Archive for January, 2009

Ferrero Rocher, Mr Ambassador?

January 21st, 2009

A couple of days ago I received a comment from Jedrzej [who I am delighted to see has been nominated for Best Photography in the IBA] under one of my scribbles.

A little off topic, if I may.
Grandad, in case you haven’t seen it yourself, I would like to bring to your attention a good-bye letter written by the US ambassador for Ireland (just leaving): 
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2009/0119/1232059658577.html

It was off topic, and normally I leave the comment there.

In this case, I removed it as I thought it warranted a closer look.

The article, in case you haven’t bothered to read it, is a farewell from the American Ambassador who has left after two years, giving his opinions on this country.

A_Ambassador

At first I thought it was a joke, but the Irish Times doesn’t usually go in for that kind of thing.  Then I realised he was serious.

He starts off by stating his goal, on appointment to the job.

The goal was under no circumstances to allow war to break out between Ireland and the United States on my watch. With only one day to go, it looks as if I will succeed, surprising most of my best friends at home.

What fucking planet is this bloke from?  I suppose he is right to be scared though.  We would annihilate them.

He then goes on to admire our magnificent service.

Being United States ambassador here has been a great privilege and a wonderful, fulfilling personal experience. The job comes with a magnificent house, superb staff and all you can eat.

People return your phone calls quickly, you never have to worry about parking, and restaurants will find a table for you even when they tell others they are full.

So you never have to worry about parking huh?  Of course you don’t, with your fucking CD plates on your car.  You can flaunt the law and make life a misery for the rest of us.  Ya bollix.

And you are the fucker who grabbed that last table I had booked in that restaurant?  Well, fuck you.  I hope the food chocked you.

He then comes up with one of the strangest one yet.

I notice a much higher level of cynicism here toward your most important institutions and leaders than I am used to in the US. Gratuitous criticism is accepted as good sport in Ireland. The media are some of the most enthusiastic participants.

A little scepticism is undoubtedly a good thing, but institutions and leaders perform better and can deliver more when they are believed in and held in high esteem.

He has to be joking?  Is he really serious?  He has been here for over two years so he should be familiar with Bertie and Biffo?  He must know that we have amongst the most corrupt incompetent shower of fuckers who, along with their builder pals have shafted this country almost to bankruptcy? Is he seriously suggesting that if we spoke nicely about Biffo that he would then start making decisions that actually make sense?  If we stopped calling Harney an incompetent obese slug, that the health service would start saving lives instead of killing people?

Of course he does come from the Land of the Free, where they have complete freedom of speech and expression [and you can be sent to a concentration camp for having a beard] so he presumably knows what he is bullshitting about.

We get another little insight into his flawless logic with

Many in Ireland seem impulsively to side with underdogs, presumably a product of a strong sympathetic response and Ireland’s historical experience. But underdogs aren’t always right and have no inherent claim to high moral ground.

This is very interesting.  Because of our history, we have been under the misconception that the minority have rights?  This is good news though. I now have total freedom to annihilate any ethnic minority I find.

But then we come to the really serious stuff.  We now know what has been going on in that house in the Park and in the embassy. We have been under scrutiny and we have been found wanting.

The pepper in Ireland doesn’t smell right and someone really should do something about it.

Oh! My!  God! 

How have we survived this long?

How can we hold our heads up amongst the civilised nations?

Is this the real reason behind the demise of the Celtic Tiger?  We are using the wrong pepper?

I am cheered to read that he will be back as a visitor.

I will cheerfully welcome him with open arms.

Well, actually they won’t be open.

But they will be loaded.

A new future

January 20th, 2009

I have been thinking about doing this for a long time.

I have masticated and procrastinated [and a few other things as well] but I have finally made some changes to the site.

I was getting very tired of the look of it.  It really got on my wick lately, but then I suppose I see more of it than most people.

The old colouring was a bit namby pamby for my taste.  As usual, you can blame The Wimp.  The whole design was his idea and it reflected his appalling taste.

So I hid his calculator and told him to code in a new one.

A long time ago in the mists of time [actually, it was last June], Men With Pens did a critical analysis of the site. One of their criticisms was that the images were confusing.  I hadn’t thought about it until then, but they were right.  I think the new image gives a clearer idea of what the site is about.

There will be a few more tweaks over the coming days, but they are minor.

So….

What do you think?

Better?

Worse?

Anything I have left out, or anything I should leave out?

Over to you….

Love letters

January 19th, 2009

There are some things that are more important than apathy.

Today is a day for writing love letters to RTE.

