The bare facts
Grandad January 23rd, 2009
I had a phone call this morning.
A girl wants to call up to the house to photograph me.
I have heard of these people. I generally don’t read the tabloids, but The Lads down the pub have talked about women who get all steamed up at the thought of naked old men. Mind you, for my age, I’m not in that bad a shape. OK, so the stomach has to be held in from time to time, but the man-boobs are still less than an A cup. I can’t blame the girl for choosing me as her pinup.
So I have a bit of a problem.
For a start, there’s Herself. Do I lock her in the coal-hole for the duration? Do I drug her? Do I tell her that it is a scientific experiment?
And what is the etiquette in these situations?
Do I greet her stark naked at the door? Or for the sake of propriety, do I keep my briefs on?
Am I allowed to ask for the return favour? I presume it is only fair that the traffic isn’t only one way?
So many questions.
So few answers.
I’d better start by finding that old bottle of chloroform…..
-oOo-
In the meantime, while I am otherwise occupied, here is a recording I made of yesterdays effort, for all you sad people who want to laugh at me.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
- Around the house
- Comments(20)
Subscribe to audio
WooHO and good luck–I hope she’s a hottie!
If she’s selling copies, go on and give her my number.
I’d go the whole hog: just the birthday suit and a smile. Works for me
Oh and i’ve just recognised Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bottom on your header. Not recognised in I’ve seen it in the flesh, just… oh, never mind.
“I got a phone call this morning…”
Show off.
i never expected you to have such a genteel sounding voice…don’t know what i expected…a bit more gutteral, piratey like aarrrgggh, get off my property you buggers! maybe
it was great to put a voice to the persona 
Susan – All done and dusted, but I don’t kiss and tell. I have the photos, so just deposit the usual amount in my Cayman Island account….
E Mum – It worked. I’m grabbing my camera now. Where do you live again??
Maxi – Jealous!!!
OK, regarding the post, I’m on Herself’s side – definitely. Keep your clothes on..
Regarding the radio interview – my favourite American expression – AWESOME! You should do a Head Rambles on air with that radio voice. It was great to find out what started all these ramblins’ – I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Maybe if I follow suit, I’ll end up famous too?
Prin – I normally let my Glock do the talking. I always sound a bit genteel after a few pints too. It’s something to do with the lubrication?
Tricia – Too late
If I did a Head Rambles on air, no one would listen. Anyway, I’d soon be banned.
I thought the auld voice might be a little more muffled, what with all the dense facial hair etc. As for yer wan with the camera, just make sure your aperture’s in focus!
I knew it! And didn’t I say as much?
Anyway, I vote for leaving your clothes on at the door. If she wants you with less on then she’ll have no trouble letting you know. Photographers are like that. I hear Irish women in general are like that although I hate to generalize–generally.
You were on the radio…?
It’s no wonder I missed it – had you been on the Strawberry Alarm Clock, then that would have made things interesting!
Get with the program Grandad, nobody uses chloroform any more Rohypnol is the go. Nice interview . . . I miss your voice actually.
Ya DID tape it!
I stick to my notion the radio is the new internet, you should do an occasional podcast, great tone.
Hoor – My big worry wasn’t my aperture, but rather my focal length which is a bit short these days [I blame the cold weather].
Kirk M – You knew what? And what did you say about it?
TheChrisD – The Strawberry Alarm Clock? Would ya ever fuck off! I have my dignity.
Baino – It was for use on Herself. I wouldn’t dare use rohypnol there. Anyway, I like to keep my supply of that for when I’m going out. I miss the ould Aussie Twang too.
Xbox – I taped it in the early hours of the morning just for you. I would do a podcast but what the hell would I talk about?
I have this vision of you in your drawstring pajamas waiting by the radio with a tape recorder at 3 in the morning, just about to press PLAY + RECORD at the same time.
Podcast a regular post or two.
Nice one.
Xbox – I was going to do that but in the end I woke up The Other Fella and got him to do tricks with the laptop. It was something to do with tweaking the soundcard and something called Auditown or Audicity or something like that. He wasn’t best pleased. Tough!
See your previous post, my comment, last line. I swear I getting psychic or something.
Kirk M – Hah! You wrote that after I posted today! Don’t tell me tyou’re sitting there listening to East Coast FM? You’ll hear all about our lovely traffic jams and things!
Finally getting a chance to listen to your radio appearance. What a fine voice you have, sir. Have you ever considered doing voice overs?
I did not! I did no such thing! I saw your post in in my mind!
And I was listening indeed and it was nice to here some good music for a change. And the satisfying thing about the traffic jams is that they’re a few thousands of miles away.
But you could always get a Strawberry Alarm Clock toaster for your efforts! Thos things are hard to come by…