Where are Geldof and Bono when you need them?
Grandad January 12th, 2009
Those of you who have been reading this site for a while now will have come to realise that I’m a very placid bloke.
I take life as it comes and rarely complain about anyone or anything.
There are times though, when even someone as mild as me gets a little bit riled. And that time has come.
A week or so ago, I wrote about my local shops having no pipe tobacco. When I wrote that, the shelves had already been bare for a week. So this famine has been going on now for over two weeks.
What are the United Nations doing about it? Where’s Bob Geldof when you really need him? Why isn’t that fucker Bono screaming from the rooftops?
Right here, in the heart of the so called civilised world, there is a famine of biblical proportions.
I wouldn’t mind if they were just out of my brand, because I am prepared to switch brands temporarily. I am a reasonable chap, after all. But there isn’t a sniff of pipe tobacco of any type, shape, flavour or nationality.
They have cigarettes all right. Tons of the fucking things. They have cigarette tobacco which temporarily raises my hopes when I see it because the packs are similar. The poor shopkeepers keep offering me cigarette tobacco when I lambaste them for their lack of consideration but you can’t put cigarette tobacco in a pipe. It’s disgusting.
What in the name of all that’s holy is going on?
Why have they stopped shipping pipe tobacco to my county?
At the moment I am subsisting on tobacco that I bought on the ferry back from France. It’s not my blend and it makes me cough. I’m down to my last pack of that and I’m getting ratty.
If they don’t ship in some tobacco fast, there is going to be trouble. I am in a bad mood, and when I am in a bad mood, little girls stop laughing and the birds stop singing.
I want my tobacco NOW.
In the meantime, I’m going out.
I’m going to find some kittens to set fire to, and some butterflies to pull their wings off.
You really wouldn’t like me when I have no tobacco.
- Around the house
- Comments(26)
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Bono’s spending his time writing atrocious articles for newpapers…
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/opinion/11bono.html
Time to emigrate to West Cavan. My husband smokes a pipe and we have tobacco aplenty in all the service stations and post offices. (Of course they’re also selling tins of soup that expired in 2001, but you learn to be careful) I’m holding to my aforementioned conspiracy theory here, you know.
Sounds like the withdrawals to me… The famine will end soon, no doubt. What the heck happened to the tobacco in the first place? Is there a strike on over there or something?
It’s a bit early in the year for butterflies no?
I know a fella who knows a fella if you get my drift? Can arrange a shipment of all the finest blends!
bloody hell, thought for sure you had some by now. send me your address and the brand name and i’ll see if i can find it here (we have a nice tobacco shop) and i’ll friggin mail you some.
Perhaps the Pip Tobacco shipment was coming by sea and happened to go past Somali, or at least they tried to. I mention this as an alternative to my first theory, but I check an they don’t grow Tobacco in the Gaza Strip.
Brianmc – Atrocious is not the word! That bloke is getting too big for his boots. Just because he has met a president or two……..!
Susan – Moving to Cavan is a bit drastic? I like my mountains, and all you have there are molehills. I’d be tempted under the circumstances though.
Tricia – I would dearly love to know where all my tobacco has gone. There are no strikes or anything. It’s a conspiracy!
Robert – I would have thought that too, but I have seen a couple around. Maybe they are seagulls in disguise?
NaRocRoc – I get your drift. Has he got any Moroccan?
Prin – That is a very kind offer. I doubt they sell my brand over there though. Even though it’s a Virginia tobacco, it’s blended over here, and they are unlikely to ship it all the way back?
Jim C – That’s a nice theory, but what really pisses me off is that everywhere else has plentiful supplies. I have just done a twenty mile round trip and bought myself a grand stash. Each week though, I’m having to drive further and further as I clean out the stocks.
You think you have it bad! I just ordered one of those ReadHambles books from Amazon UK and the fuckers soaked me almost $22!!
Brianf – It is worth every fucking cent. Anyway, with the value of the Dollar…. !
Poor Grandad!
I’d send you some back from Singapore but they might hang me, or you, or both of us.
It’d save the kittens though?
Brianf……..Can I have it when you’re done?
Feckin Dutch are tripping over the stuff!
TT – Piss off. That’s piracy.
Xbox – That’s probably where all mine is? Send it over now.
Drown some puppies too.
That’s great fun.
I’d say the Other Fella has a mighty stash, and some baccy
I have wacky tabacky? Not quite the same but you’ll feel so mellow you won’t care
Maxi – Too late. They were all sacrificed to the cause last week.
Stipes – Hah! The first thing I did was rob all his supply.
Baino – Better than the same. Can you please ship 50Kg immediately and a further 100Kg per week? Thanks.
Sarah – Welcome! I nearly missed you after your wee delay in moderation. I believe you have some ‘interesting’ variants on the tobacco theme in your neck of the woods? Add them to my Australian imports, and I might forget about tobacco altogether?
Someone get this man some smoke! I could send you some from the states, but it might make you have the munchies.
Typical! send your address and I’ll get some to you!!! Don’t get cantankerous!!!!!
I think you should be more stoic and less hysterical. There is never ever any need to call upon Bono or Geldof (I would also lump Chris Martin in there), you may get your wish and be swarmed by self righteous pop stars telling everone to donate money for another crisis.
My suggestion would be to take back the colonies from the Septics and have your own tobacco plantation, you could staff it with ex-Delll employeees from Limerick.
King Bob – Me? Hysterical? I have never been hysterical in my life! I’m just pissed off at the famine. It’s nearly three weeks now, so would you blame me? I do have my own ‘tobacco’ plantation, but I try to keep quiet about it, after that last raid.
I have some of that stuff you use in a hookah, which is very flavoursome, you are welcome to try some in your pipe. I have Pistachio, Rose petal and some other sort of flavours, I feel quite cultured on my Wickla patio smoking my hookah.
King Bob – I didn’t know Wickla was in Belgium?
My company ISP is dutch, thus the flag
Grandad…I’m not quite sure what the variants on tobacco are here…to be honest I’m too scared to try anything not government sanctified…ever see The Glass Palace?
Just back from Indonesia where they have Kretek though…these are really strong fags with a filter of cloves and sugar…gorgeous. I have found a new vice.
Hurrah!