Archive for March, 2009

At last the government are on the right track

March 8th, 2009

At last the government has seen the light.

For months now, they have been criticised to not hitting the wealthy, and have been accused of penalising single sectors of society.

A report on the front page of yesterday’s Irish Times has finally given me hope.  They have identified that sector of society that is leeching our finances while sitting on millions in unclaimed taxes.  They have found that drain on our resources that has brought the country to its knees.

The Elderly.

The government were nearly there when they proposed withdrawing the medical card, but for some unknown reason they did a U-turn and modified it.

This time they are launching an all out attack, and I for one am fully behind them.  It is about time something was done about the elderly.  They are unproductive.  They demand all sorts of allowances and payments which frankly are a farce.  They are a drain on the resources of the country and contribute absolutely nothing in return.

The first move is a nice one.

Withdraw their entitlement to a free television licence.  Why the fuck should these people be allowed watch television for nothing?  They sit there all day, doing feck all except watching television at our expense, when they should be out there doing something productive.

Next, there is the fuel allowance.  Why in the name of all that is holy should we pay for them to heat their homes?  If they are so worried about heating, then they can damned well get up the mountains and dig some turf.  Not only will that provide them with their fuel requirements, but they will get good exercise too.

Electricity allowances?  For fuck’s sake!  We are paying their electricity bills?  Why?  Can someone give me one solid reason why I should pay taxes so that some old fart can boil his kettle?

They get phone allowances too!  Holy God, but it gets worse.  For a start, it is a well known fact that the elderly have no friends, so they spend their time on the phone to sex chat lines and we all know how expensive they are, and we have to foot the bill so they can get their jollies?

They even get allowances for living alone.  God give me strength!  This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of.  They should all be moved into Old Folks’ Homes and their houses given to those that really need them. 

Of course there will be some Bleeding Hearts and Tree Huggers who will come up with pathetic excuses, saying that the elderly are the ones that made the country what it is, but I say that is exactly the point.  It is those elderly fuckers who reared the builders and bankers of today, and filled their heads with ideas of making money on the quick.  It isn’t the builders or the bankers fault – it is the fault of those that brought them up.

The government is being really clever about this.  By bringing in cuts in fuel allowances and the like, there is a good chance most of the elderly will freeze to death.  This is a good thing, as it will free up valuable resources for the young.

I urge you to read the article.  If nothing else it will persuade you to back our government in their time of need.  They have had a bad press lately, but at last they have seen the light.

I’m off now to cull myself.

I have done my bit, and the time has come for me to go.

I don’t see why I should be a drain on resources that are so badly needed to support the work-shy, the idle, the knackers, the skobies and all the others who so desperately need my cash.

I know my duty. 

Justifiable paranoia

March 7th, 2009

When I was a lad, the most complicated thing likely to be found in a house was a wireless or a television.

Things like toasters were hot elements that you leaned the bread against, so the only thing to go wrong with them would be the element burning out.  If you plugged a kettle in, it would happily boil away until it melted.

Nowadays of course, everything is mini-chips and micro-chips and even your toaster is likely to be communicating with NASA while it toasts, and your kettle probably has more computing power than Apollo 11. 

There are two downsides to this. 

One is that everything is more likely to break down, and if it does break down, no one has a fucking clue how to fix it.

They moan about the waste on this planet, yet everything seems to have become disposable.  If something breaks down, it is cheaper to chuck it in the bin and replace it.  It is even cheaper occasionally to buy a new printer for the computer rather than fill the ink, because the new printer is cheaper than the ink cartridges.

I have a yoke that I bought about tree years ago.  It’s one of those printer/scanner/photocopier/fax yokes, and I have found it to be incredibly handy.

I use it for faxing my arms dealer and photocopying blackmail notes.  I can scan obscene photographs and print off porn.

I use it for printing things.

Last night the fucking thing broke down.  It’s a very simple fault – it just won’t switch on.  In the Good Old Days, I’d whip the back off and replace a fuse, but these aren’t the Good Old Days.  I tried to see if I could fix it but it has those little bastard screws that don’t have a proper head on them, so I can’t open it.  It’s probably something simple like a broken joint, or it could be some damned microprocessor that has gone up in smoke.  I don’t know.

I did a lot of research.  I checked on-line to see if there was any solution to this, and I also checked prices to get someone to fix it for me.

The upshot of my research is that it is simpler and cheaper to replace it.

