Archive for June 3rd, 2009

Tortoise on steroids

June 3rd, 2009

I think I may have been a little slow of late.

Initially, I blamed the cold damp weather, but since we have been having a few days where the sun actually shone but things didn’t improve, I had to do a rethink.

I put it down to old age with a dash of arthritis and maybe a drizzle of senility, but I’m told this may not be the case.

Someone suggested that it might not be so much old age as a faulty plugin.  They also suggested that I might like to have a look at my database.

So I unscrewed the back off my site and had a root around.

I drained the oil, checked the piston rings and had a good long look at my big end.

My database was looking a bit clunky.  There were also a few bits lying around that looked like they were a bit surplus to requirements.

So I rolled my sleeves up, put on my hard hat and safety goggles and attacked with my trusty delete key.

I think I may have been a little over enthusiastic, because I ended up with bits of web site lying all over the place.

There was a puddle of data underneath the couch, and a pile of HTML had collected in one corner of the room.  Sandy was quietly chewing on a graphic in the middle of the floor and I had a tin full of variables that came from somewhere, but I’m not sure where.

I have spent the last hour trying to reassemble the damned thing.  Of course I have lost the box that it came in originally, so the whole thing was a bit hit and miss.

The site looks like it used to, and I think it may be a bit faster.  Only you can tell me that.

I still have a problem though.

I have two variables left over, and I’m fucked if I know where they came from.

tortoise