. For once, I ignored him, as I would have smashed into one of the arches. There was no road there - just the railway a long way over my head. I put it down to Roger’s quirky sense of humour and he soon got over it and brought me into town.
One night, I was coming back from town, and had decided to find some alternative routes. Roger brought me through some back streets and up some hills, when suddenly I found myself on this stretch of road I hadn’t encountered before. It was absolutely straight and level and ran for about three kilometres. It was lovely to drive on, and I got up a good speed.
I was pissing along, when the road narrowed slightly and low walls appeared on each side. Roger demanded that I turn left. Why? There was no turning, just walls.
I stopped the car out of curiosity, and got out. It transpired that the French in their infinite wisdom had converted the old railway line into a road. They are too sensible to fart around with light rails systems or anything like that. They just slap down a layer of tar and voila - a road. I found myself standing on top of the stone railway bridge, that was now a road bridge. Way down below me, on the bottom of the valley floor was the other road that I had driven in the past. So Roger wanted me to turn left onto that road? The little shit! Does he not know that driving a car off a bridge sixty feet high is going to cause some damage?
He has tried these tricks before.
He keeps trying to get me to drive the wrong way down one way streets.
Once or twice he has tried dumping me into a river,
But driving me off a bridge is going too far.
About sixty feet too far.
- Holidays
- Comments(18)
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I’d be worried about this Roger fellow…
I’m reminded of the Simpsons episode when Kitt the car-thing from Knight Rider went after Homer because he wanted Marge for himself.
Thanks be to God, you’re smarter than Homer. Is Roger *nicer* to Herself than to you? IS he? Or does he just want your car to himself, do you think?
Susan - I can’t make out whether Roger is trying to kill me or just has a quirky sense of humour. He doesn’t talk to Herself at all.
Maybe Roger is Hal reincarnate from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Chilling.
Maybe they’re all playing strip-poker up there on the satellite and he just doesn’t have his mind *completely* on your driving…
Radge - I don’t think so. If I disconnect his battery, he doesn’t sing ‘Daisy’.
Susan - Could be. It must be very boring up there when I’m not driving.
I call my Satnav cuntface, as she has brought me to some places that civilization forgot long ago.
I circled a roundabout for about an hour one day because she kept telling me to take the 6th exit, on a 2 exit job.
Bitch.
Never trust them.
Maxi - You mean to say you drove around the roundabout three times to make up the sixth exit? You’re worse than Cuntface. It’s no wonder she has a laugh at you.
I drove around three times shouting at her trying to figure out what she wanted me to do, but yes I suppose I am a cuntface too.
She once wanted me to make a U-turn inbetween exits on the M50, so I think she’s trying to honour a hit that might be out on me.
Maxi - It’s all a conspiracy by the Global Warming crowd to cut down on the number of cars on the road……
Maybe if you set the flying car option to off…
When taking passengers under the seven arches in milltown I sometimes say, that’s called the seven arches, how many arches do you think their are? No-one ever says seven!
there are 7!
What you might call a severe rogering then? Do not trust him sir - methinks he’s been programmed by one of your victims!!
Jim C - Is there a ‘murder’ option I can deselect?
Roy - I wouldn’t have said seven. I know the Irish habit of giving inappropriate names!
Kate - Programmed? Do you mean he isn’t real?
Oh dear, did you think he was your bestest friend - lurking inside a little box - or worse sitting on a star somewhere waiting to guide you?
I think you’ve been harvesting a little too many beans my friend!!!!
Kate - I was told he was up on a satellite [that's why it's called Satellite Navigation]. How else would he know where I was at any given moment? Anything else doesn’t make sense. And I don’t smoke the beans - just the leaves.
Many things don’t make sense in this world - and Roger on a satellite makes no sense to me - keep drying the leaves - maybe it’ll help to forget the madness of this world!!! And don’t go driving off bridges!!!!
Peace, my friend!
Kate - Of course he makes no sense to you. It’s me he is giving directions to.
Peace, Maaahn.
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