Make my day
Grandad October 7th, 2008
I am really pissed off today. I’m not depressed or anything, though the cold and rain isn’t helping.
I just feel like a bit of violence.
I know all about depression.
Anyone who has worked in a semi-state organisation like RTE will know all about depression.
Depression is when the Black Crow sits on your shoulder, and the world is a dark and irrelevant place. You sink into a swamp of apathy, and you haven’t the mental energy to see outside your own misery.
It is a dark and a horrible place.
No. I’m not depressed.
I just want to kick someone in the nuts.
I crave the pleasure of forcing an SUV into the ditch.
I want to see Sarah Palin locked into a room with forty sex starved Alaskan oil workers. [Let her talk her way out of that one]
I want to see Mary Harney become a victim of our wonderful health service.
I crave blood.
I desire mayhem.
I lust for a bus load of tourists and a stinger missile.
Today is a day for inflicting merciless pain on the first person to call to the Manor.
God help the postman.
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France seems a long way off!
Can I give you a list of people I’d like you to meet?
Ian - It’s thoughts of next year that are keeping me [relatively] sane.
Jim C - Feel free. Send over a container load.
**Mission Impossible Theme Playing**
**In black and balaclava**
Alpha Bravo Delta dog, over
Request permission to borrow cup of sugar.
Indulge in pointless consumerism, buy an overpriced thrifty-mug.
Maxi - I might just call up there all right. I wonder how easy it is to remove a security camera from someone’s rectum?
Thrifty - I saw those! I have enough mugs thanks, but might be interested in a thong? [I will be sending you an invoice for advertising on my site, by the way]
That’s their problem.
You have to get in there first!
Make it forty sex-starved Alaskan oil working DEMOCRATS, and now I’m with you.
You’re right, the cold and rain isn’t helping.
You’re obviously having your period - you ought to report it. These guys might help http://www.strangemag.com/
Make it a percentage of my profits
And how is ‘herself’ this wonderful morning? Gone into hiding with Sandy one assumes!!!
I’ll give you a go ……….if ya think yer hard enough,
Maxi - Semtex!
Susan - Consider it so. Twenty Democrats it is.
Thrifty - I won’t get much for 3c these days?
Kate - Herself has just phoned me to say she is answering this for herself.
Roy - You want to bring me for a taxi ride? Or do you want your nuts kicked?
Kate - he locks himself away on bad days! Like Spike Milligan. RIP.
I finally had a chance to see Palin talk the other night, I couldn’t watch for very long… I can’t explain it but it felt like being subjected to some sort of torture and I had anxiety after watching her talk. It’s all well and good for you all to talk across the pond but we have our choice between two wacknuts for president. You all think Bush is a loser wait until either Obama or McNut take the reigns it will be nutsville for sure.
I read somewhere that McCain has a 25% chance of dying in office because he’s a geezer, so Palin has a 1/4 chance of being president!!!! That is so freaky, I think the day I read that my IBS kicked in something serious. (that would be irritable bowel syndrome and I won’t explain it)
Michelle - She scares me, simply because there is such a high chance of her becoming president. It seems to be an immutable law of nature that we have to elect whackos to positions of power. America seems to have honed it to a fine art?
Sit back with me and watch the worldwide failure of capitalism. Enjoy the show.
Indeed. Enjoy the show…. http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=r36Xc0GG4iQ
Thanks, you two. I shall sit back and watch the bodies plunge from the top of Wall Street. Good stuff.
3c? I doubt I’ll even manage that
So when are you going to produce pipe-smoking merchandise? You could have a T with a pic on the front and numbered instructions on proper pipe smoking procedure on the back.
You might need a government warning though
Thrifty - It would more likely be an Irish Tourist Shooting Association [ITSA] shirt, with ‘Grandad Rocks’ on the front. No health warning required.
But it would look like a fossil-discovery society would it not? Clever disguise, so. Like it.
Oh my god i know that feeling. At least you dont work in a resturant i should be saying that resturant work is good but not bloody good when you spend most of your young life in the place. Good quote on sarah palin i would pay money to see that. Keep up the goodwork granddad.
Spaghetti {Hoop} - But would you buy it?
Vicky - I used to run a café if that’s any help?
Grand {ad} - yes I would actually. Market research? Anything for a free T-shirt. You know you’d get all sorts of publicity if you offered them free….or for a prize.
Your tee-shirts that is, not your dead tourists….
SH - Hah! I never considered going into merchandising. I’ll have to think about that. Don’t worry about the tourists - they are ecologically recycled in the local landfill.
I’ll send my “moorketing idea fee” in the post. Ecologically recycled? Right. The smell of burgers of them hints otherwise.
SH - How come you get a marketing fee yet I have to give ‘em away for nuttin?? Where’s the profit??
Flock and friends? Would you like a Grandad T-shirt?
@ Granny - How do you put up with it all? I hope you’ve made his cell padded and sound proof!
Grandad - she had to phone you???? You must be very bad tempered!!! Happy Wednesday!!!
I recognise those symptoms. It’s called PMS. We’re in trouble now, though, since I think the chances of you ever getting past the P to the M are pretty slim, so you’re probably stuck with it.
Sorry.
PMS? Pythagoras Makes Squares? You could be right….
There, there, Grandad **pat pat** have a cookie.
*runs in the other direction as fast as possible*
RhodesTer - If the cookie contains ‘that special ingredient’, you needn’t run….
sorry.. they hooked up my dealer and dragged him off to the pokie.
Find a tourist, be nice to them, buy them a pint, show them around …. then take them out and shoot them. The pleasure will be all the better because their shock will be so much the greater. That should cheer you up.
My apologies, Dorothy! You got stuck in my moderation thingy, and have only now appeared. Periods? Do you mean In My Flowers? I’ll have you know, I’m much too old for that. Those times are past.
Shane - Good idea, but I’ll let them buy the drinks in gratitude for my kindness. That would cheer me up.
R.T.E was a cosy number Grandad. Workin nine to three…5ish.You could have been out till 10pm floggin mobile phones or double glazing!
Cosy, all right. The only problem was getting there and back. I would nearly have preferred to flog mobile phones. Actually, on second thoughts, I’d prefer the traffic jambs.
I know these feelings only too well. And there are day I would indeed become violent, if it were not so totally against my nature. So instead I sit down, have a cup of tea, listen to a sad piece of Mussorgsky or Rachmaninoff, and perhaps write a sad poem. After a while the mood passes and I just carry on with my work.