Grandad March 17th, 2009
Do you live in Tver?
Never heard of it? Nor had I until today.
It is a city in Russia with a population of around half a million.
I am interested in Tver, because there is a street in it called Sovetskaya. And the reason I am interested in Sovetskaya is because there is a sneaky fucking bollix by the name of Alexander Goganov living there.
Alexander Goganov is dead meat. He has about thirty nine minutes left to live before a 28 Megaton eBay special eradicates him, and all who live around him.
I am sorry for the other people of Tver. I mean them no harm but as the old cliché goes: you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.
You see, I have just wasted that last twenty four hours repairing a few of my sites. That little fucker managed to hack a little file on my server that caused Google to think it was spidering my site, when it was in fact spidering that little fuckers site. And his site is full of warez and shit like that, so Google now thinks my site is full of warez and shit like that.
I had plans for today.
I was going to celebrate the official opening of the Tourist Season by going on a little rampage with the lads, and then end up in the pub and get hammered. They have gone off without me now because I was too busy to go. I can hear the sound of distant gunfire, and I really resent being stuck here undoing all Alexander Goganov’s handywork.
You now have around thirty two minutes left, Alexander. Say your prayers to try to redeem your sad little life.
I’m off to the pub now.
At least all the day won’t be wasted.
I will raise a glass to the other 499,999 people of Tver and say a silent apology.
But shit happens.
Grandad March 16th, 2009
I am a little concerned about our Minnie.
She has developed this habit of stopping whatever she is doing and just staring at me.
Other times, she lies on the back of the couch opposite me and just stares without blinking.
The strangest thing about this is that around the same time, I get a very strong urge to kill someone.
I wonder if Minnie can have anything to do with that sensation?
Nah!
It’s only a coincidence.
Or is it?
Grandad March 15th, 2009
Head Rambles Manor is quite an old place.
It was built the best part of two hundred years ago, and was built in the traditional style. None of your concrete block or timber frame shit here – the house is constructed out of granite boulders.
The builders, or whatever they were, are gone now and the work is complete apart from a bit of decoration but I’ll tell you about that another day.
The place is just about back to normal, apart from some flood damage, a collapsed ceiling and the fact that we can’t use the jax or use electricity any more.
One aspect of the building has left me with a bit of a problem though. In the course of their shenanigans, they removed some of the original wall, and we now have these massive boulders lying around the place.
One of the boulders has caught my eye. It’s a huge rectangular slab of granite, which I think originally took the load from the roof, which explains why the slates are starting to slide down. It occurred to me that this slab would make a very attractive seat in the garden. I thought it would look nice with a boulder under each end to raise it, and with a bit of luck it could be mistaken for a Portal Dolmen which would mean we would be entitled to all sorts of grants from the National Museum.
My problem is how to shift it. The fucking thing must weigh nearly half a ton, and I don’t think Herself is up to carrying that kind of weight on her back. I am a very considerate husband and would never ask her to carry anything that a JCB might have trouble with.
I have to move it about a hundred yards. I thought of dragging it, but that would chew up what’s left of the lawn. I can’t roll it because it isn’t round. I can’t carry it. I’m stumped.
Were is Iron Age Man when you really need him?
Grandad March 14th, 2009
I was going to write a very funny article today.
But then I decided it would be a waste of time and effort.
Who the hell reads blogs on a nice sunny Saturday?
Grandad March 13th, 2009
A new timewaster has hit the Interweb
It’s kind of self explanatory?
They have some great guest celebrity writers.
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