Here is mine:

Dear Sirs,
I have never written a letter of complaint before, but on this occasion I feel compelled to.
I understand that RTE is going through a difficult time financially, but there are times when fiscal rectitude has to come second to the primary aim of an organisation.  Your primary aim is to entertain the listening and viewing public, not to return a balance sheet.
I am referring to the decision to ‘dumb down’ the radio programmes broadcast by Nikki Hayes and Rick O’Shea.  These two have done a magnificent job in building up an audience for their shows.  They entertain and stimulate.  In your wisdom, you have demolished that hard work and have reduced their programmes to the banal standard as set by lesser institutions. 
Frankly, if I want to listen to non stop music I will stand in a lift or visit my supermarket.  I did not listen to those programmes for the music content, rather the banter and wit.  It brightened up my day and frequently made me laugh.  That is gone now.  I don’t listen any more as I have no reason to.
Your decision to ‘cut out the banter’ was the most appalling example of short-sightedness.  You have missed the entire point of the programmes.  You have ignored your listening public in favour of balancing the books.  In the short time you may save on a researcher or two, but in the long term you are going to lose your audiences as there is nothing to attract them to your station.
I have been a listener to RTE since the ’60s, back in the heyday of broadcasting when RTE could hold its head high at the standards it produced.  No longer.  There is an apparent determination to produce bland, mindless wall to wall music which frankly can be found on any cheap local station.
This is a decision that is easily reversed, and I would urge you, for the sake of the public, and for the sake of RTE to do so.
Yours in disgust,

So there you go.

It wasn’t hard.

In fact it was easy, as I wrote as I felt.

So now its your turn.

Get off your arses and WRITE.

complaints@rte.ie would LOVE to hear from you.

Too apathetic to be apathetic

January 19th, 2009

I had a great sleep last night.

I awoke this morning full of the joys of life and rearin’ to go.

Today is supposed to be the worst day of the year when all the credit card bills pour in after Christmas, and all the resolutions have failed, but fuck that says I – I’m in good form, and it’s staying that way.

There are a couple of people who have been nagging me for information, and I have been putting them off.  So I banged off the required stuff to my probation officer and to the tax people, and decided to do some real work.

I put my fingers on the keys, to do some typing, and the fuse blew.

I’m not talking about the power fuse.  I bypassed all those years ago.  I’m talking about the mind fuse.

I have things to do.  I have things that I want to do [and there is a difference].  But I cannot summon up the mental energy to do them.

I’d say it was the half bottle of whiskey last night, but Pullit had the other half, and he’s fine, so it’s not that.

I’d say it was the tobacco I enjoyed yesterday, but it’s not that.

I don’t know what it is.  I am finding it very irritating.

I’d go on about it at length,

but I couldn’t be bothered…..

Would like to meet

January 18th, 2009

Only a few weeks to go until the Irish Blog Awards.

We have a bit of a problem there.

I phoned the hotel that we’re booked into, but they don’t allow dogs.  Bastards.

I phoned a few more hotels in the area and eventually found one that does allow dogs.  Herself took one look at the hotel and said that there was no fucking way she was staying there.  And they were her words.

So I’m just going to have to leave out a few ingredients, and Sandy will have to cook her own meals.  As long as she doesn’t try fillet of steak again, as she nearly burned the house down last time.

There is a sort of thingy doing the rounds at the moment.  I don’t know who started it, but people are naming five bloggers they would like to meet on the night, that they haven’t already met.  I notice my name hasn’t cropped up so far?

The first of my list has to be Bock.  There is a very simple reason for putting his name at the top – he owes me a feed of pints.  What more can I say?

I don’t know if Robert Sweetnam is going, but I would like to meet him too, as he helped me out of a rather nasty hole a few weeks ago.  I would like to buy him get Bock to buy him a few pints.

A meet up with English Mum would be interesting.  Not only does she have a fetish for beards, but she keeps threatening to call over while leaving her smalls behind.  I am intrigued by this, but getting rid of Herself for an hour or two could be a problem.

McAWilliams?  I would like to meet a bloke who can be so obsessed by Twitter. 

Finally [as I am restricted to five] I have to say that Paddy Bloggit is on my card.  He has just bought himself a new [old] house and I’m sure he wants an introduction to someone who will look after it for the summer months when he is living in his shed?

Actually, I’m going to cheat.

I am not only going to exceed my five, but I’m going to include one or two from across The Pond, just to show there are no hard feelings.

Cranky Canuck and I have fought a couple of wars together, though we have never met.  It would be nice to swap strategies in person.

Talking of war, it would be nice if Brianf were there.  We have spoken many times by Skype, and he is another that Bock could buy a pint [or five] for.

And of course there is Kirk M. There is something about Kirk M.  I like his style of writing, and his humour.  I think we would get on very well.

Provided, of course that Bock hasn’t left me legless.

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