I’m being stalked
Grandad December 5th, 2008
A while ago, I signed up with Twitter.
I did it for the same reasons I started this site, and also joined Facebook and all those other shite “networking” sites – to see what would happen.
This site is all right. It’s a bit of craic, and I’m glad I started it.
Facebook is a pain in the hole and the only things it is good for is sending me annoying mails, and for buying and selling people. I’m getting good at the latter and I am now have assets of $15 million which will be handy if they reduce my pension any more. It also has the added benefit that I own some fairly tasty pieces of female, which I presumably can call upon, should the need arise.
Twitter though has me baffled. I am stumped. I am bewildered. I am confused.
What the fuck is it for?
The odd time I write something inane, and it vanishes off to that unknown place they call the cybersphere. It’s like sending a radio signal into space – it’s out there somewhere, but nobody is likely to hear it.
Other people are sending inane messages too, so the whole thing is a bit surreal.
Now don’t get me wrong. There are some very important messages floating around. In the last couple of days, I have learnt that someone missed his bus. I also learned that someone else got his first Christmas card. These are important news items and should be at the top of the Six O’Clock News on RTE. I would love to hear Sharon Ní Beoláin reading them out. Mind you, I don’t mind what she reads out as long as I can fanaticise as she is reading it.
Another disconcerting aspect of Twitter is that I keep getting emails.
Every now and then, I get a message saying the Joe Bloggs or someone is now following me on Twitter.
There are quite a few people following me now, but I don’t know why. Why follow someone when you know that they know they don’t know where they are going? It doesn’t make sense. I have this mental picture of myself wandering across the mountains with a couple of dozen people trailing me from a distance waiting to see what I do next. It is a little unnerving to say the least.
Or are they stalking me?
Damn!
Now I’m really worried.
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I’ll follow you. What’s your twitter username? Probably Grandad, huh? Mine, of course, is Rhodester.. feel free to follow me too.
We’ll follow each other.
Okay, yeah.. that’s weird.
I don’t really get the Twitter thing. It seems everyone I know is on it and using, but I’m just not that into it. They can’t seem to go even a few hours with it. If they can’t have access to it, they get fidgety, agitated and stressed. I’m not giving into peer pressure. I’m not going to be an addict.
RhodesTer – Why do you want to follow me? That’s all I want to know. Grandad? Why would I be Grandad? I’m just plain ol’ Headrambles.
Damnit!!! Now I’m being flooded with emails again!!!!
Darren – I don’t think you need worry about addiction. I’ve been on it for a couple of weeks now, and can quite happily live without it…
Because you smell nice, Gran.. er, Headrambles. It’s kind of like pipe tobacco mixed with lilacs. It’s lovely.
Darren, I exercise a modicum of self control in the use of Twitter and only have it running when I’m on. I glance at the “tweets” as they come in and, if anything strikes me, I reply to it. If I’m working on something I don’t want to be distracted from, I turn it off. I miss a lot but I don’t care.
I use a little program called Twhirl. For me, it’s the best. I see that Gran.. er, HEADRAMBLES uses Tweetdeck, but I’ve found it to be too heavy to run on this old PC. It uses up a lot of resources.
With Twhirl, if anyone sends me a reply (@rhodester) or a direct message, I’ll get it eventually, even if I’m not on or I’m operating in distraction free mode. When I first start it up on any given day that I’ve been away for a while or sleeping, I glance at the replies and direct messages to see if anything’s come in for me. Kind of like checking email.
I use a somewhat zen approach to the whole thing and don’t allow myself to get caught up in it.
Twitter is designed for…well, twits obviously
Well I blogged about Twitter some time ago when I didn’t understand the need for it ….. trouble is I still don’t – I have tried but it ends up the same – I only tweet at two people! I have given up!!
Didn’t know you were on facebook Grandad – wanna be my friend?????
I just now succumbed to Facebook (and am still not sure what I’m supposed to do there), so don’t talk Twitter please! I don’t even know what it is.
if two people are following each other on twitter, do they run the risk of running flat into each other?
If you use Twitter I guess that makes you a Twit!
RhodesTer – Pipe tobacco and lilacs? Makes a change from the usual mixture! Your attitude to Twitter is much the same as mine – open it the odd time to see if there is anything going on [and there isn't].
SHoop – I have to agree with that. *runs off to search Twitter for Spaghetti Hoop*
Kate – I will be your friend, only if I can buy and sell you?
Susan – Keep out of Facebook if you value your sanity. It’s a very messy place.
Kae – I don’t think I have that problem. Everyone seems to just be following me!
Brianf – Have you an account?
Grandad!!! That sounds dreadfull – buy and sell me?
It’s not like ebay you know – they sell hippy’s on ebay I’ve heard….
I was simply stating what appeared to be fact.
I wasn’t implying that I am not a twit. I may well be but
I was just asking what seemed the obvious.
Kate – I just bought you. $101. You’re a bargain. Don’t worry – I’ll treat you well.
Brianf – Of course it’s obvious. That’s why I joined.
Oh, I am not stalking you. It just gives me another way of keeping a close eye on you.
A leader of men you are. They will follow you anywhere…. strictly out of curiousity
And I am not a complete twit… I have some parts left.
No, Spaghetti Hoop don’t Twitter. We operate incognito. It’s a James Bond thing.
Twatter.
That’ll be the twat’s version, tt
I think there are differences between twits and twats
Cranky – Is there a limit though? Do you all follow me into the bathroom? Do you follow me to bed? Hmmmmm.