Madness.

All this happened at a time when I received a document in an email that I urgently have to print off, sign and fax back to the sender. 

I’m not paranoid.

Life really is out to get me.

Home improvements

March 6th, 2009

We finally remembered what it was we wanted the builders to do.

Herself and I were sitting here the other evening and we started discussing things we could do to improve the Manor a bit.  Herself suggested that we could knock down a wall upstairs to make a bigger room out of two small ones.  She suggested that we could ask the builders when they had finished doing whatever they were doing up there, and that’s when we remembered – that’s what we had asked them to do in the first place.

I took a look up there the next day.  I had been putting the moment off, as I was a bit nervous at what I might find, but in fact they have done a great job.  They have removed a wall and half the roof, so what was once two small dark rooms is now one big bright airy room.  There are lovely views from it, and as long as it doesn’t rain, it should be very nice when it’s finished.

I was sitting here this morning when I heard a strange noise.

The builders were drilling and banging, doing whatever they were doing, but this noise was much closer.  I went to investigate.

We have a little lobby that we use to store things like coats, books, boots and explosives, and the noise was coming from there. 

It was a waterfall.

It was really very pretty.

The water was cascading out of the ceiling over some cables and there was a beautiful blue fizzing glow where the water and the cables met.  Once again I congratulated myself on my foresight in replacing the fuses with lumps of metal, as this surely would have blown any fuse.

I went up to the builders and thanked them.  I told them that it was a very nice touch, giving us a water feature that we hadn’t asked for.  I regretted that, as they promptly stopped the water by switching off a stopcock or a tap or something technical like that.

There is still a lake in the lobby.  I think I’ll leave it there as a feature, and may even plant some lilies in it from the lake outside. 

Tonight, when the builders are gone, I’m going to investigate to see if I can turn the waterfall on again.

I like water features. 

My desk

March 5th, 2009

I don’t know why, but there has been some interest in what my desk looks like.

People are even bragging about their desks on Desked…

I am very proud of my desk.  I keep it as clean as I can because we all know that a tidy desk is the sign of a tidy mind.

Or is a tidy desk the sign of anal retention?  I can’t remember.

I took this photograph this morning.

Herself says it is a mess.

She’s just jealous.

grandads_desk
Click to embiggen.

Why do I blog?

March 4th, 2009

I have been doing some introspection.

As far as I know, that isn’t illegal, and I quite often introspect in public. 

I am doing as much of it as I can before the fucking government taxes it.

I asked myself why I write on this site.

Am I a sad little nerd who lacks friends and can only find a little bit of recognition by ranting on the Interweb?

No.  I’m very happy with the friends I have.  I live a quiet but full life and if the Interweb suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke, I would manage very well.  After all I managed for the best part of half a century before it even was invented?

Am I a frustrated journalist?

To be quite honest, journalism never featured on the list of things I wanted to do when I grew up.  Actually, my two main ambitions were to be an airline pilot or a cartographer.  I don’t know how those two reconcile each other, but being a pilot was out because of my eyesight anyway.

Do I do it for the money?

Well, yes.  I’m not embarrassed by that fact.  I make quite a bit out of what is basically a hobby.  It is enough to cover my hosting, and my domain name, and there is a little bit left over that pays for my month in France, with a decent bit of spending money.  I like my holiday, and frankly I couldn’t afford it if it weren’t for the site. 

So why do I really do it?

Basically, I enjoy it.  I like writing.  I like the challenge of coming up with an idea and putting it into words.  I like the idea of being able to rant against the things that annoy me.  I like the discipline that it imposes, because it is a self discipline.  I doubt I could do it if I were handed my subject matter which is why I couldn’t see myself as a journalist.

I enjoy the banter that frequently crops up in my comments.  It is not the raison d’etre though, and if I got no comments, I would probably still scribble.  Comments do provide a big impetus though, I have to admit.

Would I continue typing if I lost my Interweb connection?

Yes.  I probably would.

I am about to launch into my magnum opus.  As yet untitled, it is a work of fiction, which is almost complete in my head but has yet to be put to paper [paper?  Who uses paper these days?].  I don’t expect it will ever be published.  I don’t have a written contract from a publisher.  I am writing it because I want to and because it is a challenge.  If it ends up in a box in the attic, I won’t be worried.  If it accidentally leaks out and becomes a New York Times best seller, then so be it.

Time will tell.

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