2009 May | Head Rambles

Archive for May, 2009

Any offers?

Grandad May 16th, 2009

FOR SALE

Ribbed condom.

Only used three times.

Perfect condition.

No reasonable offer refused.

WANTED

Maternity wear.

Absolute discretion guaranteed and expected.

Apply within.

Who is Hannah Montana?

Grandad May 15th, 2009

A couple of weeks ago, we got the Sunday papers, and on the cover of the magazine, there was a picture of some kid I had never heard of.

A few days after that, I was talking to out K8, and I asked her if she had ever heard of this ‘Hannah Montana’. She winced, and told me about her.

Apparently she is a character played by Miley Cyrus and is the latest canon fodder for the teen ‘celebrity’ circus. I decided to do a little research.

I discovered that she has her own television series, and has produced a film. She has also written an ‘autobiography’ [which is a load of bollox because she didn’t write it, therefore it’s a biography], which has sold 50 million copies. She is currently worth in excess of $25 million.

There are a few things that are remarkable about these figures.

The first is that the kid is only sixteen. How the fuck can a sixteen year old write a biography? She hasn’t had a life yet to write about.

The next is that she looks like the kid next door. She doesn’t have two heads or anything interesting like that. She is your typical all American teenager.

She can sing, but I have heard a hell of a lot better down the local pub.

All in all, there is nothing extraordinary about this kid.

There can be one reason only why she is worth such a silly amount, and why her so called biography has sold fifty million copies, and that is that she is a victim of the meeja circus and the Disney corporate greed. The gullible children of the world have been duped once more, and are lapping it up.

I feel sorry for her. She is much too young for such nonsense, and is going to have an incredibly rough ride over the next couple of years. She will eventually be dumped in the gutter as soon as the next ‘big thing’ comes along, and will probably spend the rest of her life wondering what the fuck happened.

The sooner this ‘celebrity’ crap dies the death, the better.

Minister for Justice is a blasphemer

Grandad May 14th, 2009

I was asked to write a piece today that would be offensive to some religion or other, in protest at the proposed blasphemy law.

I am not going to do that.

It’s not that I’m afraid of the law, but rather that I don’t believe in being offensive for the sake of it.

This proposed blasphemy law is such a preposterous piece of bullshit, that frankly I find it very difficult to find any logic behind it. It is however symptomatic of a political system that uses laws like Elastoplast, to the extent that there is little in everyday life now that isn’t covered by some law.

This country has become over reliant on laws. Originally laws were introduced to protect the people. Now laws are being abused left right and centre to control the population, and in extreme cases as a tool to provide extra income for the government coffers.

I am a great believer in the adage that “Laws are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men”. Laws should be a written statement of the obvious, and used merely to prosecute transgressors. They should exist to protect society from the few, and not to protect us from ourselves.

How often in recent times have we heard the law being abused? We have government ministers refusing to give up absurd pensions because “the pensions are within the law”. We have a Taoiseach who “will have to take legal advice” before answering a simple question. Laws are being used now to protect the guilty which is an absurd state of affairs.

I am not going into the law in detail. If you want to read all about it, I suggest you try blasphemy.ie which is an excellent site. They explain the new law and the history behind it here. They also have an excellent analysis of the absurdity of the law and campaign proposals here.

I live my life by the common moral code. As it is my belief that this is the right ethical way to live my life, I can argue that it is my religion.

I would further propose that the majority of people in this country would aspire to that belief.

I find the proposed law extremely offensive in that it reduces my personal dignity in the eyes of the law by implying that I need to be controlled, and I would argue that the majority of people would feel the same way.

Therefore, under the terms of the proposed 2009 Defamation Bill, I hereby call for the arrest of the Minister for Justice and that the maximum fine of €100,000 be imposed

eSmoking?

Grandad May 13th, 2009

I am contemplating giving up the pipe.

Well, maybe I won’t give it up altogether, but I was toying with the idea of switching to cigarettes.

There is a yoke on the market called the Electronic Cigarette, and I was thinking of getting one.

This cigarette has a little battery in it, and a little capsule of nicotine, and it is smoked exactly like a normal cigarette. Except that you don’t light it. When you draw on it, the tip even glows red.

Because there is no combustion, it falls outside the Nanny State Laws. It can be smoked anywhere. That alone is as appealing as the thought of Sharon Ní Bheoláin making me breakfast in bed.

When I get it, I am going to head up to one of those fancy trendy pubs in Dublin, and I’m going to light up. It produces vapour that looks exactly like smoke, but isn’t. The cigarette looks exactly like a normal cigarette, but isn’t.

My money is on the barman to be the first to tell me to leave. I won’t leave, of course because I am within my rights to stay. Next there will be the complaints from the non-smoking holy-Joes who will demand that I be thrown out. I’ll ignore them. With a bit of luck, a few smokers will have drawn the conclusion by now that smoking is OK, and they will light up too. It could be a fun night.

After that, of course I’ll have to raise my sights a bit.

Maybe I’ll get Herself one to double the effect.

Maybe we’ll go and visit someone in hospital, and happily puff away as we walk the corridors. Or maybe we should wander into a Garda station or two and casually lean on the counter and discuss the state of crime in the nation, while merrily blowing smoke/vapour all around the place?

We might even top off my expedition by taking a visit to the Department of Health and demanding to see Mad Cow Harney [just to tell her what a useless lump of lard she is]. We shall of course make a point of never removing the cigarette from our mouths.

If enough people take up this idea, we could cause enough confusion in the system that real smokers may start to slip through the net.

efag