SHoop – But your name is Spaghetti Hoop? How anonymous is that?
TT – Twutter?
Bought me? me? Why would anyone want to buy me? I can be trouble you know …..
Because we don’t do exactly what it says on the tin, Grandad.
Merlin Mann, aka “hotdogsladies” on Twitter, had this to say about it..
@hotdogsladies – “Humor” is what strangers find funny. “Comedy” is what your friends find funny. “Twitter” is what your family finds, and says, “You okay?”
Tit for tat and twit for twat. Heh, heh. Silly sod.
Kate – You are bought. Live with it. I can either hold on to you to do my bidding, or hopefully someone will buy you and I will make a profit.
SHoop – Are you floor varnish or pasta?
RhodesTer -Your friend Mr Mann seems to have a firm grasp on it all right.
TT – You’re talking to yourself again?
Merlin Mann, aka @hotdogsladies on Twitter, runs a blog called 43 folders and is a comedic gem who should be followed by anyone needing a good laugh.
Some other examples of his wit..
“Seems odd that, in over 14 years on the web, I’ve never been asked to play with my boobs for cash. about 6 hours ago from web”
“I just pray that the bailouts can help these poor folks sell us more cars we can’t afford. Wait. What now? 2:26 PM Dec 4th from web”
“Seems like salesmen hardly ever want to just cuddle and talk about how my day went. 11:54 AM Dec 3rd from web”
“There’s more to new age music than drinking herbal tea and gently urinating on a piano for an hour; you’ll also need some hippies with cash. 11:26 AM Dec 1st from web”
I’m one of those people who just started following you. Your mental image of people following you reminded me of my ducks. I used to live in the country and did volunteer wildlife rehab. I raised and cared for injured and orphaned ducks and geese. Some of them were with me in what we call “soft” release. Meaning they weren’t able to migrate or move to far so they had to be in a place where someone would ensure they had a warm barn and a food source. Every morning, I would get up and walk down to the end of my drive, way which was about a city block long to get the paper. All those ducks and geese followed me all the way to the end and back. Quacking, honking and their feet like a small thundering herd behind me. Having Twitter followers is a lot like that.
mmmm all sounds a bit strange master!!!! But hey! Let’s see how it goes!
Welcome Merrycricket.
Yes. That is somewhat like the kind of mental image I have been having. This raises another question – do I have to feed you all?
Kate – No one is interested in buying you yet. Have I made a dud purchase?
> about a city block long
interesting unit of measurement. doesn’t sound imperial or metric. how far is that in Smoots?
Retweeting @headrambles: Quite a crowd behind me now? I know how the Pied Piper felt!
Scared?
Sneezy – I am, a bit. What’s retweeting?
Kae: A city block is one of those interesting units of measurement that change in length and width depending on oh much exaggeration you’re adding into the story. In the case of the ducks and the driveway, could be anywhere from one tenth of a mile to three miles. (Three if there is snow on the ground)
Grandad A retweet is what we do when repeating something someone else says on twitter. What happens in Vegas might stay in Vegas, but what happens on twitter gets retweeted round the world. So not only are we stalking you, we will retweet any thing you say that we think is news for all the world to see.
Having nightmares yet?
I always thought a block equaled roughly five grindles?
Merrycrickets – Thanks for the explanation. Now I have to work out what mischief I can do with it?
Oh yes. I find myself doing that a lot these days.Especially in supermarkets for some reason.
TT – You retweet in supermarkets? And you haven’t been arrested yet?
Funny enough there’s a vent inthe AJC (local rag) today about twittering.
see -didn’t your mother warn you about buying strange women – you don’t want to get stuck with me…….. a bad purchase methinks!
Kate – Someone bought you! [Don't worry though - I bought you back]
and I never felt a thing……
Yes, you are being stalked
Although that is if you are one of those people who are crazy enough to have some GPS thingy on their phone post to their Twitter every 5 minutes saying where they are right now, and give a link to a Google map of that location…
Fuck it. I’m going IN!
I’ve just been in. I’m leaving again.
(It occurs to me I’m Twittering by accident.)
TheChrisD – You mean you can phone in your Twitters? That’s crazy. Why would I want to do that?
Radge – I said it was mad.
I think follow is the right word, a lot of people use this because… a lot of people use it, it’s good for business people… I think to make updates, but other that that its a bit of a pain, send a text people!!!!!!!!!!!!, I don’t care if you missed the bus. However, I will admit trying to start using it, because I saw others using it, but I feel at a loss with twitter most of the time…rant over
Welcome John! Twitter is a pain, but it does have some uses. I have discovered that it’s great for promoting things such as blog posts. As for telling people what I’m having for lunch? Fuck that!
What are you having for lunch?
Eolai – If you really must know… Roadkill stew washed down with a large whiskey.
someone recently suggested that I join twitter to help promote my blog http://www.dotwebs.com/blog – that’s http://www.dotwebs.com/blog but I couldn’t figure it out. I have 2 people following me.. dear lord.. then I spotted a promotion from Sitepoint.com – if you follow them they’ll give you a free css book – so I did. I still haven’t read the book but my twitter space is full of their posts.
Actually it’s feckin’ bizarre and taking the whole micro blogging thing too far…
Dorothy – Actually, you have three followers. I am beginning to see a wee glimmer of a use for Twitter. I’ll live with it for a while and see how it pans out anyway. As for micro-blogging – that is for total addicts!